Larry And His Flask

The Elf Wax Times got fucking wasted and saw a great show, vomited in an alleyway, then drove home to tell you about it. . . .

The Third World War on the Third World

NEW! MCMAFIA FROM MCDONALD’S, sold only in Italy. Read to find out what Sarah Palin’s hand has to say. Spoiler Alert: it’s not a handjob or else she wouldn’t have retarded children. . . .

Chris Crocker’s Internet Boyfriend Search

Elf Wax takes you on an inside look at a sad internet character’s contest and the sadder people who seek to be his boyfriend. . . .

Big Brother is watching you

FBI “head” Robert Mueller is requesting MOAR information from ISPs to aid in his quest for precious SAUCE or possibly get into human trafficking. . . .

Auto-tuned auto-tuning machine auto-tuned for the first time

T-Pain’s irresponsible use of what used to be known as “the Cher machine” has led to a breakdown of global economic politics hinging on the Panama Canal. . . .

Last Remains of Peace Scattered

Gandhi’s ashes have been swept into the sea. Now the rest of India and Pakistan prepare for the same immediate fate, as peace crumbles worldwide. . . .

Sarah Palin: Happy Marmot Day!

Sarah Palin is currently a bottomless source of hysteria on FOX News, but today her fucked up political career comes back to haunt her, for tomorrow is … Marmot Day! . . .