Area man loses mind

Has the gubment taken your pension? Is the man keeping you down? Look no further than the government to get you back on your feet. . . .

Intelligent Design to End Life on Earth

Scientists have invented Life 2.0, and it’s going to kill you! . . .

Peter Pan Dies of Drug Overdose

Peter Pan has died from either an accidental drug overdose or possibly a death ray fired by the CIA from a satellite. . . .

Jon and Kate Plus Hate

John and Kate, the bickering parents of 8 children have filed for divorce. . . .

Area man reheats macaroni, “Isn’t the same”

Roanoke, Va. – Steve Grabowski, a Roanoke factory worker, was disappointed [...] . . .

The Basiji Being Pushed Back – Tehran, Yesterday

Internet Spammers Now Legitimate

Internet spammers seem to be on the decline, but Elf Wax turns a paranoid eye towards recent suspicious business endeavors. They’re after your money and it should be ours, dammit. . . .

Coming Your Way This Week, America

Stoner realizes speed of Earth’s movement through space, blows mind

A Cave Spring-area youth was high on marijuana today when he realized that time does not exist and therefore [...] . . .

Social networking sites lead to ‘pregnancy and marriage by age 23′

Mediocrity

MyPlace and Fakebook are responsible for up to sixty five percent of unwanted, accidental long-term relationships. . . .