The Internet, USA - The Encyclopedia Dramatica folks dun goofed, and are going to get sued and possibly arrested.
ED.ch had to be deactivated and blocked due to a court order extending down from the criminal prosecutor of Canton of St. Gallen, AKA you gon’ get raped. When a court order is put out for something to be stopped, you can safely bet there are a lot of helmeted fucks with batons and assault rifles coming after that lulz.
Hi. Next time we have a “CP” or “borderline” thread, I’m going to ban everyone who replies to it.
We have one rule, no CP. How fucking hard is that? I would prefer to not go to jail so keep that shit off our fucking forums.
Have a day.
Garrett, Feb 13, 2012
Pedophilia is why they were taken down. That is why they are being investigated.
At roughly the same time, they changed the .CH contact details to Ryan Cleary‘s mom, Rita, just to get their names out of the public, which is retarded because that just puts the fire back on their dumb asses double-time.
[Editor's note: Altering evidence after the fact is a whole separate crime.]
In related news
Meepsheep is fucking his life up and is probably about to be arrested for producing child pornography and interstate harassment.
Meepsheep (pictured) is sheared by Lebal Drocer Lab technicians
An unnamed source confirmed Meepsheep recently sent a bunch of people to [a website] to gather, collect and trade child pornography.
Chronicle.su came to suspect his engagement in illegal activity after he failed to respond to a comment specifically tailored to call attention to the projection of certain clandestine operations we know took place behind the scenes at Encyclopedia Dramatica.
“I was talking about a website with some people who already knew about Derek Anderson,” explained a third source. “He said Anderson had been sending people to [the website], telling people they could trade child porn there.”
He later added, “‘Meepsheep?’ What kind of gay shit is that?”
JUBA, SOUTH SUDAN – My interpreter says that a manager he spoke to in our hotel told him that today Juba is especially hot. There are no gated communities in this, the urban sprawl of the capital of world’s newest country, the Republic of South Sudan, and thus no suburbs.
My interpreter and I have arranged a meeting with Joseph Kony, leader of the Lord’s Resistance Army, by claiming that we are members of The Family, saying by phone that we were interested in wiping out what we told Mr. Kony was the “scourge” of Ugandan homosexuality, which, we said, Europeans homosexuals were bent on promulgating throughout Uganda’s Acholi people.
Meeting us in a common area, I say, “Here,” handing Mr. Kony, 50, a DLSR camera with video capability. “Here’s the Russell meltdown video queued up. I appreciate your keeping up your end of the bargain. Here is my end.”
Mr. Kony takes the camera and looks into the screen on its back. Two of his subordinates, perhaps in their early 20s, lean over the video eagerly as Mr. Russell, the leader of U.S.-based civil-political group, the Army for Peace, strips off his clothing just outside of San Diego’s Seaworld. He applauds his smartphone, whose voice interpretation software he grandiosely addresses. As Russell curses the devil and onlookers, the wizened face of the old theocrat twists his mustache up into a huge grin. Having indicated approval, the other two men notice, letting out gleeful sighs, laughing, too.
As they all laugh, Mr. Kony high-fives both of them. My interpreter, who would have to remain anonymous, would paraphrase the old militia leader. Mr. Kony says to the others happily, “See? This is just like I said from what we heard on the BBC World Service. Clearly the devil infected this man and made him a homosexual because he stood up against the Lord’s glorious army.”
“Why do you think that Joseph Russell entered what he calls ‘reactive psychosis’ like that, Mr. Kony?” I ask.
“Because,” he replies, “six out of the eight spirits who continue to talk to me tell me that God will make those who oppose me crazy; and if not completely insane, fascinated with breeding in order to dispel otherwise intuitive accusations of homosexualness.
“Do you see how he smacks the sidewalk?” he says, laughing, moving the camera between us, pointing at the the tabloid video.
I am consciously aware that normally this might have made me laugh yet I have no interest in laughing. I gulp. “I was meaning to ask you about that, sir. You were, after all, a freedom fighter against the tyrannical Musevni, who utilizes child soldiers himself.”
“Exactly. Exactly. And how people are unaware of Musevni’s own use of soldiers, in the Army that Invisible Children wants you to give money to, it’s just so typical of these –
He shifts to his right and speaks to the younger man. His subordinate utters a single English reply.
Mr. Kony quickly looks back at me and says, “Hipsters.
“And I have a solution. Two American angels, with whom I am in communion” – he says, reaching into his bag for two 8×11 inkjet prints of Bono and George Clooney – “are communicating to me about their new hope for instituting the 10 Commandments as the ruler of all lands.”
Noticing that he does not want me to say the names of these “angels” aloud, I ask, “With such a major arrest warrant after you, how long do you think you can evade capture here in Sudan?”
“I am really glad to be in South Sudan,” he says. “What, with both Oklahoman senators interested in talking to groups like Invisible Children that want to find me in Uganda, there’s no more interest in coming here to find me. We think this may be a push to the Victoria oil.”
“Do you think that the creator of the film was inciting war?” I ask.
Kony Decries "Slactivism"
“Oh, yes, absolutely. I understand through the radio that some of your radio hosts in your country are saying that I’m going to be like the new Che Guevara in reputation. As for this group saying I’m mentally disturbed, now, that’s just crazy. And it’s just disingenious to claim that I don’t have an ideology.”
He makes an allusion to the Downfall Internet meme depicting Adolf Hitler with generals, adding, “I quite obviously lack the historical significance of Adolf Hitler.” He looks over to one of his companions.
Without looking back at his commander, one of the two subordinates said, “Osama bin Laden never understood violence as viscerally as I have had to. His was a very rich man who could have lived as a – as a lazy person his whole life, had he wished.”
Mr. Kony moves to hand the camera back to me.
“Oh no,” I say, “please, please don’t kill us.”
All three immediately look away from me and back to the screen, as Mr. Kony nods, not threateningly, but slowly, almost understandingly.
Sunday, Julian Assange revealed WikiLeaks and Anonymous have teamed up to publish the contents of a massive Stratfor hack members of Anonymous allegedly carried out on Christmas eve. Immediately after Assange’s press release was published, a hoax e-mail in which George Friedman drafted his resignation went viral. Barrett Brown has since claimed responsibility for this hoax and has made yet another empty promise to step down as spokesperson for Anonymous.
Unlike previous WikiLeaks releases, this story has only spread among hardcore fans of Occuponymous and WikiLeaks. The banal information gleaned from the 5 million e-mails included such shocking behavior as for-profit stock trading and at least a single instance of a bigotry. However, the social media echo chamber that is Occuponymous and WikiLeaks has never been more outraged, catalyzed, and radicalized than ever before. Anonymous was fully prepared to take advantage of this situation, and launched the so-called Operation V, which proposes a violent overthrow of the US government.
Although the public really couldn’t care less about Stratfor, Occuponymous hasn’t yet reverted to accusing the media of a purposeful blackout on the topic.
NEW YORK CITY-Police were alerted to a string of random macing incidents in Brooklyn early on Friday morning. Field interrogation of a suspect led police into what appeared to one officer as, “an insane hotbed of violence and hate like I have never seen. The entire place stunk so heavily of pepper-spray that we couldn’t enter without masks.”
“Mace Parties” are a new phenomenon, which have apparently spun off from the Occupy movement. Facing declining interest in the daily Occupy LiveStream Police Confrontation®, protesters armed themselves with pepper spray and secretly took up residence in several abandoned buildings mostly in Brooklyn. Analysts suggest that at this stage, a variety of factors could have triggered the Mace Party, but no one is sure. One theory put forward is that the parties began as in-fighting between Black Bloc Anarchists and the much hated minority known derisively as the “Peace Police.” After the protesters realized that this kind of a confrontation was really actually all they craved, they very quickly became addicted to the rush of pepper spray.
Police were, in fact, lured into the party just to provide more intoxicants. Having spent weeks addicted to pepper spray, the former protest movement was abuzz at the prospect of just one drop of that sweet and rare delicacy, tear gas. As each canister was fired into the forsaken building, the non-lethal pain fiends fell to their knees and inhaled so deeply that some died instantly. Others charged the shield wall of the riot police and were beaten back with night-sticks, only to fly at the phalanx again and again, until the entire floor was a heap of mangled and twitching half-corpses in a shallow pool of blood emanating from the police.
The silver lining, as always, is enjoyed only by the pepper-spray lobby. Mace Parties have created an entirely new demographic for their industry, and black light pepper spray is now the world’s best selling non-lethal party favor.
Preliminary research on social networking sites shows so-called “mace parties” are being held in abandoned buildings at a greatly increasing rate, as the average age of attendees plummets. The Department of Homeland Security suggested parents should be on extremely high alert for children who are caught purposefully building up immunity to non-lethal weapons, even going so far as to suggest parents should turn their children in to local law enforcement in order to preserve National Security. If you own an abandoned building, check it for empty pepper-spray cans. Don’t be an enabler! Pepper Spray is a gateway to more harsh forms of non-lethal force. Nip this problem in the bud.
Mikhail Margelov may or may not have Downs Syndrome.
Moscow–“Syria is political chess, not American football,” said Mikhail Margelov, Presidential envoy to Africa, and Russian Premiere to Libya, implying Sunday America has no role in the country, so they should get out.
Margelov spoke on conditions of Anonymity during talks with Soviet journal RT. Over the course of their discussion, he indicated democratic efforts in Libya have failed.
Margelov said, “Some people happy to openly drink moonshine and others unhappy about that because they’re in favor of Sharia laws all over the country.”
“Some people are thinking about purity and Islamic identity,” Margelov boasted. “Some talk about necessity of establishing Sharia law all over the country, Islamic world, all over the Arab world.” At this, Margelov’s eyes flashed, then rolled back into his head as he foamed at the mouth.
“Chances of New Libyan Government and judicial system sharing values of human rights and democracy expected to be minimal,” Margelov explained through gritted teeth.
Russian oil companies have already started operations in Libya
Russian railroads “ready to get back.”
New Libyan Government welcomes Russian companies! Margelov: “So why not?”
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The sensational news article, found on this eyesore of a website, about halfway down said Aafia Siddiqui suggested that “maybe Israel had something to do with it.” It, meaning the World Trade Center attacks on September 11, 2001.
Aafia Siddiqui is a Pakistani neuroscientist who studied at MIT. Later she allegedly decided she might like to engage in sexy terrorism. The article says it all, in just a few words, including words like “She then fired the rifle at various individuals.”
4chan raised the question once, causing it later to be dismissed as the lulz. But Aafia Siddiqui raised it back: Did Jews cause 9/11?
Do not be taken in so quickly. If the Jews did 9/11 then why are we slaughtering brown people? Is it to keep down heating costs like the liberal media would have us believe? Exactly.
I don’t think there’ll ever be a time in my life when I don’t fear the unending wrath of Muslim rage possibly winding up in my children’s schools. No sir, my children will learn that the Jew is our friend. Yea, we’d all be speaking German right now if the Jews hadn’t dragged us into World War II and that Indians shared maize with the pilgrims, who later corrected their population for using the wrong word to identify corn.
Reports from within the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea claim that Kim Jong Il successfully cloned himself sometime in the 80′s using a crude, but effective technique widely available at the time. Kim Jong Un was the only survivor after thousands of failed attempts.
Kim Jong Un is virtually indistinguishable from depictions of Kim Jong Il at the same age, except that he is slightly more overweight. This is, of course, a product of North Korea’s economic successes and in no way a genetic factor.
As reports of the cloning spread throughout North Korea, citizens are wildly celebrating a future of endless military and economic victories thanks to the survival of their now immortal leader.
Western powers fear the nuclear-armed Kim Jong-Un, successor to the great empire of Korea. Unification of Korea will follow shortly, as the world applauds the greatness of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea.
Uglyman Ryan Cleary exits the courtroom where lulz took place
Every tech nerd, geek and new owner of adult novelties are glued the their news feeds, all asking the same thing:
Will Topiary, hailing from the island of Yell, be a hot hipster or a nasty, ugly nerd like Ryan? Most likely, he will fall somewhere in between, and is likely a eunuch.
But we’re smarter than regular people, and we’re asking a different question. Ideas pour in from Lebal Drocer headquarters about how we can capitalize on the debacle as investigators close in on LulzSec leadership, reaching for the upper hierarchy, which @Alec_Empire reportedly hates.
Hands were wringing at the Chronicle office, painkillers swallowed, when cub reporter Nick Maccombs of the Chronicle.SU had an epiphany (acid trip) for profit. During a meeting with executives Maccombs released the deathgrip on penis and blurted out, without permission, “OMG GUYS LETS START MERCHANDISING TOPIARY PRODUCTS $$ Im having visions of bansai trees with monocles and tophats! well be fucking rich! Nigger-rich.”
Dolla dolla billz, y’all.
Lebal Drocer is allegated to have begun mass-production of Topiary merchandise including t-shirts, coffee mugs, posters, commerative chia pets and flatbrimmed caps. All proceeds will go into Lebal Drocer’s latest effort to offer smartphone apps to political prisoners which would allow them to continue the shared Twitter feeds of LulzSec hierarchy.
Lebal Drocer executives discuss the best approach to exploit Topiary's indictment while celebrating "Bring-Your-Wives-to-Work" Day.
“We hope this will keep the general populus dumb and sheep-like,” intimated Lebal Drocer spokesperson and transcendental man Raleigh Theodore Sakers.
Media Mogul is reported as saying, “[Topiary] deserves to rot in jail. He once crashed a defunct old piratenpad we weren’t using but it pissed me off on principle. The Second Amendment, God and country.”
In the end, friends thought Topiary’s addiction to online chess would be his downfall, but that was before he was outed by Ryan, lol. We get to see Topiary’s face tomorrow. It is absolutely imperative that Chronicle.SU covers the proceedings.
“$10 he is thin, pale and walks with a limp.” -Sabu
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