Month: March 2013

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Hate News Politics Uncontrollable Patriotism World

Tom Ryan Spearheads Cyberwar on the DPRK

cocks
Under Armor Spokesman, @th3j35t3r Attacks North Korea

Under the moniker @th3j35t3r, a little-known Twitter account, Tom Ryan of Provide Security is currently gearing up for cyber war with North Korea, Anonymous in tow.

After a series of test runs against mom-and-pop DPRK websites, we see Tom Ryan, aka John Tiessen, as possessing the ability to completely cripple the entire infrastructure of North Korea’s Internets. While working with OWASP on Web app exploitation, in the mid ’90’s Ryan developed — with the help of a DARPA contract and Adrian Lamo —  a tool known only as XerXes, which sends “packets” to a given “serve,”, causing it to go offline temporarily. Some say it was also developed to really annoy Ron Brynaert.

This method, while not new, is very new and effective. The source code of XerXes has been hidden from the world for over two decades and far surpasses everything from WinNuke to LOIC/HOIC.

So is this a military operation? Is this what the NSA has been planning for years, General Keith Alexander at the helm? Or is this just a completely superfluous news article about something so utterly boring no one is reading?

We asked #hatesec’s Chairman of the Board Kevin Eubanks for comment, but all we got were some fucking lame jazz fusion licks instead.

Categories
Entertainment News

“Chumlee” of Pawn Stars arrested with seven pounds of marijuana

chumlee
Police say his limousine driver was high from an immense, billowing cloud of secondhand marijuana smoke.

LAS VEGAS — Austin “Chumlee” Rustle, known widely for his employment at the famed Gold and Silver Pawn Shop featured on “History” Channel’s “Pawn Stars” Reality Television Show, was arrested Friday for possession of over seven pounds of marijuana after police pulled his limo over for erratic driving. Chumlee’s lawyer, Jay Leiderman, said, “Chum had no intent to distribute this marijuana; all seven pounds were clearly for personal use.”

Richard “Old Man” Harisson and his son Corey “Big Hoss” Harisson reportedly paid Chum’s two million dollar bail, but Chumlee still faces up to 100 years in prison. History Channel did not comment on the incident, but Chumlee’s agent, Jorge Luis Peron, said Chum already checked into rehab, “Chumlee’s life has been a nightmare of drugs and video games, and this has hindered his performance at Gold and Silver. He’s gettin’ the help he needs! Chum will be back and better than ever in no time, don’t worry folks.”

Categories
Religion

Pope taking media joke “a little too far”

Pope Kisses For Photo Op
Pope Francis grovels Thursday at the hairy feet of a sub-human Muslim girl.

Top Cardinals at the Vatican said Pope Francis is “taking that whole ‘respecting the smallest and least-fortunate’ joke a little too far.”

The move has the Vatican PR Department worried the public has finally caught on to Catholic efforts to paint the church as a sympathetic, non-child-fucking institution.

“That was supposed to be tongue in cheek, you know, to pacify the media. Now he’s washing the feet of a Muslim prisoner? This is just sick. It’s time to come on back inside, Mr. Pope, and wash your hands for a dinner of souls.” – Pope Handler Jacob Inglacius

Inglacius said he told the Pope to break tradition on the Hope and Fear campaign that launched President Obama into permanent dictatorship.Pope of Change

“We asked him to do some stuff the Pope would never do – you know, ‘Be Christlike!’ – and all that – but now I think the joke is on us. I think he wants us to look bad by acting so good. I mean, you know he’s not really like this, right?  I’ve seen him play Euro Truck Simulator 2 14 hours straight.”

Chronicle religion expert Kilgoar Trout said the PR move comes as no surprise. The new Pope, Kilgoar said, is likely to go so far as take a positive stance on homosexuality – “How else is it ever going to be alright again for men of the cloth to fuck supple young altar boys?”