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NSA totally behaving like creepy uncle at the Internet family reunion

Creepy old Uncle NSA. Where are his hands??
Creepy old Uncle NSA. Where are his hands??

It’s hanging onto everyone, leering around at the room as it gropes the family children, probing for stuff it’s not supposed to find.

“Uh-oh, what have we here? Something you’re not supposed to be doing. Your parents would be very upset if they knew that you did that. There, there. Don’t cry. Really. You can make it all better. That’s a good girl. You don’t have to cry. Uncle NSA can help you make it all better. Shhhhhhhh.”

The NSA knows all the best changing rooms, where they can take a peek at your children’s sexting photos and blackmail their enemies with the same handy multi-tool, connected right into that magical cloud like it’s Ghost in the Fucking Shell.

But I already know you’re not mad. I’m just saying.

Heck, I’m glad we have something like the NSA protecting our freedoms, like other paramilitary, sub-governmental groups such as the Taliban, Hezbollah and Hamas protect the freedoms of their constituents.

Thanks, creepy Uncle NSA! Give me a hug. Hey! Tee-hee. Watch the hands!

This message brought to you jingoistically by Lebal Drocer, Inc. – American patriotism at its finest.

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Banksy shot dead on the run from NYPD

Banksy's death brings a fresh point of view to his artwork. Certainly he is in hell now.
Banksy’s death brings a fresh point of view to his artwork. Certainly he is in hell now.

NEW YORK — Banksy’s New York studio attempted to drop a giant banner spanning the entire George Washington Bridge, which would have said “LONDON RULES, NEW YORK DROOLS,” but police reportedly assailed Banksy before any of the 2,000 banners were successfully hung. Police were tipped off by new spy drones which peer through windows at suspected drug houses and at the hotel rooms of foreign dignitaries.

After evading arrest and reaching for the smartphone in his pocket, which police believed may have been a weapon, Banksy was shot 77 times. No investigation is being held.

Anonymous family members of Banksy asked fans of Banksy not to report on his identity and ignore tabloid media which is making money in a way Banksy would never approve of. Banksy was 64 years old and had three children and will be missed by fans more than any graffiti artist in all of time.

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Postmodern Architecturalist Revolution Begins

American legislature's circular design more emphasized than Chinese.
American legislature’s circular design more emphasized than Chinese.

INTERNET — King Arthur and his knights sat at a round table so that none might be seen as sitting at its head. The knights, deciding as a group, accepted the quest for the Holy Grail and set out into the forest individually, entering where each personally felt the forest was at its darkest. None went together, for they all knew that would be shameful cowardice and fear of the dark. Meanwhile, the Grail king sat in his castle, ruling by default with a grievous and fatal wound from the ancient Roman spear which pierced Christ.

Although Arthur’s government is monarchic, the architecture of its meeting hall, a round table, embodies much ideology continued in contemporary Western culture and democratic governance, showing a clear preference for speech without privilege. Coupled with that is the identification of the quest with individuation, as each knight must take a separate, perilously individual path.

Western Ideology has bubbled to consciousness in this story and its architecture. This ideology is set in opposition to the Grail King, who rules by default in a watery castle hidden to the conscious mind, bearing a grievous wound which will not heal. The grail has been depicted in many ways and attributed with various powers, but the boon of the grail quest lies in taking over for the Grail King without suffering from the same unconscious blind spots, indicated by both violent Roman Humanism and Christ’s Passion on display in his wound. Parsifal, because of some poor advice, fails to mention the Grail King’s wound and so fails the quest. Parsifal is told it is impossible to try again, but by now he has learned to ignore advice and succeeds anyway.

The American Senate’s chamber is a bisected circle, a half Arthurian table showing the American mania for competing parties. The President’s Oval Office is a distortion of Arthur’s table, squeezing the idea of equality like the Ancient Greek paradox, “first among equals,” while maintaining its wholeness. The exteriors of government buildings, based on Greek and Roman temples, continue in a design tradition intended to impress with divine authority. They are now left bare and white in reference to the ruins of the temples, an effect which suggests the timelessness of God.

Postmodern Architecturalist, Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, believes that many of the problems of the US government are determined by the architecture of state apparatuses. Dr. Troubador, at a round table discussion with fellow Revolutionary Architecturalists, told the press, “You want an end to the two party system? You want better government? Build a circular congress with no aisles and no rows! Seems unwieldy, eh, what with all those people at one round table, but we’ve got the internet now. It’s the biggest damned round table there is, in some places . . . Yeah, there’s still going to be a hierarchy, there’s always going to be hierarchies. People gotta cooperate, make decisions. Thing is, Caesar starts thinking he’s God and it ain’t even his fault, it’s the architecture fucking him up. We don’t need Arthur’s round table, we just need some contemporary version where privileged speech doesn’t emanate from a great podium at the top of stairs to heaven inside of ancient sun bleached Greek temples.”