Cult-leader ‘kilgoar’ BANNED from Rust: “Ye fiyed”

I’m cucksec and you’re reading the Future of News ‘Net Chronicle.su After a juvenile, embarrassing and misdirected rant posted to internet hate site CHRONICLE.SU – creators of the videogame Rust banned a player named “kilgoar” who wrote the “BLOG post” seen by millions. A ‘blog is short for web-log which – unlike this news site …

#THumP offers fake reward to Kilgoar ‘n Hatesec

INTERNET — The THumP (Humanity Party) campaign is in full damage control after a real barn burner of a very special hour long Hate Radio podcast by Kilgoar ‘n Hatesec. Kilgoar’s research proved beyond a doubt that THumP is a political party controlled not by anyone previously connected with Anonymous, but rather by Nemelkite Mormon …

Internet Chronicle writer “Kilgoar” Trout dead at 27

WASHINGTON – Monday, “Kilgoar” Trout, founder of the beloved Internet Chronicle, died from a simultaneous drug overdose and car wreck while on his way to a “business meeting.” Police forensics experts seemed befuddled reporting, “We’ve never had a case of death by the combination of overdose and car accident, but this is what appears to …

When did Julian Assange turn Wikileaks BAD?

Was Julian Assange protecting bastards while he was supposed to be crushing them? When it comes to “crushing bastards,” there are only certain bastards he’s willing to crush, according to internal sources. The full discussion is here, in a brand new episode of Hate Radio, from chronicle.su, brought to you incredibly by Lebal Drocer Incorporated. …

INTERNET CHRONICLE proclaims VICTORY over ENTIRE state of Virginia

This is a reminder Internet Chronicle is the BEST and ONLY source of Real News Journalism this side of the Mississippi River, and especially in the Roanoke Valley. What made CHRONICLE.SU the BEST and helps us continue to lead the Real News Industry? Our reporters call to let us know if they’re going to be …

UNBELIEVABLE CATASTROPHE: ACID “FREAKOUT” BLAMED IN WRONGFUL DEATH OF LOCAL MAN’S EGO

A man’s ego was shattered Thursday while in the depths of an LSD freakout so intense, even his neighbors reported feeling it. Jill Stern, 73, says she was peering suspiciously at the world through her blinds when she felt uneasy. “I sort of felt what I’d call a cosmic disturbance, like Danny was up there …

chronicle.su dead after 10 years

Fans mourn the loss of Internet Chronicle, the satire site best known for its award-winning coverage of the Arab Spring, for which the site assumes all credit. chronicle.su was pronounced dead at 4:45 a.m. EST. Cause of death was listed as “Complications associated with acquired immunodeficiency syndrome,” or AIDS. Editors recently celebrated the site’s 10-year …

hatesec dead at 30

NEW YORK — Fans mourn the loss of of Raleigh T. Sakers, the satirist better known by the name ‘hatesec’ who died early Monday morning at his home in Brooklyn. Hatesec was pronounced dead at 3:27 a.m. EST. Cause of death was listed as “Complications associated with acquired immunodeficiency syndrome,” or AIDS. He was 30. …

VICE: We attended a New York May Day demonstration, got bored and left early

A couple days ago I visited Union Square during the opening remarks of the Democratic Socialists of America. It was boring, and I did not stay for the 5 o’clock march to City Hall. Kilgoar and I anticipated seeing Twitter personalities there, but they were all reportedly wearing masks, so I could not identify or …