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Hate Video

THE RADIATION NANOBOTS PERMEATE THE SKULL (what are these brown patches?)

follow-your-dreams

I HAVE NIGHTMARES WHERE A DARKNESS LEAKS OUT OF MY PHONE, INTO MY BRAIN, AND OBFUSCATES EVERY LAYER OF REALITY BEFORE IT.

THE LAYER WHERE I AM ASLEEP.

THE LAYER WHERE I AM A CLONE ON A CLONE FARM.

THE LAYER WHERE I AM THE MIND OF GOD.

THE CONTAINER LAYER OF GOD.

WINDOWS 95

I would completely annihilate my enemies in a retaliatory strike.

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Law News Obituaries Politics

Senator Wendy Davis dead at age 50

Emotional moments before Senator Davis’ untimely demise.

WASHINGTON, DC — Fans mourn the loss of Texas senator Wendy Davis as the news reels trickled in this morning. After amassing support from not only Texas democrats throughout her years as a politician, she managed to garner a hefty klout score last night as her awe inspiring anti-abortion bill filibuster ran for 11 hours straight.

While the Texas senator was in good shape, dawning pink Nike crossfit training shoes to keep her buoyant on her final dance floor, she could not outrun the angry mob of rubes awaiting her outside the senate floor who tweeted furiously #StandWithWendy, collapsing Davis under the weight of her own eFame.

“She was a total fighter,” said Cecile Richards, president of Planned Parenthood Action Fund and champion kick-boxer. “She’ll be missed around the gym, that much is certain.”

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News

Paula Deen commits suicide at 66

After a recent apology for racism, Paula Deen lost her Food Network contract and has now committed suicide.
After a recent apology for racism, Paula Deen lost her Food Network contract and has now committed suicide.

SAVANNAH, Ga. — Fans mourn the loss of Paula Deen, aged 66, who was found dead Tuesday morning after suffering a ruptured stomach. A suicide note was found by family members, which outlined her intention to eat herself to death and also contained many instances of the epithet “nigger-lovers.” This comes on the heels of a damning lawsuit which accused Deen of hiring an all-black staff for a “Southern-Style Wedding” and repeatedly using racial epithets. As a result of her honest apology, Deen was fired from Food Network.

Police say Deen ate “hundreds” of her own pre-packaged desserts which are sold at Wal-Mart and feature her face on the labeling. Investigators said, “We aren’t sure whether or not Deen suffered from a fatal stroke related to her Diabetes before or after her stomach burst. Coroners have said it’s possible that she first died from eating too much sugar, and then suffered the stomach rupture post mortem.”