Russia Today slammed with DDoS attack

Russia Today has been hacked, leading some to believe Soviet influence may once again be on the rise.

Russia Today has been hacked, leading some to believe Soviet influence may once again be on the rise.

MOSCOW — Russia Today, the state-owned media outlet that recently aired a television program hosted by Julian Assange, was driven offline Monday morning by an unprecedented cyberassault.

Not much is known about the attack, but several theories have been put forward by experts in the field, and some anti-WikiLeaks hackers have taken credit without providing credible proof.

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, professor of history at Cambridge and expert on geopolitics, said that large-scale cyberattacks like these are generally outside of the scope of individual actors.

“There is little doubt in my mind that a sophisticated organization was involved in this attack,” he said via email.

Dr. Troubador refused to speculate on possible suspect organizations, but commenters on social media were abuzz with rumor.

A recent article put out by the Associated Press and widely syndicated by thousands of publications, including Russia Today, brought huge publicity to organized crime taking place on the antiquated Soviet Union domain name extension. Cybercriminals in Russia and Eastern Europe have long been known for their sophistication and integration with traditional organized crime in the region, and many have ties with former Soviet organizations, which are at odds with Russia Today.

Meanwhile, Russia Today has brought publicity to civil disturbances in Turkey, leading many to believe the attack was carried out by militant Islamist groups who have quickly integrated cyberattacks into their arsenal of terror and want to heighten the drama of what they believe is part of the Islamic Revolution. Yet others believe the Turkish government itself has deployed this cyberattack in order to dispel the riots plaguing their cities.

Because of the huge attention given to WikiLeaks, the Occupy movement, and Anonymous by Russia Today, still others believe some operative from the United States Government may have deployed this devastating attack. It was recently revealed that almost all of America’s cyberwar capabilities are controlled by private contractors who often act far outside of the boundaries of law.

Current events protester has no idea what he’s protesting

small_whitney houston pills“Do you know what’s going on in our country?” asked 20-year-old fagatronic nimrod Dale Shelton of Roanoke, Va.

Shelton said he is fed up with the direction American politics are heading. He said the decisions being made at the top affect everyone, including children.

“They’re raping our rights,” Shelton said, “like we raped the lands of the Native American Indian Redskin Savages.”

Shelton was later discovered to be a rapist with no actual opinions about anything.

Get it together, Shelton.

Watertown heralds Police State invasion

Eagerly jacked into the story developments on corporate-controlled television media, twitter, facebook, and in this case real life, Redditors eat junk food and excitedly watch police storm through their house.

Redditors enjoy a front-page appearance and are aroused as agents storm through their house.

BOSTON — 9/11 fans rejoiced Thursday after Boston Bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev was arrested by thousands of paramilitary police units which stormed through nearly 10,000 houses in Watertown, systematically invading every home in the area.

Citizens lauded the merciless efficiency and overwhelming numbers of police who found Tsarnaev critically injured and hiding in a boat.

Eagerly jacked into the story developments on corporate-controlled television media, Twitter, Facebook, and in many cases in real life, Redditors ate junk food and excitedly watched police storm through their houses.

A collective sigh of relief echoed through the Twittersphere when the police announced, “CAPTURED!!! The hunt is over. The search is done. The terror is over. And justice has won. Suspect in custody.” Exuberant families ran into the streets chanting, “U.S.A., U.S.A., U.S.A.!”

Police photographers captured the barbarian’s arrest and tweeted it to their quivering, orgasmic fans in real time.

Glorious Stormtroopers accost fiendish Muslim enemy.

Glorious Stormtroopers accost fiendish Muslim enemy.

"Can't tell if Fox News or Facebook."

“Can’t tell if Fox News or Facebook.”

Tom Ryan Spearheads Cyberwar on the DPRK

cocks

Under Armor Spokesman, @th3j35t3r Attacks North Korea

Under the moniker @th3j35t3r, a little-known Twitter account, Tom Ryan of Provide Security is currently gearing up for cyber war with North Korea, Anonymous in tow.

After a series of test runs against mom-and-pop DPRK websites, we see Tom Ryan, aka John Tiessen, as possessing the ability to completely cripple the entire infrastructure of North Korea’s Internets. While working with OWASP on Web app exploitation, in the mid ’90′s Ryan developed — with the help of a DARPA contract and Adrian Lamo –  a tool known only as XerXes, which sends “packets” to a given “serve,”, causing it to go offline temporarily. Some say it was also developed to really annoy Ron Brynaert.

This method, while not new, is very new and effective. The source code of XerXes has been hidden from the world for over two decades and far surpasses everything from WinNuke to LOIC/HOIC.

So is this a military operation? Is this what the NSA has been planning for years, General Keith Alexander at the helm? Or is this just a completely superfluous news article about something so utterly boring no one is reading?

We asked #hatesec’s Chairman of the Board Kevin Eubanks for comment, but all we got were some fucking lame jazz fusion licks instead.

Glenn Beck murders pet dog Victor

DALLAS — Teary-eyed and sobbing like a little girl, Glenn Beck announced that he would personally put his dog down on Sunday. “He is teaching me a very important lesson in dignity,” Beck said, as he shared his shameful emotions with the entire world. “He’s a Mason dog,” added Beck. “Victor’s lessons are ingrained in us forever. Protection, devotion, dignity.” Beck’s technicians were heard giggling in the background.

Beck has spoken of Victor’s blindness in past shows, but reportedly shared many knowing looks with the dog before putting it to death. “Before I owned a gun, I was getting death threats,” Beck said, underlining his continued capability to protect himself from the post-911 anti-American menace.

Glenn Beck learned how to work people’s emotions on the cold streets as a homeless alcoholic beggar, and smoked weed every day for 16 years. After nearly killing himself to the music of Nirvana, Beck joined Alcoholics Anonymous, which became the source for many of his best conspiracy theories.

Did Vic Livingston Sacrifice Frank Mason to Illuminati to Become Journalist?

Vic LivingstonMORRISVILLE, PA. — New analysis from The Internet Chronicle suggests that the 2012 murder of its editor-in-chief may have been a work of Pennsylvania journalist Vic Livingston. Livingston’s explosive reporting, fueled by an unreal Rolodex of establishment who’s-whos, has yielded exposé after exposé so groundbreaking that many believe there is no other possible conclusion than he has had to cannibalize one of his own to take a place amongst the inner fold. In October Livingston issued an astonishing report uncovering the “brain-fogging” of President Obama during the first presidential debate.

Rumors once again swirled around Mason’s Virginia death after local Illuminati human sacrifice activity was revealed this month by the Richmond Times-Dispatch. The secret society’s ruthless initiation rituals were let out of the bag when would-be victim Thomas Johnson accidentally survived rapper Wafeeq Sabir El-Amin’s sacrifice attempt.

“You are my sacrifice,” Johnson quoted El-Amin as saying before he allegedly fired a shot toward his friend’s head inside a Henrico home that was to become a music studio.

[...]

The victim awoke from a drowsy sleep to see El-Amin pointing a gun at his head and saying he needed to be sacrificed, according to the search warrant.

[...]

The bullet ricocheted off the victim’s hand sending bone and skin fragments into his eye, according to the warrant, but the victim was able to get hold of the gun and shoot El-Amin in the stomach before he ran off.

[...]

[A] sacrifice had to occur in order to join the Illuminati that allegedly incited El-Amin, Johnson said. Investigators recovered from the Athens Avenue home, according to the search warrant . . . literature dealing with the Illuminati and its . . . connection to the music industry.

And as any working journalist can tell you, the reporting game is no less competitive than the rap game.

Angstrom Troubadour, parasociologist at University of California-Berkley, tells the Chronicle that human sacrifice is a routine demand for those hoping to cross the blood-drenched line into the world of “journalism.”  Unlike the widely celebrated role of the journalist, that of the blogger is thankless. Substantiating credential means approval of the powers-that-be — at the cost of one’s soul.

“Grassroots researchers, speculating on rapidly deleted Democratic Underground forum threads,” said Troubadour by phone, “have long sought to pinpoint the specific human sacrifices that empowered the media elite. Just how did Matt Yglesias execute Gary Webb to convince Atlantic editors he was for real? MSNBC viewers have long suspected Luke Russert executed his own father to assure a place in the sun.”

But when Professor Troubadour first laid out the latter question in a lecture to the Columbia School of Journalism last fall, many graduate students and faculty expressed skepticism. The late “Meet the Press” host, Tim Russert, they insisted, might have permitted an assisted suicide to ensure his son any prospects whatsoever.

The winter 2012 “panic attacks” that claimed Mason came soon after the editor attracted the ire of Bilderberg attendees and the Club of Rome. In mid-2011, for example, he reported on the signing of the cloak-and-dagger National Defense Authorization Act, which permits the indefinite detention of American citizens.

UPDATE 1:33 a.m. EDT — Hat tip to a Twitter follower who direct-messaged me this amazing Breitbart report from Thursday. Breitbart blogger Ben Shapiro has uncovered that the aforementioned Slate economics reporter, Matt Yglesias, has just purchased a $1.2 million condominium — an impossible task on a writer’s meager salary.

MattYglesias

Foreground: Slate Economics Reporter Matt Yglesias atop New, Inexplicably Acquired Personal Ivory Tower; Background: Pyramid Skylights Unmistakably Illuminati Trappings (Photo: Breitbart)

What else to make of reports . . . Matthew Yglesias . . . owns a three-bedroom, three-bath home on Q Street in Logan Circle that clocks in at that hefty sum?

[...]

How much is Yglesias being paid to write for Slate?

One point is, Mr. Shapiro, we can really never know. But the better question is: What else is he being paid to do? Or whom?

Adria Richards Not Actually at PyCon; Assumed Psy-Op

Adria Richards Enjoys weev’s Sex Swing

Chronicle.su field correspondents spotted PyCon drama queen and feminist partying down with hackers and felons alike at a loft in Newark, New Jersey Sunday night, when supposedly at PyCon.

Richards, supposedly took out her feminist ire out on a poor python programming man at PyCon last weekend, getting him fired in the process. He had 3 kids, one is now dead.

She has been the subject of extreme scrutiny since the child’s death and some speculate she may have possibly been committed via 5150 to a mental institution. However, after field reports spotted her at Newark, New Jersey doing pot and swinging from swings, little to no truth is known to be truer than the truth itself, which can only be the truth.

A wave of paranoia swept through the Anonymous consortium late Monday night when #TeamSabu was introduced by Aaron Bale who claims is a group of Sabu sympathizers and synthesizers, led by the OWS and Wikileaks activist shm00p of UGNazi and Rustle League fame, who is actually Sabu himself.

#TeamSabu is lead not only by shm00p, but has close ties to Adria Richards, who sold exploit code to Matthew Keys in an effort to gain the good graces of LulzSec so she could eventually land a job at the DailyDot. Little did she know that among a group of thugs, hackers and drunks, people would be snapping photos.

So who was at PyCon and why the drama surrounding Adria Richards? Simply to distract us from #OpBlackout and Aaron Bales efforts to thwart Jen Emick with Ron Brynaert in tow.

No one knows for certain, but after reading some threads on abovetopsecret.com, we believe this is Illuminati related, considering Luke Rudkowski was at weev’s sentencing.

President Obama assassinated by Tea Party House members

The nation mourns the President's death.

The nation mourns the President’s death.

WASHINGTON — Friday, President Obama returned from a visit to Israel in which he made threats to cut Israeli defense subsidies if Shimon Perez did not make concessions to Palestine. Upon returning to Washington, 23 Republican House members with Tea Party affiliation surrounded the President and fatally wounded him using boxcutters and improvised shivs.

Joe Biden was sworn into office as the assassins were placed into federal custody. All public services have shut down in Washington, and many schools have closed around the nation in mourning.

Sources close to the conspirators claim the House members believed Obama was the Anti-Christ and would soon declare himself Dictator in perpetuity.

Is Barack Hussein Obama Gay?

FABULOUS

FABULOUS

WASHINGTON — Wednesday, secret documents unearthed from Andrew Breitbart’s trove of files on President Barack Hussein Obama detailed a long-term homosexual relationship between the president and one of his barely legal congressional pages.

Among the meticulously vetted documents, the president was caught writing, “I’m so sick of having sex with Michelle, and I’ve started telling her [my lack of interest in sex is] because I’m plagued by the fear of another large magazine clip killing a school full of children. She has no idea this gun control thing is just all about implementing the big FEMA plan to wipe out Breeders and Christians.”

The White House has condemned these documents as mere forgeries along the lines of “birther” claims, continuing their policy of answering to any conspiracy theory that might threaten their hegemony.

In another email, the president said, “When a Muslim becomes a senator, he’s allowed to be gay with as many young men as he wants. That kind of power comes with the turf, bismillah.”

Outraged Tea Party delegates have called on Oathkeepers, a group of hardline “sovereign citizens” from the military and police force, to defend the Constitution against the Gay Muslim onslaught, which has culminated in the election of Barack Hussein Obama, the Manchurian Candidate summoned from Hell by 10,000 demons and the sure sign of the impending apocalypse.

Artificial Familiarity

You're starving, alone, and scandalously dressed like a Communist superhero, but do you eat off the tree of hegemony and find yourself trapped by its tendril-branches?

You’re starving, alone, and scandalously dressed like a Communist superhero, but do you eat off the tree of hegemony and find yourself trapped by its tendril-branches?

Familiarity is a result of sedimented experience which, when functioning properly, allows us to move through life almost without conscious thought. It’s easy to pay complete attention to audiobooks while using dangerous woodworking tools when one is familiar with the shop and all the various material manipulations that take place there. This kind of situation, where the body performs in a familiar sphere, seems to lend more power to conscious thought and amplify concentration. Other familiarity-building routines for the body like yoga, martial arts, tantric sex, and sports are often purported to have this same effect. It should be no surprise, really, that kinetic engagement with the world should stimulate all parts of the body, including the brain.

In complement of kinetic familiarity there is artificial familiarity. You may have read other works by me or, in fact, read this same piece repeatedly. I do change, but with enough sedimented experiences of this change, reading something new I’ve written would still be a familiar experience. This is not a bad thing, but I can’t gesture, smile, or involve my body in this exchange. Granted, we are both performing familiar kinetic routines when I type and you click around with your mouse, but these are secondary nuisances to be done away with as quickly as possible, or so it would seem. I do not use a pen or a printing press, and you do not read paper because these impede artificial familiarity. On the surface, this is fantastic because I could never afford to print as many copies as this site distributes digitally. However, something very pernicious is going on, worthy of all the scare packed up in the word ‘artificial’. At the same time as the divorce of the familiar from the body deepens, artificial familiarity becomes more and more superficially like kinetic familiarity. Photographs become colored, move, then become three-dimensional, and bodily sensations which seem entirely kinetic are produced just by watching 3d blockbusters like Avatar. The impetus for this amplified artificial familiarity could be found in civilization’s lack of intimate naturalistic kinetic familiarity, or perhaps it has got something to do with the dualistic religious fetish for that immortal spirit outside of the body. We have, after all, told stories for as long as we’ve had words.

Augmented Reality, referring to future devices along the lines of automated navigation systems, is perhaps an overly optimistic phrase. Rather than augmenting and adding to the richness of life, as the woodworker listens to audiobooks while at work, Augmented Reality seems aimed at replacing as much kinetic familiarity with artificial familiarity as is technologically possible. Indeed, artificial familiarity may go much further than that, at which point it becomes true Artificial Familiarity or AF–which is how I would characterize Augmented Reality. It’s not hard at all to imagine that a sufficiently advanced AF device could completely replace the human capacity to become familiar with the world, which sounds like a horrifying proposition, but the human tendency is actually to dislike and fear the unfamiliar, so a device that would completely eliminate the unfamiliar would sell quicker than the iPhone. In short, kinetic familiarity’s being usurped by artificial familiarity, and AF systems are working on taking that over for you next. Things may very soon be much worse than Baudrillard, Heidegger, or Marx probably ever imagined. Move over, Constituting Yourself, hegemony’s got you all figured out and you don’t know how much you’d love to finally know what it is you love.