Syrian Dictator Bashar Al-Assad assassinated

RIP Bashar Al Assad, dead from an assassin’s bullet on March 24, 2013

DAMASCUS — Brutal Syrian Dictator and Opthamologist Bashar Al-Assad was assassinated by a disgruntled bodyguard Sunday Morning, as western propaganda alleged his involvement in recent chemical attacks rightfully attributed to so-called revolutionary forces which act as proxies for Christendom. Assad was . . .

Glenn Beck murders pet dog Victor

DALLAS — Teary-eyed and sobbing like a little girl, Glenn Beck announced that he would personally put his dog down on Sunday. “He is teaching me a very important lesson in dignity,” Beck said, as he shared his shameful emotions with the entire world. “He’s a Mason dog,” added Beck. “Victor’s lessons are . . .

Did Vic Livingston Sacrifice Frank Mason to Illuminati to Become Journalist?

MORRISVILLE, PA. — New analysis from The Internet Chronicle suggests that the 2012 murder of its editor-in-chief may have been a work of Pennsylvania journalist Vic Livingston. Livingston’s explosive reporting, fueled by an unreal Rolodex of establishment who’s-whos, has yielded exposé after exposé so groundbreaking that many believe there is no other possible . . .

Adria Richards Not Actually at PyCon; Assumed Psy-Op

Adria Richards Enjoys weev’s Sex Swing

Chronicle.su field correspondents spotted PyCon drama queen and feminist partying down with hackers and felons alike at a loft in Newark, New Jersey Sunday night, when supposedly at PyCon.

Richards, supposedly took out her feminist ire out on a poor python programming man at PyCon last weekend, getting . . .

President Obama assassinated by Tea Party House members

The nation mourns the President’s death.

WASHINGTON — Friday, President Obama returned from a visit to Israel in which he made threats to cut Israeli defense subsidies if Shimon Perez did not make concessions to Palestine. Upon returning to Washington, 23 Republican House members with Tea Party affiliation surrounded the President and fatally wounded . . .

“Joker Killer” James Holmes converts to Islam

James Holmes, a newly converted Muslim, now says his victims were infidels.

AURORA, Colorado — Thursday, news broke Mass murderer James Holmes re-imagined the motivation for his spree-killing and took up strict Islamic practices. Holmes’ spree-killing took place in a Colorado movie theater as a gunfight broke out on screen in the newest Batman . . .

Adrian Chen Gunned Down at PyCon

Adrian Chen, a pioneer of Python programming.

New York, New York–The infosec community lost another brave soul today as Adrian Chen’s Mazda Miata was run off the road by a vindictive troll. The news comes as a shock to family and friends as they find out about the true nature of his death, which . . .

Porn Legend Ron Jeremy Dead at 59

Ron Jeremy was revered for his generosity.

LOS ANGELES — Fans mourn the loss of porn star Ron Jeremy, whose remarkable cock exploded tragically during the opportunistic shooting of an unauthorized “onsite” pornographic film at Cedars-Sinai hospital. Jeremy was hospitalized after suffering a near-fatal heart aneurysm.

Mike Sesterman, Ron Jeremy’s agent, said Wednesday Jeremy . . .

Pretentious Chronicle Post Horrifies Millions

“The beauty of art is that it can be interpreted many ways by many different people.”

The great American struggle: grappling with the blank page

I was sitting at my computer just before dawn, listening to the steady crackle of my overworked record player, bouncing repeatedly off the groove in the paper label of . . .

The Idiot Crackdown

In 2010, WikiLeaks released film of an American bombing of reporters in Iraq leaked by Bradley Manning, a military intelligence analyst who fell in love with a WikiLeaks operative he knew only as Nathaniel. Bradley Manning fed Nathaniel millions of State Department memos, which further destabilized America’s delicate relations with the Arab world. Some believe . . .