Author: Kilgoar

INTERNET — An exclusive Internet Chronicle investigation into records made public through the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) revealed that Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) has hired tens of thousands of undocumented or “illegal” immigrants, who are being given a path to citizenship in exchange for their service in deporting other illegals.

The Trump administration has struggled to hire ICE agents, offering massive bonuses in a nationwide television advertisement campaign which aims to to poach agents from local police forces.

“You took an oath to protect and serve … you’re ordered to stand down,” one commercial told viewers, offering a $60,000 signing bonus to new hires.

ICE has few requirements for applicants, and with average ages of newly hired citizens exceeding 55 years old, what’s not shown in the commercial are details of a secretive citizenship path for illegal immigrants who become agents, utilizing an Obama era amnesty provision for federal employees.

“The truth is very few police officers are joining ICE, unless they are already retired, with the majority too old to do anything aside office work. Most of the agents doing the hard work deporting people on the streets are coming from South or Central America, and they’re getting a $60,000 signing bonus and Obama era amnesty regardless of their immigration status,” Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador told reporters. “They’re given the choice to either hunt or become hunted, to join ICE or be sent to the camp.”

White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt fired back at reporters questioning this policy’s wisdom, “Americans just don’t want to do dirty jobs anymore, and if you don’t like it, you can blame Obama’s amnesty provisions which are causing this to happen. President Trump is doing everything in his power to purge America of illegal criminals, who are the worst of the worst.”

Meanwhile, rumors among immigrants on TikTok suggest this system of employing illegals to enforce immigration crime has led to widespread corruption and abuse of seemingly endless cash bonuses.

“ICE showed up and arrested Pedro as soon as he finished the last roofing job,” Jorge Hernandez said in a TikTok video that’s now gone viral, “I thought he might be in that camp with the cartel, but then he’s at my door with a gun and a vest trying to talk me into being deported. He said, ‘Jorge, I’ll split the $60,000 with you and fly you back here next week, you’re a citizen anyway so they can’t stop you coming back or put you in a camp.’ I said ‘no way, I don’t want to risk that.’ But I let him take Hernando, it’s good for him to meet his grandparents and set up a fund for his college education.”

INTERNET — As the media frenzy over Trump’s ties to Jeffrey Epstein boil over, Vice President Vance has quietly moved forward in talks with Stephen Miller, who finished the first draft of Project 2026 Monday evening.

Stating that national security is threatened by a “brain drain” as wealthy liberals leave the nation, Project 2026’s first priority is to restrict travel and ban Americans from emigrating or becoming citizens of other nations.

While it’s true that school shootings, political retaliation, racist violence, and mass imprisonments have driven well-to-do liberal Americans into leaving the country by the tens of thousands each month, that isn’t the whole story. According to some experts, the architects of Project 2026 are more concerned with the possibility of lower income classes leaving the country by the tens of millions when Project 2025’s Soviet-style forced labor provisions begin to kick in.

Historian and Political Science professor Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, however, believes this sudden shift in policy was planned, “The wall was never about keeping immigrants out, but rather keeping the masses in, and forcing productivity out of them. The New Iron Curtain, as Vance himself calls it, will have Americans working for even less than the illegals.”

Troubador sat back in his chair, smoking a cuban, “You wanna know what I really think? ICE is only running a pilot program with the deportations, and in the end it’s all going to build up to this sophisticated paramilitary for compelling labor, punishing political expression, and imprisoning tens of millions of American citizens. You think they arrested citizens on accident? Think again. They are only pushing against the Republic for judicial or legislative resistance and weeding it all out ahead of time. Any Americans who aren’t imprisoned will find themselves in permanent debt and compelled to work forty hours a week at jobs they are not legally allowed to quit. Project 2026 signals the end of Republicanism and the beginning of a dynastic totalitarian empire.”

INTERNET — Ghislaine Maxwell granted her first telephone interview from prison to Internet Chronicle reporters. After meeting with DOJ officials, Wednesday, Maxwell shared details of her lurid affair with President Trump.

IC: Who was your contact with the DOJ, in your recent meeting?

GM: It was Trump himself, I was taken to the local Federal building and spoke with the president and Kash Patel over a secure line. He had great things to say.

IC: Great things? Do you expect that you’ll receive a pardon in the coming days?

GM: That’s what I’ve been promised.

IC: We’ve been reviewing the Epstein tapes, and we’ve heard Jeffrey complaining about Trump sleeping with all his friends’ wives. Did Trump ever attempt anything with you?

GM: Absolutely. Every time he could, he grabbed me just like he always bragged about. I don’t usually go for that but he’s famous, you know? I heard that tape and everyone does everyone’s wives in our circle, Jeffrey just got mad because he wasn’t cool like that. Hell, we all banged Melania whenever we felt like it.

IC: What was in the box that you brought back from the meeting?

GM: Snacks, drinks, some personal items. It wasn’t the list if that’s what you’re getting at.

IC: So when it comes to the child sex trafficking, what was Trump’s involvement there?

GM: Trump’s 100% innocent. Melania had nothing to do with it. Nothing. There’s no list, no crimes, and all the accusations against me are political lies cooked up by the Democrat Party.

IC: What do you think took place during the missing three minutes from Epstein’s prison suicide video?

GM: How the hell should I know? Democrats maybe? They probably killed him! God, he was a gentle, loving man who would never harm a fly. Donald Trump was lucky to have him as a friend for so long, up until Trump banned Melania from working for us. It’s like all those years and it’s over just like that?

IC: What are your plans for when you get out of prison?

GM: I’m going to become chair of the Young Republican National Federation, do youth outreach. I wanted something more official in the administration, but this actually pays a lot more and I’m not exactly bargaining with a full hand here so whatever. I’ve got to go. Trump is 100% innocent, make sure you print that.