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By  Frank Mason, on April 12th, 2009%Since the dawn of time, paranoid delusional people have been denied the opportunity to dodge reality and dive into the upward-spiraling colossus of a self-feeding reward system of worry. But now we can, with EvoCam. Combining the award-winning prestige of the highly adaptive miniature video camera with the competence of your common desktop or laptop . . . By Kilgoar, on April 12th, 2009%Elf Wax Tech Watch is a new segment in which technological trends are examined in depth. Today’s article is how “virtual literacy” relates to the now dead newspaper industry. Technological change has widely shut down newspapers for the past decade, and today the last paid reporter has punched his clock for the last time. Nobody . . . By Frank Mason, on April 11th, 2009%Following a recent governmental lapse in Truth, a scrambled message has been intercepted and somewhat decoded. The communication details an alien overthrow of humanity. Elf Wax analysts were able to decipher certain parts of speech and published them. The translation, in its original form follows: I am from Alpha Centauri, a star of dead . . . By Tyler Bass, on April 7th, 2009%REALLY sad. By Frank Mason, on April 6th, 2009%“It is so bad when someone pulls out a chainsaw during a coke deal.” This has been a message from James Galloway, guest reporterandDirector of Stock Exchange Finance Reporting Valuesfor Lebal Drocer, Elf Wax Times andGlobal Indexing Averaging Firms. . . . By Ronny Nitro, on April 4th, 2009%YOURTOWN, US–After a recent independent investigation, it has come to our attention here at the Times that Dan K., a known pal to many locals, has indeed returned to the area. . . .  4 comments  Entertainment, Health, Law, Local, News, Society, Special Interest  dan k, disappearance, elf wax, friends, funny, lol, onion, satire, travis, USA By Kilgoar, on April 3rd, 2009%Gaia Online has suffered extreme hyperinflation in the past weeks, as the value of gold plummeted. The crux of Gaia’s economy is a steady flow of art-themed posting. Poetry, photography, and art of all kind and quality are equally rewarded. Through time, however, the quality of this art has completely degenerated beyond the point of . . . 2 comments Entertainment, Local, Local, News, Politics, Religion, Society, Special Interest, Status Quo, Technology, World arena, art, economy, fail, gaia, mtv, nerds, soulless, Viacom, writing By Frank Mason, on April 1st, 2009%Children of all ages lined up in front of their schools today only to learn that classes were canceled indefinitely. Professors of social sciences, military advisers to the President of the United States of America, leading geneticists, politicians and local leaders from . . . |
 
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