Categories
News

Pierre Dubois AKA Topiary V&

Wednesday, Scotland Yard announced they finally arrested LulzSec publicist Pierre Dubois, leader, propagandist, statesman, and owner of many bitcoins. When arrested, Topiary handed the police “investigator butthurt forms” which they refused to fill out. Dubois was arrested in the Shetlands, while on the run.

Topiary is currently being waterboarded by US agents as they repeatedly scream demands about Sabu, Hamas, and Al-Qaeda. Topiary has promised to respond only with internet memes.

Pierre Dubois’ Legacy

Pierre spoke to Tyler Bass and me over the telephone on June 13th, and I asked him if he felt what he was doing was reckless. ‘Reckless’ was not a word in his vocabulary.

Pierre Dubois is the inventor of the social DDoS, which uses a Twitter account to crash weak web sites, simply by linking hundreds of thousands of users to the same site. Chronicle.SU has been a repeated victim of social DDoS, first on June 13th, and again on July 16th. Pierre Dubois was also known for once popping into a Chronicle.SU Piratenpad session, and social DDoSing it into oblivion.

Categories
News

LulzSec to compromise PayPal accounts

Today, Lulz Security announced plans to compromise the overall security of PayPal, Inc are underway. In a panic, consumers have begun to withdraw their funds to invest in food, gold, and survival supplies.

A stand-in spokesperson for LulzSec said the group hopes to garner personal information from the upcoming hack of the world’s most popular paysite. The motive for the planned data breach was not immediately clear, but internal sources at PayPal hold that old Whitman appointees participate in open communications about bestiality and the trading of child pornography.

However, analysts have suggested that LulzSec are shifting the dreaded Lulz Cannon to the PayPal accounts of millions in a last-ditch effort to gain as much funding for future Anonymous operations as possible before they are all arrested.

In a leaked document from US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, Clinton suggests LulzSec is tied with Hamas and Al-Qaeda. Sabu stated that he is in no way tied to Islamic terror, despite the use of the Hamas insignia as his Twitter icon. Clinton said Sabu is also known for keeping photos of Hamas founder Sheikh Ahmed Yassin on his bathroom walls, where he neither urinates nor defecates, but “goes number 3.”

Cyber-activists have targeted PayPal in December over its complicit behavior in the suppression of WikiLeaks and Julian Assange. Fearing the kind of attacks LulzSec now promises, PayPal began working closely with Federal investigators two days after the first DDoS attacks.

In retaliation for December’s PayPal attacks – which were themselves retaliatory – the FBI is raiding every home matching the IPs found on a list of tens of thousands handed over to them by Radware, PayPal’s security firm and professional narcs.

Financial adviser Ricky Munichs, from the Chronicle Institute of Monetary Law said, “Until someone acts, the police state continues to protect PayPal from its own inhumane actions. For anyone interested in justice FOIA and politicians can’t bring, this is a godsend.”

LulzSec reported to us in an exclusive interview that this new attack will be vastly different, as the “Lulz Boat, with her upgraded armaments, is full steam ahead and docks tonight, among the unwatched ports on the shores of PayPal.”

Categories
Entertainment Reviews

Rebecca Black's new single: A perfect 'moment'

Rebecca Black, 14 year old pop-star famous for her hit single “Friday” recently released a new music video, ‘My Moment.’ She describes her new found fame as “weird, but cool.”

 

Ms. Black has been pushed around by Ark Music Factory, who attempted to exploit her fame. Black identifies with others who are being bullied, and sent out words of solidarity to others who are bullied. “It really sucks, being bullied.”

 

I find Ms. Black’s latest song to be a step above ‘Friday,’ and that is no small achievement. We are witnessing the early rise of a pop music icon who will one day join the ranks of Michael Jackson and the Beatles.

 

Also I wish she’d have sex with me.