Snooki Death Hoax causes mass panic in guidos and guidettes everywhere

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Horton Hears a “Foolish Statement” by Senator Leahy on “Cablegate”

WASHINGTON – Wednesday afternoon the White Phone got on the record with Scott Horton, lecturer-at-law at Columbia University and Harper’s columnist, after catching an informative at Fordham University panel discussion on C-SPAN. There on October 16 Mr. Horton had characterized the whistleblower status of Army Private Bradley Manning as tenuous. Private Manning’s alleged leaking, Mr. . . .

Romney Campaign distributes “relief” to GOP offices, Defense Contractors

Romney appears in Norfolk Virginia, promising millions in funding to Defense Contractors and those who promise to vote Republican.

NORFOLK, VA. – Tuesday, Republican President Candidate Mitt Romney’s second impromptu “relief rally” gathered supplies specifically for naval defense contractors and members of the Republican Party affected by Hurricane Sandy.

Four-thousand-dollar cash . . .

Snooki missing and presumed dead after Hurricane Sandy

Fans are already mourning the loss of Snooki

SEASIDE HEIGHTS, N.J. — The bloated corpse of Snooki was allegedly recovered and then dumped back into the sea Tuesday after the MTV star went missing early Monday evening.

When whaling experts off the Atlantic Coast noticed a disturbance in their dragnets, they claim . . .

HURRICANE SANDY WREAKS SAVAGE DESTRUCTION

SANDY EXPLODES NUCLEAR POWER PLANT

SOUTHAMPTON, N.Y. — HURRICANE SANDY HAS SWEPT THE NORTHEAST, LEAVING A TRAIL OF INCOMPARABLE DESTRUCTION. A COMBINATION OF HIGH TIDE AND STORM SURGE HAS FLOODED THE MONTAUK AND OYSTER CREEK NUCLEAR FACILITIES, NOW REPORTEDLY AT SUPERCRITICAL MASS. MELTDOWN IS IMMINENT, AND AREA RESIDENTS ARE BEING FORCEFULLY EVACUATED . . .

‘N Sync announces reunion tour

Boy Band ‘N Sync has arranged a tour of the United States and South America to kick off in the summer of 2013

INTERNET — ‘N Sync, famed “Boy Band” heart-throbs of the ’90s, have signed on for a Summer 2013 tour to span the whole Western Hemisphere. J.C. Chasez . . .

Hurricane Sandy Threatens White Communities Along Eastern United States

white-guy-scared-of-bitchstorm

We’ve never seen anything like it, John. Never before have Americans witnessed a storm so potentially threatening to the security of middle class whites. . . .

Felicia Garcia pulls an Amanda Todd

Get used to the Teenage Female Bullying-Suicide Heroes

NEW YORK — Fifteen-year-old Amanda-Todd-Wannabe Felicia Garcia jumped in front of a train after vicious bullying, following her appearance in a football team gangbang video passed around her high school. The male members of the gangbang were greeted with high fives and mute admiration . . .

Violent J of the Insane Clown Posse diagnosed with skin cancer

Here is a rare photo of “Violent J” without his carcinogenic face-paint.

DETROIT, MICH. — Joseph Bruce, aka Violent J, founding member of the Insane Clown Posse, released a statement to fans Friday canceling further tour dates pending his recovery from skin cancer. Doctors say the cancer was caused by carcinogens in . . .

Paul Ryan washes dishes at Ohio soup kitchen and hurries out

Paul Ryan meets free black man

Paul Ryan hurriedly washes a pan while lecturing schoolchildren about the inconvenience of calluses. . . .