The Social Media World War Spring

World War 4: Modern Warfare hits shelves tomorrow

World War 4: Modern Warfare hits shelves tomorrow

KIEV — Ukraine’s new government launched “anti-terror” military operations to eject Russian mercenaries entrenched in Eastern Ukraine. Mercenaries with these same fatigues were supported by the nationalist bike gang cavalry in taking Crimea from the new American-backed European Union “Nazis” in Kiev.

These are default lies, insulting to anyone with a shred of intelligence, which are plucked from the ocean of data available now that participating in a never ending focus group, “social media,” is the most popular pastime for internet users. The scary other is generated in a mutual relationship between the audience and the panderer, and this relationship is heightened where broadcasting equipment goes full facebook, twitter, youtube and eventually the audience and the panderer merge to generate an exceptionally convincing pander. This is a high-def photographic rendering of every ideological contour instead of the stylized oil canvas panoramas of the Nazis, Communists, or the victorious United States of America.



Daymon “Daym Drops” Patterson Dead from Heart Attack

“Daym,” who died Wednesday from a heart attack, was known for his bombastic takeout reviews.

INTERNET — Youtube sensation and fast food review monarch “Daym” of the Daym Drops channel was known for a famous review of Five Guys Burgers and Fries, in which he coined his signature line, “Oh my Dayum.. . .

Heartbleed infects 98% of internet and was designed by NSA, says Chinese President Xi Jinping

Kevin Mitnick and the Chinese President have hearts bleeding all over the NSA

BEIJING — Heartbleed, the most dangerous state-crafted cyber weapon since stuxnet, is a virus that infects nearly every device connected to the internet, and it was crafted by the NSA as an offensive weapon according to a statement from Chinese . . .

Ancient interstellar tracking beacon spotted on Mars

Ancient aliens who have carefully cultivated life on Earth from a distance used this tracking beacon on Mars to guide their ships in safely and undetected.

OLYMPUS MONS — Final and incontrovertible proof of intelligent alien life was photographed by Nasa’s Mars Curiosity Rover, Tuesday, and even the most skeptical scientists are hailing . . .

10 Summer Health Tips by Dr. Troubadour

Rich white man "cannot take the oppression"

Real doctor

Skincare Advice From Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour

Sup fellow dudes! I have come up with a totally badass plan to get you ready for the summertime. By following these 10 easy tips, you can battle the blistering heat coming off that god damn life-giving star in the sky.

1. Skin Cancer . . .

Chris Hedges slams Israel, blames ‘intellectuals’ for Occupy failure

Israel backed by United States

Hedges said while he and Dr. Cornel West were having dinner, the two of them recused lazy journalism professors and other intellectuals of being too busy to support free speech. . . .

Mike and Frank of American Pickers celebrate legal gay marriage

Mike and Frank firmly grip female busts “picked” from a “honey hole”

INTERNET — Mike and Frank of American Pickers, the world’s most popular on-screen gay couple since Laurel and Hardy, have been granted a legal marriage and plan to artificially inseminate Danielle, who will give birth to their new family. Until then, . . .

Ian Watkins Dead At 36

Ian Watkins planned on raping a handful of babies.

Watkins was pronounced dead at 4:38 a.m. UTC. Cause of death was listed as “self asphyxiation, or suicide by hanging.” He was 36. . . .

John Cena dead after “relentless cyberbullying”

John Cena dead at 37 from bullying

INTERNET — John Cena, twelve time heavyweight champion and professional wrestler for the WWE was found dead Wednesday morning. Investigators said Cena drank a gallon of bleach after cyberbullies targeted him with “life ruining” tactics and death hoaxes.

Detective Greg Samberg, who is investigating Cena’s case, . . .

Power And Success: A Tale Of Unchecked Cis Privilege


I wake up late in the morning to the sound of my 10/10 Asian girlfriend, who’s crying because while I was asleep I wasn’t having sex with her.

Then, responding to what sounds and feels to them like rape, the neighbors call police to my multimillion-dollar mansion.

The police . . .