The Social Media World War Spring

World War 4: Modern Warfare hits shelves tomorrow

KIEV — Ukraine’s new government launched “anti-terror” military operations to eject Russian mercenaries entrenched in Eastern Ukraine. Mercenaries with these same fatigues were supported by the nationalist bike gang cavalry in taking Crimea from the new American-backed European Union “Nazis” in Kiev.

These are default . . .

Daymon “Daym Drops” Patterson Dead from Heart Attack

“Daym,” who died Wednesday from a heart attack, was known for his bombastic takeout reviews.

INTERNET — Youtube sensation and fast food review monarch “Daym” of the Daym Drops channel was known for a famous review of Five Guys Burgers and Fries, in which he coined his signature line, “Oh my Dayum.. . .

Heartbleed infects 98% of internet and was designed by NSA, says Chinese President Xi Jinping

Kevin Mitnick and the Chinese President have hearts bleeding all over the NSA

BEIJING — Heartbleed, the most dangerous state-crafted cyber weapon since stuxnet, is a virus that infects nearly every device connected to the internet, and it was crafted by the NSA as an offensive weapon according to a statement from Chinese . . .

Ancient interstellar tracking beacon spotted on Mars

Ancient aliens who have carefully cultivated life on Earth from a distance used this tracking beacon on Mars to guide their ships in safely and undetected.

OLYMPUS MONS — Final and incontrovertible proof of intelligent alien life was photographed by Nasa’s Mars Curiosity Rover, Tuesday, and even the most skeptical scientists are hailing . . .

Mike and Frank of American Pickers celebrate legal gay marriage

Mike and Frank firmly grip female busts “picked” from a “honey hole”

INTERNET — Mike and Frank of American Pickers, the world’s most popular on-screen gay couple since Laurel and Hardy, have been granted a legal marriage and plan to artificially inseminate Danielle, who will give birth to their new family. Until then, . . .

John Cena dead after “relentless cyberbullying”

John Cena dead at 37 from bullying

INTERNET — John Cena, twelve time heavyweight champion and professional wrestler for the WWE was found dead Wednesday morning. Investigators said Cena drank a gallon of bleach after cyberbullies targeted him with “life ruining” tactics and death hoaxes.

Detective Greg Samberg, who is investigating Cena’s case, . . .

Secret contact with intelligent extraterrestrials proven by leak, says Julian Assange

Wikileaks reveals Skylab encountered aliens

INTERNET — Julian Assange came forward with documents hacked from the CIA cloud database which prove “beyond a shadow of a doubt” that extraterrestrials have been in contact with the CIA since 1973, when one of their ships appeared outside Skylab.

During launch, Skylab’s solar array was damaged . . .

Algorithm Jamming and the “future” of art

There’s little doubt about it — except in this article’s fake linkbait title — algorithm jamming is the present stage of the world’s most popularly viewed “art.”

An inhumanly vast body of algorithmically generated nonsense exists and exposes you to advertisers, an entertainment industry completely devoid of any entertainment but the shred that exists in . . .

World on brink of nuclear war

This is it. This is finally the end. It’s over.

INTERNET — As Russian forces storm into Ukraine, strained voices in both the Kremlin and the Pentagon are clamoring for a quick and easy nuclear solution.

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, expert in ecological geopolitics, told reporters, “They’ve got their fingers on the nuclear . . .

Snowden’s Telepresent High Horse

Snowden, at a TED talk, inside of a telepresence robot.

INTERNET — Edward Snowden’s huge cache of NSA documents seems to be doing a lot to publicize the NSA’s incredible cyberwar capabilities, spread fear and distress among would-be revolutionaries, and cast a light of truth so bright on the government that it risks . . .