Roanoke, Va.–This girl I liked when we were in ninth grade was really cute and had pretty green eyes. I told her one day as we were walking to the buses and she said ‘thank you.’ I never thought another thing of it because chasing tail, I decided, . . .
Foreword:As Chief Cryptozoology expert at Elf Wax, I’ve been on the hunt for proof of Bigfoot for years. Lately, some hoaxes have become so complex and convincing, that the truth is actually less detailed and accurate than the hoax itself. Can a hoax be so perfectly orchestrated that the truth of the matter fades into . . .
Head. Fellatio. Hummer. Blowjob. Going down. Tooting the horn. Playing the skin flute. Smoking the pole. Polishing the knob. Addressing the court.
No matter what you call it, we all love it. If you can find a girl who is good at it, and will do it regularly, you should marry her…….marry her right now, . . .
The vulture cleans up messes in nature, which would otherwise cause health problems. They don’t attack healthy animals, but focus on dead and dying animals. Botulinum toxin, the toxin that causes botulism, does not affect them, and they can eat rotten flesh containing anthrax, . . .
How James Bybee, John Yoo, Dick Cheney And Many Others Will Get Away With Torture
The Moral Laboratory
I opened my kitchen cabinet, and begrudged my lack of plastic wrap. Aluminum foil is good for sandwiches, but last night, I needed to be capable of creating a one-way seal on my mouth in . . .
Washington, D.C.– In a harrowing defense of marijuana’s ongoing criminal status, FBI Director Robert Mueller successfully lumped marijuana in with all drugs. Dopes on the list include meth, heroin, oxycontin, crack and cocaine, but not alcohol, during a debate with Steve Cohen (D-TN). “Alcohol,” he said, “is just . . .
Cuthbert, Ga.–A local clergyman molested three boys in the course of one morning shift in the confessional box. On this subject, Pope Benedict XVI spoke publicly, however bluntly, when he told the press, “Join us or die.” The spiritual leader then claimed to be pure energy, and compared himself to “the malevolent moon” whose gravity . . .
The staff at Elf Wax Times takes the job of bringing you accurate new insight into present-day issues like terrorism and the ever nearing apocalypse, but today we’re taking a little time out of the normal grind to show you, our readers, about how we bring . . .
In a landmark decision, President Obama has proclaimed that there are too many ugly people getting married and breeding, and that it has already reached epidemic proportions.
“How many times have you gone to the mall, and seen two disgusting people walking around with a pack of ugly kids”, Obama asked the . . .