Vice Visits a Cancer Village in China
VICE NEWS — We went into the heart of China’s Cancer Villages and shoved cameras into the pained faces of villages of people living out slow deaths, and we even brought Shoenice along to eat some of the tainted street food outside the lead foundry. But that was just the twenty minutes we showed you in our insipid exploitative voyeuristic documentary, an unjust fraction of the pestilence we saw. I spent one night in the Cancer Village and have since developed an acute brain tumor that will kill me. I am incredibly ashamed I didn’t identify the people I interacted with there as true human beings, actual living entities with as many layered meanings to their lives as my own. I can’t stop thinking of the bum I filmed, sleeping in the streets of Chernobyl. Now I am him.
I burned the documentary of my own story and the camera that I filmed it on because I don’t want people to see me like that, as if peering in at me through a keyhole. I felt even worse for those I’d exploited for the sake of profits and yuks, and I thought of following Ayn Rand’s philosophy and burning down Vice News. Instead, I’ve decided to write for Chronicle.SU, and have leveraged a good plan through Obamacare to pay for LSD and Heroin as I document my death.
Cancer’s a bummer, but a whole village of people with cancer is as quiet as death. I felt like I’d stepped into purgatory or hell, a kind of slow hell that God had forgotten, and I was an Atheist. Now I know better, thanks to my friends at Chronicle.su. I know soul and matter to be fused. Nothing’s just a feeling, or everything is, but none of that last gasp of metaphysical nonsense can transfer to you the change The Cancer Village gave to me. I thought of Vice as some kind of activism or beneficent reportage operation, but now I think it’s worse than celebrity tabloids because it goes after people who don’t want attention.
The quantum drive works by exerting unequal forces within a seemingly closed system that is actually open due to different frames of reference within the system.
INTERNET — A new propellantless drive technology first described by Roger Shawyer was confirmed and legitimated by NASA experiments, as a parallel technology has been shown to work in a Chinese lab that arrived at its similar propellantless design through a different theory. Even in its current primordial form, the propellantless (but not reactionless) drive makes much existing space technology hopelessly obsolete. Unlike an ion engine, the preferred technology for efficient maneuvers in orbital space, there is no propellant or need to move through a medium of ions. With the same solar panels as an ion drive, this new drive can produce nearly four times the thrust and operate for ten times longer with less than a tenth of the total weight, and that’s only in its most primitive prototype stage. The magnetron cathodes currently manufactured for satellites are rated for 15 years of operation and are expected to be the limiting factor for the drive’s operation in its current iteration.
Despite hysterical reporting that this drive is “impossible” or somehow breaks established laws of physics, the quantum drive, also known as Em(electromagnetic)Drive or relativity drive, creates motion with a microwave resonance differential in a supercooled chamber designed with a very conservative theoretical framework that has been around for nearly a century. One might assume that different resonances within the supercooled conical chamber could not result in motion because the cone is a closed system (like a man lifting the chair he is sitting in), but its designer says that each end of the chamber has a different frame of reference and is therefore an open system.
During the development of similar but non-conical microwave resonant chambers in the Tesla particle accelerator, “mechanical deformation due to internal EM radiation pressure” was found responsible for detuning the accelerator, yet another description of the effect demonstrated and duplicated in the quantum drive. NASA stated with a must of sour grapes, in contradiction with the assessment of its inventor, that the effect is not attributable to any previously known electromagnetic phenomenon but may work through an “interaction with the quantum vacuum virtual plasma.”
The quantum drive has also been described as a kind of solar sail in space applications, as in that application it transforms radiant energy into motion. Unlike previous solar sails, the quantum drive can direct and control this energy with incredible precision.
Shawyer’s mathematical models project that a more refined version of the technology will be able to lift over 3 tons per kilowatt, a possibility with boggling applications and consequences. Flying cars, space elevators, enormous construction projects in space, colonization of the solar system, geoengineering, terraforming, interstellar probes, and many other science fiction plot devices all of the sudden are more plausible than ever. Read more at emdrive.com.
TOLEDO - Toledo is in a state of emergency today after EPA chemists found a deadly toxin in the water that automatically kills anything it touches. After hours of research, no one yet understands the wretched algal bloom that appeared over Lake Eerie and started coming out of Toledoan’s water faucets Saturday.
The price of water in the midwestern town shot up to $10 per gallon, and the town has been described as a post-apocalyptic nightmare scenario akin to “Raccoon City” of the popular zombie survival videogame Resident Evil.
Experts have suggested the toxic algae bloomed “far beyond” what occurs in nature.
Jim Glube, researcher for the federal EPA, said the water supply was intentionally poisoned.
“I’ve seen this before,” Glube said. “You don’t get algae bloom like this out in the wild without artificial intervention. Someone had to go out on the lake and spread this stuff around.”
Glube said the poisoning could be the work of bioterrorists or some kind of “new world order.”
“The move was so calculated, I’m willing to say this was not just one guy,” Glube told Chronicle investigators. “Based on Eerie’s size, and the magnitude of the spread, my guess is this was a calculated effort to bring about some kind of new world order.”
Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour is an editor of the peer-reviewed journal Nature. Troubadour said if the town was poisoned, then “Nestle would know something about it,” because they have private access to the lake, but no one from the company would respond.
“Remember the baby formula thing,” Troubadour said. “Nestle is not very cautious. They don’t care, and they are connected to very, very horrible people who believe access to water is not a basic human right.”
As scientists grapple with how to solve the humanitarian crisis in Toledo, politicians are assuring residents up front that they are working on an alternative water solution. And in the back, they’re asking their corporate donors to donate next year to the PAC instead.
The Toledo Health Department says it is critical residents know the following:
- It is safe for healthy adults to bathe, but do not let the water stay on your skin longer than a few minutes.
- Do not drink tap water until the ‘all clear’ has been given. This also includes pets.
- Do not use tap water to cook.
- Do not boil tap water, as this increases the concentration of toxins.
- It is OK to use your toilet, as long as no water splashes up into your butt hole.
- If you’re on well water, have your well water tested daily. If the poisoning was intentional, there is no way to tell who is being targeted or how far the killers will go
FaceFuck allows you to find lookalike pornstars by integrating with your friends on facebook
INTERNET — The new FaceFuck porn app allows you to link your Facebook friends into a database of lookalike pornstars and stream from a database of over ten million videos for $2.99 a month. FaceFuck chief executive Peter L. Hayman explained the process excitedly, saying, “We’ve known for a long time that we’re sitting on a goldmine of nearly infinite porn, but there’s never been a good way to find just what your dick needs except by luck or hours of study. That type of browsing is totally obsolete with FaceFuck, where finding just the right porn stars for your fantasies is as easy as surfing Facebook. Once you install FaceFuck, all you need to do is click on that special someone who’s got you horny and FaceFuck will take you straight to a plethora of lookalikes in every position you could imagine.”
Mark Zuckerborg, founder and creator of Facebook, threatened to sue Peter L. Hayman, saying, “Facebook has always been a family-oriented operation and Peter Hayman’s earned himself a lifetime ban.”
Popular feminist voices issued stern warnings that FaceFuck would encourage the male gaze and, in the words of Lauralie Penny, “Deepen rape culture to levels which will trigger historic dialectical forces which necessitate a violent revolution for women’s rights.” She quickly deleted the tweet, but not before trolls took to the previously ironic #killallmen hashtag and issued their disgust at such oppressive and silencing speech that made them fear for their very right to exist.
Alex Jones was known for spearheading the “truther” movement and uncovering the truth behind every lie the government tells.
INTERNET — Alex Jones disappeared Saturday, leaving friends and family wondering if secret globalist police forces have finally silenced the man who knew too much.
Geopolitical expert and analyst Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador said, “I think this is the last we’ve heard from Alex Jones. No one was able to speak the truth like Alex Jones, and it’s amazing that he was able to operate for so long without being silenced. But as his audience has grown, supplanting the mainstream media and influencing more people than any political show in the US, the globalists have grown anxious and the pressure is on. Whether they killed him or he escaped, he won’t be back. And if he is, it won’t be him. It will be a puppet replacement controlled by globalists. This is the canary in the coalmine, the first attack that will usher in mass genocide that has been in the works for decades.”
The global elites dropped a few hints in mainstream reporting about the fate of Alex Jones, but otherwise totally blacked out reporting on his disappearance. Meanwhile, signs of oncoming cataclysmic world war and genocide on an unimaginable scale are mounting. Ebola outbreaks rage across Africa, airplanes of civilians are being shot down over Ukraine, and rockets are landing all over Israel leaving thousands dead each day. In America, tens of thousands of warrior children hired by Latin American drug cartels are being let across the borders by Obama, and in just a few years they will mature to finish off the culture war once and for all.
Some Alex Jones listeners held vigils and dared to hope that Jones slipped the noose and escaped to an unknown safe haven. At one vigil, Clay Henderson held his clenched fist in the air and sang lines from a Willie Nelson song which confesses and laments the globalist extermination plan that is finally unraveling, “Ring around the rosy, pocket full of posy. Ashes to ashes, we all fall down.”
There’s a new drug that will literally tear your life apart under a wave of euphoria. TerrorMax, by Lebal Drocer Pharmaceuticals, will put your eyes on the sky, and a fire in your belly; a hunger for liberty.
Our loyal and intelligent readers do not trust the government. You know there is such a thing as Absolute Truth, and Facts are Facts. TerrorMax keeps your spine pointed straight up, aligned to the North Star, a point of light astronomers have studied for centuries. The North Star is a trusted point of reference for everyone from Jesus to Napoleon. Patriots may trust Jesus. You trust no one.
This message is brought to you proudly by Lebal Drocer Pharmaceuticals. TerrorMax: Don’t Blink Twice. (It’s Alright)
Like LSD, TerrorMax permanently changes your DNA, heightening your lineage’s sensitivity to fear, promoting survival and enhancing the human experience of terror.
TerrorMax gives you the energy to stay awake through the night. It enhances night vision, allowing you to scan the horizon for threats of terror. TerrorMax builds awareness of your surroundings. Is that a laser gun-sight or a cell tower? On TerrorMax, you can focus on a point of light up to 14 miles away, with perfect clarity.
Every bottle of TerrorMax comes with a TerrorMax Steam key, enabling you to download the TerrorMax Terror Alert Center client for Mac and PC. The Terror Alert Center™ lets you rant hatefully into your webcam microphone about unseen enemies of the state who are jealous of your freedom. Be a Patriot. Spy on your neighbors. Report unAmerican activities to the White House straight from your PC!
Even medical experts don’t know how TerrorMax works.
“It just … works.”
-Dr. Angstrom H. Terrordour, M.D.
TerrorMax gives world leaders the courage to deploy troops and assassinate “innocent” (non-American) dissidents abroad.
“I’m Terry McAuliffe, and I prefer TerrorMax to AnataBloc. It helps me think and raises my awareness. We should look into [TerrorMax].” -Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe (D), Governor of Va.
TerrorMax is not a dietary supplement, and is not regulated by the FDA. TerrorMax has been associated with tremors, seizures, and sleeplessness. If you experience a terror lasting four years or more, do not stop taking TerrorMax. Stopping TerrorMax cold turkey is shown to lead to seizure or death. Instead, vote for a Democrat. If you already voted Democrat – and continue to experience incessant terror – wait four years, and vote Republican. Once you take TerrorMax, you can not stop. In rare cases, some TerrorMax users report difficulty urinating, and permanent disruption of their sleep cycle. If you are unable to urinate while using TerrorMax, consult your Catastrophic Healthcare Options to learn which Death Panel is right for you.
TerrOrganics – Life’s getting worse.™
Ascend to Super Saiyan Level 23 with Troubador Laboratory’s new line of gold infusing ascension products
Troubador Labs, LEBAL DROCER — Have you been feeling down about the all-encompassing conspiracy of the government to suppress the truth about 9/11, UFOs, and bigfoot? We haven’t. That’s because our new food supply investment plan allows you to stash your precious metals where they’re safest: Deep inside your body’s fat reserves. Troubador Labs invented a line of medicinal herbs and gold infused foods which will not only keep your investments in the safest place possible, your body, but also double the average life expectancy of long-term subscribers.
The government doesn’t want you to know about this groundbreaking product which threatens to put their entire hospital system out of business.
The New World Order is coming for your off-the-grid homestead, and when the extermination nukes rain down upon the heartland, you’ll need that gold.
Kony will only continue to drop bloated, purple ebola-infected children from his armada of private jets. The Gold coursing through your veins will ward off potential bioterror attacks as well as the constant weather modifying chemtrail dustings that make it hard just to look in the face of your sheeple neighbors.
Hackers will be unable to penetrate your golden aura, which scrambles and projects your randomized brain signals, effectively shielding you permanently with the world’s most powerful all-natural cryptography field.
Are you tired of advertisements filling up your head and wasting your time? Gold-based eyewash and gold inner-ear penetrating oils will sharpen your senses and block out unwanted input. Finally, you can be your own person and follow true libertarian ideas and exist in a world where New World Order Globalist propaganda cannot even reach your mind.
Worms and maggots may be eating your brain a little piece at a time, but a potent combination of gold and ozonated cyanoacrylate will cleanse your brain of all potential parasites when insufflated and used in combination with other Troubador Labs gold products.
The Golden Food diet supplement and precious metal investment plan means you’re backed by something real. But if you want to make sure you are storing as much gold in your body as possible, Lebal Drocer’s line of Gold vaporizers and Gold skin cream will put you over the top. Be a Golden Libertarian God. You are what you eat.
Now accepting Bitcoins, dogecoins, and for a limited time only, OsamaCoins. Gold will always be worth something, but computer will all be gone in a matter of months, people.
Intentional Exposure: Dr. Sheikh Umar Khan was murdered while fighting Western efforts to spread the deadly ebola virus through Sierra Leone.
Sierra Leone - Ebola is being used as a bio-weapon against dissidents in Western Africa who oppose Western influence, investigators report. New evidence even suggests many of the dead were connected to environmental movements in connection with an ongoing social revolution in the area.
“This is a disaster by design,” an investigator said, who asked to remain anonymous. “It’s really sad to see innocent victims dying for profit. But I should point out that we are used to it, because this is West Africa. Dr. Shiekh Umar Khan was targeted for assassination.”
“The police are watching me type this right now,” he said in an email. “There is literally nothing I can say to you they haven’t already read. By virtue of the fact I am not dead right now, the material has been vetted and approved for your consumption,” he stated. “Because we are safe to discuss NSA leaks, there are even scarier things happen that nobody is talking about. Khan’s assassins were clever to expose him to the very disease he was working to prevent. They arranged this ‘accident.'”
Chronicle staff is receiving up-to-the-minute investigative reports from inside Liberia that many victims of the “ebola virus” were organizing anti-corporate demonstrations. Radical community organizers against West African deforestation turned up dead after being exposed to the virus, although the source of the outbreak can not be identified. Two Americans exposed to the virus are being deported to the mainland so effects of the virus can be studied.
Our source warned that any person tangentially connected to anti-government and anti-corporate activity, conversations and rhetoric are subject to intentional ebola exposure by ‘unknown persons.’
Buy rare earth crystal-enhanced Lebal Drocer brand Coffee today and improve your health by improving our profits. Each membership to the Chronicle Coffee Club is good for a month’s supply of coffee, a “bowlpack” of 10x salvia divinorum (void where prohibited) and hardcore information about what’s really going on in this country. It keeps the lights on here at Chronicle headquarters as well as promoting truth and well-being.
“This isn’t a game.” – Raleigh T. Sakers
Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour, an investigator with the South African chapter of the World Health Organization, said the battle between the US and China to transform Africa into tomorrow’s sweatshop has turned the region into a proxy warzone, a diseased hellstate.
“The whole point of asymmetrical warfare is to defeat your enemy from within,” Troubadour said. “If asymmetrical warfare is going to be successful, then first you must compromise the country’s defenses against invasion.”
Troubadour said the government is targeting infrastructure, starting with hospital workers who could have prevented the disease from growing into a pandemic.
“They’re after hospitals, schools, our electric grid, our power supplies – our water supply,” Troubadour said. “They have to affect the degeneration from inside each African state. Khan’s death is just one example of many. Dead civilians create a backdrop of reality, giving you the sense that this is really happening.”
By 2060, computer models show Blacksburg larger than Roanoke. Staunton will likely surpass Roanoke’s size by 2070. The stagnation in Roanoke’s growth will leave it nestled right between the “Charlanta” drag and the triangular shaped urban sprawl over the midwest and the northeast. Roanoke’s verdant areas will be a yearly tourist hellscape.
Roanoke — The New Silicon Valley?
Nestled in the Blue Ridge is a defunct railroad boomtown where Philadelphia businessmen set up a factory to build steam locomotives. When no one used steam locomotives anymore, Roanoke kept on chugging, living out its servile company-town attitude, building steam trains longer than any other manufacturer in the US. Now Roanoke is best described as a suburban breedery for fresh white teens to be extruded into a college and sent to a real city.
In Wagon Wheel, Old Crow Medicine Show’s adaptation of a fragment of a song Bob Dylan only sang once in an afterparty bootleg tape, Roanoke is a sleepy place where truckers stop to toke up, “Walkin’ to the south out of Roanoke / I caught a trucker out of Philly, had a nice long toke.” And Roanoke is a good place for that, but millions of dollars in tax money have been squandered on the Sydney Opera House wannabe art museum and the Explore Park, a fake town from the past that is once more haunted by hyperreal ghosts, phantasmagoric projections endlessly demonstrating blacksmithing and threshing wheat for the tourists who never came. Of course decriminalizing marijuana could increase tourism and tax revenues in one easy move, but that’d bring in the wrong element. But why not? The kids are already hitchhiking into Roanoke just to toke up with truckers because of that top 40 pop hit.
Today, Roanoke serves as a distribution center for auto parts, but its future in this business is as bleak as the vaguely sick-looking healthcare towers appearing around Riverside Park. Like so many other sickly cities, urban life has concentrated itself in a gussied-up market square where local news stations let anonymous business owners wring their nervous hands around the necks of the homeless who wreck the Disneyland vibe.
But Roanoke could revive its urban center in a meaningful way, maybe through promoting internet infrastructure that would bring fiber optics not only to businesses, but to homes. In Chattanooga, this was done as a municipal project, which is important because data is not simply a service, but it is also a valuable commodity. By holding the keys to all of Roanoke’s fiber optic data, a municipal system could sell this valuable data on the market and potentially lessen the cost of maintenance or even turn a profit. Proactive steps to ensure the privacy and civil rights of the citizenry in the implementation of such a system could potentially set this municipal internet apart from anywhere in the world, making the transaction of business safer and more desirable in Roanoke while bringing in all kinds of jobs just to lay the fiber and keep the lights flashing. Internet that’s quick, reliable, and secure should be thought of as essential infrastructure for the health and growth of a city, and if one plumbs the history of the earliest days of Roanoke things like streets, sewers, prisons, police, and firefighters were “left to the free market” (totally ignored) with disastrous and sickly results. This foresight in the construction of infrastructure would be a strong break from tradition in a city that embodies the corporate mentality and looks at any expenditure of tax money as a burden on business (while they line each others’ pockets with ludicrous projects; there were gas-powered street lights before there were streets).
Norfolk and Western used Roanoke as a site for their factory because they were given ten years without taxes by the local tobacco farmers. It wasn’t an ideal spot for habitation considering the salt-encrusted swamp, the “Big Lick.” There were no workers hanging around to man the factories — they came in on the rails for the jobs. In some ways it was a disgusting exploitation and the laughingstock of the state, but in others it was a brave experiment and unlike anywhere else. Jobs and a city were created, but it was for a single purpose: steam trains, metaphor of obsolescence. Can Roanoke find a new purpose?
Art Jihad, underground Brooklyn hipster Islamists, takes credit for raising the white flag over Brooklyn Bridge
INTERNET — A Hipster Islamist “art terror” cell in Brooklyn took credit on Wednesday for raising bleached American flags over the Brooklyn Bridge. Art Jihad issued a statement saying, “The Caliphate [ISIS] is the only government with the sanction of Allah, and next time we won’t raise white flags — we’ll plant bombs.” Analysts say that the white flag is a direct reference to the black flag of ISIS, and to believers the terroristic art represents the inevitable victory of Sharia law over all of the world.
Most assumed the beards worn by Brooklyn Hipsters were only a fashion statement, but new evidence shows that there are in fact tens of thousands of converted Muslims among Brooklyn’s trendsetting youth. However, these hip young converts to Islam don’t ever talk about their religion publicly and only assemble for secret prayer under the cover of darkness.
Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, expert on Islamist terror, told reporters, “These hipster terror cells have been working away at Brooklyn for years, using hip magazines to build up a lot of sympathy for Muslims who have been depicted as unfair victims of American imperialist policy. Basically every man with a beard is a part of it, and they prefer the Islamic drug of choice, hashish, over alcohol, or the blood of Christ. At a glance, it is impossible to tell the difference between those who just think beards are cool and those who have been seduced by the black flag of ISIS, but if you see them at one of these nightly prayer gatherings or at a celebration on 9/11, then you know for sure you’ve got a Hipster terrorist on your hands. I think that almost all hipsters in Brooklyn are sympathetic to the terrorist cause.”