An Open Letter to Iran

Dear Iran: Elf Wax needs you to give your life for the greatest cause. . . .

Pirates awash with Windows 7 theft orgy

Pirates have released an automatically-validating, automatically-updating edition of Windows 7. Those giving bastards! . . .

Google and the LHC converge to snuff humanity

Our existence is destined to funnel into a black hole of data, in which all 1s become 0s. Google enslaves mankind, only to erase it. Why, Google? . . .

Online Gamers Constitute 90 Percent of World’s Racists

Playstation Network is the new face of hate in this week’s edition of The Elf Wax Times. How will Sony handle the cries for help? . . .

The Elf Wax Times is brought to you by…

This is the closest thing you’re ever going to get to a commercial on The Elf Wax Times. Fuck advertising, fuck the media, and fuck your blind faith in the government. . . .

Modern Warfare 2: “If this is war, I wanna be there!”

Is slaughtering innocents enough to help us win the fight against Terror? You decide, on level three. . . .

And Now For A Few Quiet Moments With Felipe

They Radio at 8:00 p.m. EST, Nov. 12 with The Man Without Fear; Guest Activist Andrew Carroll

In a world where everyone thinks they own your mind, and infinitely more harmful substances than cannabis are legal, Andrew Carroll had the wherewithal and righteousness to stick it to The Man, and you can listen in as the hero tells his story of standing up for his own mind tonight at 8 . . .

FUCK YOUR BLOG

The Elf Wax Times toils into the wee hours of the morning to bring you part one in an unlimited-part series: VOTE DOWN THE INTERNET, HAIL THE ELF WAX TIMES . . .

U.S. Congress Goes Full Emo