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Categories
Hate Trolling

If you’re going to make up fake d0x…

Thursday, th3j35t3r decided to reveal what a truly pitiful charlatan he is. In d0xing the Chronicle, th3j35t3r was so incredibly full of fail that I actually felt embarrassed for him. Although most of us write under pseudonyms here at the Chronicle, we do not attempt to conceal our identity like th3j35t3r because we aren’t criminals. There’s really no point in d0xing us, except perhaps as part of a veiled threat. And we do not fear th3j35t3r.

A mouth-breathing little twerp could figure out who we are just by looking around the site a little. In fact, it’s happened before. Skiddie fanboys of Anonymous repeatedly published the name of one of our former writers with no good reason. In response to their stupidity, I anonymously posted my own fabricated d0x on AnonNews and fooled the hivemind completely. Every time I insulted Anonymous, they posted the d0x and I laughed at their gullibility. It is well documented that I created those d0x as a joke, and th3j35t3r published them anyway, unwittingly trolling himself into oblivion. He is less skilled than the average rage-filled teenybopper Anon.

I am better at d0xing myself than th3j35t3r is.

If that wasn’t stupid enough, th3j35t3r also published the information of innocent people to maintain his increasingly fragile pretense of skilled hacktivism. Niall Coffey has never written an article for us, and Alexi Halloway is just a random Facebook fan. Oh noez! Th3j35t3r has revealed the secret identities of the first few people who liked the Chronicle on Facebook. What an elite hacker! 

Th3j35t3r is unable to strike at Chronicle.SU in any meaningful way, so he’s become desperate to protect his ego. He tattled on us to Blue Host and complained about how we’ve violated the terms of service. What a motherfucking elite hacker!

The d0xing and the snitching have had no effect on the Glorious Chronicle, as th3j35t3r can’t harm us in any way. If he had any fans, we might be concerned, but apparently he has only two or three.

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Categories
News

Chronicle.SU Issued ‘Cease and Desist’ Notice

BREAKING: Bluehost, demanding we remove all disparaging posts mentioning th3j35t3r, threatened to take the Chronicle.SU off their servers Thursday unless Chronicle.SU issues public apology and formal proof of cyberbullying articles’ deletion.

We are so very sorry for hurting th3j35t3r’5 feelings. We did not realize she is so very fragile but now we know her emotions are as balanced as a bipolar single mom and we heed rightly all warnings not to upset her or her three ardent Twitter followers / defenders.

We have not removed the articles ourselves, but instead made th3j35t3r an official Chronicle.SU account, with privileges all to her own that will grant her the power she needs to remove the articles if she feels they are inaccurate or misrepresent her in any way. The username and password were direct messaged to her on Twitter Thursday morning.

We are also sorry for Twitter accounts controlled by this writer who, when not writing for the chronicle, has an extremely loose tongue and demonstrates great interest in the arid climates of female genitalia. But for that we can only be sorry, for what he does in his own time is his own business. But you can rest assured, he won’t bring that dicktalk to the Chronicle. No sir. He surely won’t.

And finally, we wish to make everything right for each individual offended by the Chronicle.SU so we ask that you upload our simple form and put a link to it in the comments section so we may assist your needs individually.

Thank you, and God Bless.

This message brought to you graciously by Lebal Drocer, Inc.
We own everything that matters.

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Categories
Local

Local man touches dick

Sources report great pleasure.

everybody’s afraid to use the chronicle
But I’m not

would you fuck me? yeah? you would. you’d fuck this. you’d fuck #oldbrutus

i know you would. i am touching my dick right now. I’m touch ing you. through this website.

PROBLEM: UPDATE
CHECK THIS UPDATE ON MY RELATIONSHIP STATUS WITH @MACH2600