VISIT GRIMLIES NATIONAL PARK TODAY

The Grimlies are beautiful this time of year and just the thing to spice up your social media feed

The Grimlies are beautiful this time of year and just the thing to spice up your social media feed

TOURISM — Stare at your phone in awe and wonder as you take in the natural beauty of the Grimlies and enjoy the internet streaming from our thoroughly disguised 4g towers placed on the crest of every ridge. When visiting, keep your phone at the ready at all moments, because bears may appear at any time, and they are not only dangerous but valuable to your social media reach.

We have the most beautiful views for you to pose in front of for friends on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, and Twitter, including but not limited to mountains, waterfalls, and bubbling rivulets. Our Five Star restaurant prepares the most photogenic food available in the entire South, serving up plates in a dazzling array of colors in our well lit booths. Be creative, even on rainy or foggy days the woods can be magical. A visit to Grimlies National Park will surely gain enough likes to take your social media game to the next level.

Gaze in wonder as your affordable Grimilies National Parks augmented reality app turns your phone into a time machine, reviving long-dead Indians, Bison, and old growth forests so you can see history as it really happened. We’ve got fiber optic cabins available for those who want to share their excursion with blazing fast internet speeds not even available in most cities.

Pope Francis declares military Crusade against ISIS

Pope Francis to underwrite millions of soldiers in a transnational Christian Army to tackle ISIS

SEPTEMBER 11 — Pope Francis held a global council of Christian leaders from all creeds Thursday and declared a “New Crusade,” calling on “volunteer Christian soldiers” to oppose the rise of the New Islamic Caliphate (ISIS or ISIL). . . .

Comcast deploys military police to Ferguson, MO

The Comcast customer service agency Xfinity Force Alpha executes orders to "kill on sight" any civilian who resists their fastest in-home WiFi limited time deal.

“The free market has a solution for Ferguson.” . . .

Repression Quest

INTERNET — The video gamer atmosphere was heavier with repressed sexuality than ever before, and positive reviews of a video game called Depression Quest kept flying off the pages of game review publications. “A game that you have to read? And when you read it, its intention is not to make you have fun, it’s . . .

Robert Crumb dead at 71

Robert Crumb will be deeply missed by his fans

FRANCE — Fans mourn the death of Robert Crumb, also known as R Crumb, who died suddenly Thursday from a rare exploded prostate. Crumb was known for his cartoon characters Fritz the Cat, Mr. Natural, and the album artwork on Janis Joplin’s Cheap Thrills.

. . .

Anonymous Hacker Commander X takes down Facebook

 

Commander X has risen through the ranks of Anonymous to become its most powerful leader yet.

INTERNET — Commander X, famed hacker from Anonymous, took credit for downing Facebook today with a powerful new cyber weapon known as Padmasambhava, named after the Commander’s Tibetan Buddhist roots. Commander X, also known as Chris . . .

How Can I Alpha Up?

Whether you like it or not, the invisible hand of the sex market is stroking off alphas all over America

“One must take the Red Pill to escape to reality, outside of ideology, specifically Feminist Theory, the dominant ideology which suppresses all forms of masculinity. This is a force that acculturates mostly white . . .

Jeep to manufacture all new 2015 model Patriots in only the color white

The all new 2015 Jeep Patriot comes in an untainted, never-mixed white color.

Patriots will be manufactured in only one color: White. . . .

Police “Desperately Outgunned” by Nonviolent Criminals, ‘Obama Study’ Shows

ferguson-police-need-more-guns

Roanoke County Va. police officers cower behind one of only four humvees, and await public insurrection.

WASHINGTON – Raped by images of rioters menacing barely-armed peace officers, President Barack Obama received results from a comprehensive review of the Department of Defense program which hands down military-grade equipment to police departments in . . .

NSA Leaker on Ferguson Internet Outages — “We pulled the plug”

NSA’s HATEFINGER has been deployed to quell the spread of “virulent domestic unrest” in Ferguson

INTERNET — The NSA, seeing that the flow of data into and out of Ferguson, Missouri was inevitably leading to a nationwide anti-police revolution, “pulled the plug,” as an Anonymous NSA leaker told Internet Chronicle. The active weapon, . . .