More Irrational Fears

Spending half my time in the shower destroying evidence that I wiped our bar of soap across my mane of pubic hair. Worrying that when I smile someone believes I think I’m better than them.

Shaemarie Skaggs

skaggs-kicker

Survivor. Lover. Artist. Free. . . .

That cyberterrorism’s gonna destroy America

I don’t get why we gotta be using these damn computers anyway. Especially if some jerkoff kids are gonna be hackin’ into my webcam and watchin’ me all hours of the night.

Orderin’ illegal gun modifications that I HAVE A RIGHT TO from the 2nd amendment is great, but what good does it do ME . . .

Dangerous chemicals discovered in organic food

All these chemicals in our food explain the diarrhea we've been experiencing.

Chronicle.SU hired an independent chemistry lab to test food products for dangerous chemicals. When the lab results came back, we were forced to completely reevaluate our individual diets.

The lab tests showed that nearly 80% of all food consumed by the . . .

HEY GUESS WHAT? MORE WAR!

libyan war map

Murder-Mom Casey Anthony goes to war against large-tittied Kim Kardashian, who said the gorgeous and camera-friendly Casey Anthony killed her own photogenic baby. We got your attention yet? Obama wants to go to war with Libya. . . .

Send us bitcoins so we can get some drugs from the Silk Road

Our bitcoin address is 1PpkFjUeCUc2gJmCVuw79zGQTKjzEWG8yr

None of your donations will be used for web hosting costs or prudent investments. We promise to blow every last coin on the Silk Road. It will fuel our “unhinged” and insane rants, providing you with that much more entertainment. We need your bitcoins more than ever. Times are tough, . . .

Lulz Lizards Invade the InterT00bz

Today, LulzSec released a manifesto on PasteBin outlining a more sophisticated set of motives. Like all posts on PasteBin, to trust it would be idiotic. It was the thousandth tweet spectacular, and the Lulz forever died. Us Lulz Lizards at Chronicle.SU would like to weigh in on these lofty statements from our pirate friends . . .

Internet “Not Anonymous Enough” for CHRONICLE Writer Old Brutus

Lenny Bruce

Yet another Chronicle staffer drops out of the Internet . . .

Mega-exclusive interview with Lulz Security

LulzSec sailed their LulzBoat into public waters today and Chronicle.SU reached them for comment. “Welcome to the bot-net!” exclaimed the limey young hackers. “You jelly of AnonNews, Chronicle?” . . .

Goodbye Internet

Fuck off. . . .