WHATIS-THEPLAN? RIG THE VOTE

Hacker forum WhatIs-ThePlan has purposefully dissembled their true plan because it’s fucking disgusting. That’s right, those untrustworthy bastards at WhatIs-ThePlan are organizing mass election fraud for the 2012 election, as part of a non-violent coup. Hacker forum WhatIs-ThePlan has purposefully dissembled their true plan because it’s fucking disgusting. That’s right, those untrustworthy bastards at WhatIs-ThePlan are organizing mass election fraud for 2012 as part of a non-violent coup. Within the deepest recesses of their still-private forums, The Plan distributes malicious software designed to compromise the security of computerized voting machines. As it turns out, hacker overlord Sabu is working behind the scenes at The Plan to place himself at the head of America’s future hacktocracy, where only those who are able to hack voting machines will be given a voice. . . .

Boxxy, will you at least go on a date with me?

Catie Wayne, the creator of Boxxy, is possibly the greatest actress and troll of our time. As she comes of age and the crapflood of prepubescent fanboys turn gay, her fine art can be better appreciated. . . .

Will you marry me, Boxxy?

Dear Boxxy, you are so sexy and queen of the trolls. Will you take my hand in marraige? . . .

Michele Bachmann believes Elvis is still alive

On Wednesday, Michele Bachmann declared that Elvis was still alive and wished him a happy rebirth. A recent study showed that Republicans are just plain wrong a shocking 93% of the time. Analysts noted this figure is somewhat inflated because of Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin, whose wrongness creates an impossible mathematical scenario which relies on imaginary numbers. . . .

lowercase anonymous hacks bart police and releases personal information

hey fuckers we’re back. we are the evil anonymous who allows anyone to use our name. that’s right, anyone can be lowercase anonymous. today, we hacked bart police and released their info because we don’t give a fuck. uppercase anonymous has denied they had anything to do with the hack, and they are right. it was all lowercase anonymous. . . .

Chronicle.SU surpasses Buffalo Beast as internet’s leading satire web site

Wednesday, internet analysts declared Chronicle.SU finally outdid the Buffalo Beast in hilarity, traffic, and overall writing quality. Therefore, I have decided to stop writing for the Buffalo Beast and instead work solely for Chronicle.SU. Any posts on Buffalo Beast under the name of Ian Murphy will be ghost-written by my staff of underpaid Haitians. . . .

Why do old people care about 9/11 so much?

The other day a motorcycle gang rode down main street, waving American flags. In the middle of the parade was a piece of the World Trade Center, covered with signs identifying it. I don’t know why all these old people care about 9/11 so much. It’s not like they were there or it even affected anyone they know. I mean, everyone knows it was an inside job, anyway, right? . . .

Recreational Drug Advice from Doctor Angstrom H. Troubedaur

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubedaur

To your health! . . .

Liebin.com leads to unprecedented hackfaggotry

Want to get something off your chest and onto the interwebs? Wanna d0x an enemy anonymously? Tired of being written off as a troll? Do you just need attention? If you answered yes to any of these questions you need to spread your hateful disinformation with liebin.com, the interweb’s newest, most exciting place for hackfags to snitch on eachother, dump innocent people’s information, and post made-up IRC logs. . . .

An average 4chan post

Hey /b/ today my sister said she’d have sex with me so I decided to let trips decide yes or no. I’ll send you timestamped tits if it gets to 50 without trips, and decide yes if it gets to 100. . . .