Happy Festivus From The Elf Wax Times!

Let it be known that The Elf Wax Times actually posted something on Christmas. We are paid in pure, uncut cocaine. . . .

Internet addiction ‘doubles teen self harm’

China has conducted a very unbiased survey of a small group of Communism-loving teenagers who find themselves victimized by the Internet. . . .

Help, I’ve swallowed a fishhook!

OH MY GOD WHAT I HAVE DONE!!!1 PLZ HELP ME PLEEEZ!!!! BR? GIBE MONEY PLZ, WTS HEAVY AXE (lol n00bz) . . .

STAY INDOORS! DEADLY GEMINID METEOR SHOWER TONIGHT

Apocalypse or gift from the Heavens? You decide after we give you one hyper-delusional side of this annual story of Gemini’s Wrath. . . .

Eleven dead after release of new McDonald’s “food product”

Micky D’s Darkest Day: McDonald’s claims thousands of lives every year using diabetes, malnutrition and obesity, but today was different. . . .