Sakawa Juju that will make you WEALTHY!

sakawadog 300x221 Sakawa Juju that will make you WEALTHY!

Sakawa relies on Juju priests who often cast curses and charge terrible prices for their blessing.

Have your earnings from Sakawa gone dry? Has your Juju shaman failed once again? Are you tired of blood sacrifice, risky rituals, and constantly jumping between Juju priests? Don’t be turned into a dog or found dead from AIDs because of bad Juju! Seek the help of Lord Inglip, greatest digital shaman who presides over the entire Internet and can ensure your Sakawa will bring only the greatest of rewards.

You might be thinking, “Why trust the Internet to Juju? Is this magic real?” This is an understandable objection, but let’s face it: Sakawa mostly takes place on the Internet. While appeasing the gods of the physical world will help with Sakawa success, these gods are inexperienced with bringing blessing to the Internet, which is an entirely new realm. Only Inglip was born inside the Internet, and only a sacred few prophets and holy men know how to appease his hunger. When Inglip is hungry, all the Sakawa in the world will not bring you money–he eats all your profits!

Luckily, you’ve found the secret that has brought so many Sakawa practitioners the greatest wealth imaginable. The holy men who make sacrifice to Inglip will help you gain riches for a very small price, and send you a token proving the ritual’s success–as well as instructing you on how to best please and appease Lord Inglip, keeping your Sakawa profits skyrocketing.

The best part of making sacrifice to Lord Inglip is the minimal risk involved. No one has ever been diseased or harmed from crossing Inglip; however, at his most wrathful Inglip has been known to destroy computers. Because Inglip only lives inside the Internet, he is only capable of harming computers and not people. However, our priests know Inglip fairly well and can inform you of most activities that will anger him, and your computer should not be at risk.

You can contact Inglip’s high priest by email at kilgoar@chronicle.su or on Twitter @kilgoar. We understand that your Sakawa has not been paying well lately, so we only ask a very small price to cover the expenses in making the sacrifice to Inglip. Advice on keeping Inglip pleased will be provided free of charge, making repeated sacrifices to Inglip less necessary.

 

“Trick” evicted, fined, and summoned to court

emptyroom 300x200 Trick evicted, fined, and summoned to court

Cambria Suites at 2pm on March 2nd, “Trick” did not show up to defend himself from the haters.

ROANOKE, VA–Saturday, Chronicle.SU reporters were at Cambria Suites for Patrick “Trick” Shouse’s press conference, but “Trick” was nowhere to be seen. “Trick” was to address haters and explain himself after his “Tattoo Marathon” Facebook event upset local Tattoo enthusiasts. After inquiring with the front desk, we learned no such event had been scheduled.

Since Thursday, when news broke “Trick” was hosting a “Tattoo Party” in his hotel room, tattoo fans across America and Canada have commented on Shouse’s poor work and the unsanitary conditions of his apartment. Addison Shouse, Patrick’s identical twin, has been acting as spokesperson and posting threats of violence to Facebook in a vain attempt to put an end to criticism of “Trick.” However, Trolling analyst Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador said this was just like throwing gasoline onto a fire, “Talking shit on Facebook proves you can’t back your shit up, so it really just excites the trolls.”

unhinged Trick evicted, fined, and summoned to court

Addison Shouse has become totally unhinged, threatening violence at anything that moves.

addison 300x236 Trick evicted, fined, and summoned to court

Patrick “Trick” Shouse’s identical twin posts alleged fines, eviction, and warrants.

Addison posted an image of several documents taped to the front door of his apartment, allegedly representing an eviction, a fine from the health department, other code violations, and a summons to court. While it is not clear whether these are legitimate documents or not, one commenter who claims he reported the incidents to the Shouses’ landlord said the eviction was already pending due to non-payment.

It remains unclear what will happen next, but the Shouse brothers seem upbeat and ready to “bone it to LA” so they can start their lives over in peace. At one point, Addison Shouse attempted to play the Tattoo Marathon off as a joke, but in the very same thread Trick’s Baby’s Momma made it clear that this had indeed become a very unfunny custody issue. Addison’s girlfriend has been publicly supportive, but after facing criticism aimed at her motherhood, she has since changed her sexy facebook avatar over to a more conservative and motherly portrayal of her cradling her sweet baby. She also quoted many bible verses, despite claiming to not be a Christian.

Patrick “Trick” Shouse hosts “$20 Tattoo Party”

ROANOKE, VA–Patrick “Trick” Shouse, the newest tattoo artist in Roanoke, is hosting a “Tattoo Marathon” at Ruxton Condos on Colonial Avenue this weekend in order to build up his portfolio and spread both AIDS and Hepatitis to as many local residents as possible. The event is advertised as tax and license free, which is why Shouse is able to charge only $20 per tattoo.

Shouse appeared in the following video which was used to advertise the tattoo party, mere minutes after purchasing his first tattoo kit.

Local tattoo fans stormed the Facebook page for this event, teasing Trick, who quickly became enraged and said, “Your [sic] stoners with caveman tools ripping people off,” despite the fact that he brazenly and openly vaporized marijuana while tattooing his ankle, possibly contaminating himself with deadly MRSA.

Despite the haters, Trick was able to afford a Master Suite at the local Cambria Suites, which had a “bangin” view of the Roanoke Star. A small pile of one and five dollar bills in the video attest to the fact that this extravagance only almost depleted Trick’s fat stacks.

Shouse and his twin brother scheduled a second event to address haters at Cambria Suites this Saturday at 2pm. Shouse can be reached at  540-425-0808 if you would like to schedule an appointment.

UPDATE:

Investigators have found Shouse was recently released from a stint in jail, after being arrested for sharing videos of his graffiti career on YouTube.

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Former DEA Administrator Peter Bensinger

SOUTHAMPTON, N.Y. — In an exclusive interview with The Internet Chronicle, former DEA Administrator Peter Bensinger discussed the waning percentage of citizens using illegal drugs, his opinion on the relative harm posed by different drugs, and penalties imposed in December against British banking giant HSBC for its role in aiding Mexican drug cartels. Speaking via Skype from his Chicago office, Mr. Bensinger relayed confidence that declining illicit drug use translates into decreased drug abuse, and that vaporized cannabis possesses medicinal value. The full interview is available for viewing on YouTube in three parts, below.

Part 1:

In Part 1, Mr. Bensinger says marijuana “is not a safe and effective medicine.” After our pressing the point about the vaporized cannabis point, Mr. Bensinger said he thought there was “a couple of interesting research projects,” one of them being Sativez. Sativex contains cannabinoids but in liquid, not in a gaseous vapor form. The former DEA chief then returned to the subject of his enthusiasm for the medical applications of medicines extracted from the cannabis plant available in pill or patch form. Mr. Bensinger said, “Marijuana has 60 percent more cancer-causing agents than tobacco,” referring by the term “marijuana” to “smoked marijuana” — not vapor, patch or pill forms.

Despite Washington state and Colorado’s legalizing referenda, and legalization proponents’ confidence that criminalization romanticizes rebellious behavior, Mr. Bensinger says he is confident that criminal penalties — “whether it’s just a trip to see a judge or a temporary arrest” — “does make a tremendous difference in the number of people using.”

We referenced our 2007 interview with Mason Tvert, a Colorado-based and (now) Marijuana Policy Project-affiliated activist who spearheaded a successful pro-legalization Denver referendum. Mr. Bensinger praised Washington and Colorado for their “good protections” limiting legal cannabis use to those over 21 years of age. But he said “the biggest segment” of the people who use marijuana “are 18- and 19-year-olds.” Those young, still-illegal users, he said, are the users that would still enable an illicit trade. “This won’t drive away the cartels,” he said. “They’ll love it. They’ll be selling to the biggest user population that is now consuming marijuana.” Most marijuana users are not under 21 years old.

Asked about the possibility of drug abuse rising even as drug decreased, Mr. Bensinger urged readers to analyze treatment admissions overdose deaths.” Heroin overdose and marijuana illicit use treatment statistics, he said, are far higher than the 1970s.

Ernest Drucker’s 1999 analysis of Drug Abuse Warning Network data suggested that overall drug abuse had skyrocketed between 1976 and 1995.
Drug Abuse Death 76 95 cropped 1024x810 EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Former DEA Administrator Peter Bensinger

Part 2:

Asked about stigma faced by adults with “expunged” drug convictions seeking to enter the fields of law enforcement, education or social services, the former DEA administrator said that “we have a problem with stigma,” although added that he did not have the statistical data to comment on the specific hardships these convicts face.

Mr. Bensinger declined to comment on Michele Leonhart’s claim to Congress that whether heroin was more harmful for individuals than cannabis was a “subjective” matter. “All of these drugs,” he said, “are in Schedule I or illegal because they don’t meet the FDA’s standards of efficacy and safety. And marijuana can cause, as a I showed you, deaths [from secondary effects.]”

rickychase EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Former DEA Administrator Peter Bensinger

Admin. Bensinger: A skied Ricky “Casey Jones” Gates offs 18 passengers in 1987 while smoking ganja.

Mr. Bensinger referenced a January ruling by the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia reviewing a DEA decision as to whether cannabis should be a Schedule I substance. He said the court “reviewed the DEA’s decision on whether it should be a Schedule I or Schedule II [drug,]” claiming that the court decided that the DEA “interpreted the FDA’s scientific information correctly.” The former DEA administrator added a claim that medical marijuana proponents are acting in opposition to “decisions by the U.S. Court of Appeals.” On the other hand last month the court said that the question before it was “not whether marijuana could have some medical benefits.”

Part 3:

In a 2011 white paper, the DEA officially weighed in on the medicinal value of cannabis, saying:

An April 2007 article published by the Harm Reduction Journal, and funded by the pro-legalization Marijuana Policy Project, argues that the use of a vaporizer has the potential to reduce the danger of cannabis as far as respiratory symptoms are concerned. While these claims remain scientifically unproven, serious negative consequences still remain. For example, driving skills are still impaired, heavy adolescent use may create deviant brain structure, and 9-12 percent of cannabis users develop symptoms of dependence. A vaporizer offers no protection against these consequences.

The White House Office of National Drug Control Policy (ONDCP) website ignores unclear guidance on the risks and medical value associated with “marijuana.” By “marijuana,” the ONDCP appears to refer only to “smoked marijuana.” The dictionary — at least Merriam-Webster — does not define “marijuana” strictly in terms of it being a smoked drug but rather “the dried leaves and flowering tops of the pistillate hemp plant that yield THC.” These are the same plant components that yield THC through vaporization. Indeed on the same page the White House uses “non-smoked” as a literal parenthetical of “safe.”

Marijuana itself is not an approved medicine under the Food and Drug Administration’s (FDA) scientific review process.  Yet 16 states and the District of Columbia have permitted marijuana to be sold as “medicine” for various conditions.  Although, some of the individual, orally-administered components of the cannabis plant (Dronabinol and Nabilone are two such drugs available today) have medical value, smoking marijuana is an inefficient and harmful method for delivering the constituent elements that have or may have medicinal value . . . No major medical association has come out in favor of smoked marijuana for widespread medical use.

Douglas Valentine, author of the drug enforcement history, The Strength of the Pack, obtained through Freedom of Information Act request an internal DEA memo, advising that the agency suspect “all . . . support for CIA electronic surveillance.” Casey Memo Header 300x111 EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Former DEA Administrator Peter BensingerAs early as 1977, lack of transparency and information-sharing was creating problems for the law enforcement community. If suspects showed up during the course of attempts by the CIA to surveil them, courts would undermine Justice Department efforts to enable the CIA to continue its work. His Counterpunch article from five years ago referred to this as an “emasculation” process.

Casey Piece 1 300x67 EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Former DEA Administrator Peter Bensinger

Casey Piece 2 300x151 EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Former DEA Administrator Peter Bensinger

As Mr. Valentine recounted five years ago in Counterpunch, CIA surveillance efforts actually protected drug traffickers. And thus the outgoing assistant administrator left his recommendation, below.

Casey Piece 3 300x46 EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Former DEA Administrator Peter Bensinger

Alexandra Bruce of Forbidden Knowledge TV provided production to this story. Our Washington correspondent provided video editing.

Former Rep. Patrick Kennedy takes Personal Drug Abuse Battle Public

Patrick Kennedy Mayo Clinic after Cark Wreck Former Rep. Patrick Kennedy takes Personal Drug Abuse Battle Public

Following a Drug-related Capitol Hill Car Accident, Rep. Kennedy says He will Enter Rehabilitation (Image: CNN, 2006)

WASHINGTON — Only days into the start of the 113th Congress, former Rhode Island 1st District Representative Patrick Kennedy, who has a long history of drug abuse, is spearheading the re-criminalization of cannabis possession in Washington state and Colorado. A referendum last year ended the states’ criminal penalties for recreational cannabis possession.

The website of his pro-criminalization group, Project SAM, forwards that social service and medical authorities alone cannot address problems associated with individual abuse of cannabis, stating, “A rational policy no longer relies only on the criminal justice system to address people whose only crime is smoking or possessing a small amount of marijuana.”

The website of Project SAM, the brainchild also of former President George W. Bush speechwriter David Frum, advocates a view that, “Although people arrested for marijuana possession rarely end up in prison, an arrest record can hurt someone’s chances of . . . accessing social benefits later in life.” The Department of Education website says, “[s]tudents with criminal convictions have limited eligibility for federal student aid.”

The website also calls for the possibility for “expungement of any personal record regarding possession of small amounts of marijuana.” However to pursue numerous professional pathways — particularly in the fields of law enforcement, social services and education — expungement is functionally a mirage.

In 2006 Rep. Kennedy crashed his Ford Mustang into a Capitol Hill traffic barrier. Two pulled Boston Herald articles (now archived here and here) cited sources from a Capitol Hill bar who claimed that, in addition to being under the influence of prescription sleep aids Ambien and Phenergan, Rep. Kennedy had been adding alcohol to the mix. That same year Rep. Kennedy would enter rehabilitation for his addiction to the painkiller Oxycontin.

Marijuana Policy Project Communications Director Mason Tvert, who successfully led a 2006 Denver legalization referendum, was reached for comment about the organizations and individuals funding Project SAM. He writes, “Since they’re a non-profit, it’s unlikely we’ll find out.”

Solicitor General: Gut Individual Mandate to Further Cannabis Legalization

katyal Solicitor General: Gut Individual Mandate to Further Cannabis Legalization

Acting Attorney General Neal Katyal, who this week outlined the administration’s shift from state-based health care exchanges to “chilling out”

WASHINGTON — Friday morning Acting Attorney General Neal Katyal announced that the Obama administration would be backpedaling from its take on the commerce clause to forward the “holy, righteous cause” of recreational cannabis legalization. Bolstered by praise from Colorado and Washington state Democratic leaders, and directives from the highest echelons of the Obama administration, Mr. Katyal announced in a press conference that the results of the landmark case Gonzales vs. Raich were “not cool” and were keeping millions of Americans from “chilling out” and “lighting up, man.”

Reached by phone in his Fairfax office at George Mason University Law School, Professor Michael Greve said the new anti-commandeering stance would prove exciting to Libertarian Party devotees at the Mercatur Institute and millions of drug-addled American liberals, most of whom are dependent on federal largesse for their barest subsistence.

“The Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act,” said Mr. Greve, “established a conditional pre-emption regime in which the federal government told the states, ‘establish an exchange or we will do it for you.’” Following 18 more conservative states having in essence told the government to come in and establish exchanges, Mr. Greve said, “these states have told the federal government to take responsibility for the inevitable failure of these health care regimes.”

Mr. Katyal said in a press conference Friday morning, “As long as Congress refuses to act to deschedule cannabis from the same tier as heroin — come on, heroin, people — the administration must act.” The administration’s tight, 180-degree turn came on the heel of several online townterviews, during which poll respondents consistently begged the administration to cease the notoriously racist drug war. In his weekly address today, a visibly intoxicated President Barack Obama spoke to his office webcam in a cloud of smoke, admitting, “Millions of toothless Southern and Midwestern Americans, who will never vote for me, anyway, versus a good time for the peace-loving denizens of Colorado and Washington state? That’s an easy choice for me, bra.”

Following an on-screen hit from a gravity bong haphazardly constructed from a Chicago Bears novelty cup, which the 51-year-old U.S. president described as “vicious,” he said, “I realize the insane hypocrisy of my having smoked marijuana for recreation before overseeing a federal regime that incarcerates millions of Americans — particularly African-Americans — in such record numbers. Something had to be done, and I have directed the Department of Justice to just scrap this health care reform thing.”

Attorney General Eric Holder released a statement saying he now concedes that “all of these Republican attorneys general, they’re right, man. Just as we can’t force these conservative states to establish exchanges, we also can’t use the commerce clause to force this horrible drug war down the throats of Colorado and Washington citizens. The voters have spoken. Let freedom reign.”

House Whip Steny Hoyer (D-MD), speaking to Politico, said that the legislative slowdown that faced descheduling cannabis was fueled by an ambiguity around the level of taxation that the illicit industrial psychoactive crop should receive. “If we had chosen to tax it too high, we would fuel black market activity. If we had voted to tax it too low, we just wouldn’t be taking our deficit seriously, and that would be unpatriotic.”

Internet Chronicle legal analysts have long predicted that the landmark Gonzales case would prove problematic for the Obama administration’s main objective — even if that objective were only background or covert — of legalizing the sticky-icky. In the wake of this decision, Iran and Russia are expected to overtake within weeks the United States in terms of arbitrary and/or politically motivated incarceration.

“الرائيليين استنساخ استنساخ المتعصبون النبي محمد

img1 640x480 1 الرائيليين استنساخ استنساخ المتعصبون النبي محمدالرياض، المملكة العربية السعودية – أشارت فرنسا القائمة على عبادة الاستنساخ أتباع رايل، وهذا الصباح أن نجاحهم في إنتاج في مجمع جزر البهاما استنساخ من نبي الإسلام النهائي، محمد بن عبد الله، وبعد أربع محاولات سابقة فاشلة.

يتحدث من مكان لم يكشف عنه في جزر البهاما، المتحدث باسم الرائيليين بريجيت الوطنية الفرنسية وبويسلييه، الذي أشرف على إنشاء استنساخ أول إنسان، وذكر ان العملية كانت ناجحة. “لقد أمضينا عدة أشهر في البحث عن مرشح المناسب تماما من خلال كريغزلست، وأخيرا وجدت الأم المثالية البديلة من خلال Jdate.com. في حين أن الأجنة المتقدمة القليلة الأولى انتهى يجري – كيف تقول – “لم تنفجر، ‘استغرق الخامس بشكل جيد، ومحمد جديد، ونحن ندعو له، وقد حصلت للتو من خلال الثلث الأول من الحمل وتبحث صحية” و. الرائيليين عبادة يقول أن الحيوانات المستنسخة السابقة كانت إما “مشوهة” أو “غير صحية”. أمراض النساء الرائيليين إحباط الأربعة الأولى الأجنة محمد بعد تسعة أسابيع من الحمل.

السيدة بويسلييه، الكيميائي عن طريق التدريب، بالتفصيل كيف أن أتباع رايل تعاونت مع المجتمع الاستخبارات الإسرائيلية للحصول على الحمض النووي من التبجيل وأكثرها شهرة على قيد الحياة البشرية من أي وقت مضى. في العام الماضي وعلم أن الحمض النووي لديه نصف العمر فقط العملية لبضعة آلاف من السنين. ذهب أتباع رايل والموساد أقفال العديد من الشعر النبوية هي تطوف في العالم، ولكن من أجل ضمان جديد محمد كان حقيقيا، والحق في المصدر.

في أكتوبر 2012 من قبر محمد والمنزل السابق كانت مخترقة من قبل مصور. أخبار الشيعة Shafaqna الموقع يبرهن هذه الحقيقة جدا. وقد داهمت قبر محمد، والمادة الوراثية المستخرجة من الجسم بالنسبة لنا في الاستنساخ.

وقال النبي، نيي كلود فوريلهون، وقال انه يأمل أن المشروع سوف تثير المزيد من الاهتمام في استنساخ البشر ورفع القيود المفروضة على الممارسة، في مواجهة العديد من بلدان العالم وأتباع رايل بعد أن تجرم الاستنساخ البشري بعد فترة وجيزة من إنشاء الثورية خروف مستنسخ ، دوللي، في 1990s. ولا ينبغي له أن يواجه أي مضاعفات في الثلث الثاني أو الثالث، ومن المقرر الجديد محمد أن يولد يونيو من عام 2013.

Seasonal Flu Tips From Doctor Angstrom H. Troubedaur

healthyasfuck 226x300 Seasonal Flu Tips From Doctor Angstrom H. Troubedaur

Angstrom H. Troubador’s new self-help health book for “bros,” Healthy as Fuck, hits shelves this Christmas.

Sup fellow dudes? Have you noticed a slimy feeling in your chest? Does it feel like you got herpes on your lungs? Yeah, that’s you gettin’ sick, bro.

It’s probably time to lay down the bong for a minute and just chill out on some acid instead, or something that doesn’t bother your lungs, like Quaaludes.

Back in the land before time, old people used to give whiskey to little kids and it would cure their cough. Now that you’re an adult, you no longer need smelly old people, or their war stories. Now you can pick up a case of Miller Lite or a 40-ounce bottle of medicine at your closest 7-Eleven. It’s the way they did it in olden times. Though there are more effective methods of treating the flu, chugging forties gives you the most bang for your buck. You feel better, AND you feel better!

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubedaur, a real doctor, recommends shotgunning twelve-ounce medicine canisters by stabbing a blade into the aluminum can and sucking around the hole you made. As you guzzle beer, your body naturally battles the poisons applied to your liver, giving your immune system the boost it needs to combat serious ailments such as:

  • SEASONAL FLU SYMPTOMS
  • HEADACHES
  • GOUT
  • MEASLES
  • WHOOPING COUGH
  • AIDS
  • SCARLET FEVER
  • Leaky broads
  • & HPV

Ask your “doctor” today!

THIS MESSAGE BROUGHT TO YOU GRACIOUSLY BY LEBAL DROCER, INC.
WE OWN EVERYTHING THAT MATTERS.

Violent J of the Insane Clown Posse diagnosed with skin cancer

violentJ Violent J of the Insane Clown Posse diagnosed with skin cancer

Here is a rare photo of “Violent J” without his carcinogenic face-paint.

DETROIT, MICH. — Joseph Bruce, aka Violent J, founding member of the Insane Clown Posse, released a statement to fans Friday canceling further tour dates pending his recovery from skin cancer. Doctors say the cancer was caused by carcinogens in the oil-based “dark carnival” style face paint, which Bruce wore at home and for all public appearances.

Oncologist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour said, “Sadly, the face paint not only caused the skin cancer but it also hid the tell-tale signs of growth before the tumor became deadly. Violent J is putting up a strong fight, but at this stage his chances of survival are slim.”

Over the course of a year, the survival rate for skin cancer that has progressed to this stage on the face is estimated at about 10 percent. “We’re hoping for a magical miracle,” said Michelle “Sugar Slam” Rapp, Bruce’s babies’ momma.

Shaggy 2 Dope, another member of the Insane Clown Posse rap group, stated “I’m switchin’ to motherfuckin’ safe face paints from now on. All you other juggalos out there, spray-paintin’ yourselves ‘n shit, y’all need to get real. Clown makeup ain’t no joke no more. Woop woop!”

Fans of the Insane Clown Posse were recently declared a gang by the FBI, and crimes by so-called “Juggalos” now carry extra sentences in some urban areas.

 

ROMNEY USES COCAINE; American People to Romney Campaign: Go For The Nostrils!

DENVER, COLO. — Americans were excited today about reports deep within the bowels of the Romney campaign that the former Massachusetts governor is ready to go after President Obama’s use of marawana and cocaine as a teenager.

“I mean, this is a guy who admitted to cocaine use,” says a Romney adviser to Buzzfeed, “had a sweetheart deal with his house in Chicago, and was associated and worked with Rod Blagojevich to get Valerie Jarrett appointed to the Senate,” adding, “The bottom line is there’ll be counterattacks.”

President Obama has made a point of discussing his own history of using cocaine, which he refers to by its crass street name of “blow;” as well as his inhaling the vapours of the ever-popular devil weed itself. His popular autobiography, “The Audacity of Hope,” whose sales are his primary source of income — second only to “cash money” reportedly obtained selling automatic firearms to Mexican drug cartels — is a book basically about how the 44th president of the United States loved using drugs. President Obama has met desperate, repeated online pleas he legalize recreational cannabis use with guffaws and denials that he would act to liberate from a kyriarchy the American people, now arbitrarily incarcerated at rates unrivaled in the developed world.

Despite many reports, including out of Forbes magazine, that Portugal’s drug legalization policy has decimated that country’s drug abuse, Gil Kerlikowski, head of the Office of National Drug Control Policy, has stated that legalization does not combat the ills of illicit drug use. And last month, before Congress, the head of the Drug Enforcement Agency, Michele Leonhart, reiterated her administration’s commitment to utter hysteria and lack of focus on a public health crisis.

Before finally admitting, after much pressure, that heroin was more addictive than cannabis, Ms. Leonhart first characterized the matter of whether heroin is worse for an individual’s health than cannabis as “subjective.” This admission followed deliberately dishonest exchanges with Democratic Representative Jared Polis of Colorado:

REPRESENTATIVE JARED POLIS (D-CO): Is crack [a street name for free-based cocaine - ed] worse for a person than marijuana?

MICHELE LEONHART: I believe all illegal drugs are bad.

REP. POLIS: Is methamphetamine worse for somebody’s health than marijuana?

MS. LEONHART: I don’t think any illegal drug is good for –

REP. POLIS: Is heroin worse for someone’s health than marijuana?

MS. LEONHART: Again, all [sic] the drugs, they are illegal.

The administration’s enforcement strategies square well with the Romney campaign’s assessment of the president pro-drug attitudes, the unmistakable products of hedonistic, if-it-feels-good-do-it ’60s culture. Meanwhile the deputy director of NORML, a shady druggie front group, longs for the good old days under President George Bush when Californian sludge distributors operating under the guise of “medical clinics” “helping people in pain” could operate with relative impunity, writing this week, “Many of California’s most prominent and well-respected medical cannabis dispensaries and related facilities — including Oaksterdam University, Berkeley Patients Group, and Harborside Health Center (HHC) — flourished under the George W. Bush administration. But they’ll be lucky to survive President Barack Obama’s first term.”

Medical health professionals consulted off-the-record by The Internet Chronicle speculate that President Obama’s laser obsession with his administration’s present drug enforcement strategies is likely the result of the delusion and vigor associated, they say, “unmistakably” with cocaine psychosis.

After bragging to high school students in December of 2007 about how cool drugs are, then Senator Obama became the focus of the popular prohibitionist scrutiny. Obama’s candor with students came on the heels of the leak of an audiotape of President George W. Bush citing a responsibility to America’s youth to prevaricate about his own drug use — not to protect his own career, of course, but to shield them from the enormous influence the president of the United States has had on American teenagers since the Founding Fathers.

Years ago the Romney campaign pounced on the opportunity to praise President Bush’s bold, private confession to smoking weed. Mr. Romney said then, “He said when he was young and irresponsible, he was young and irresponsible, and he left it at that. And I think that in order to leave the best possible example for our kids, we’re probably wisest not to talk about our own indiscretions in great detail.”

Mr. Romney’s strategy is “simple yet elegant,” says Political Science Professor Alan Abramowitz of Emory University, adding, “It allows the candidate to bask in the veneer of family values while remaining duplicitous about that bottle of Coca-Cola he is rumored to have enjoyed, covertly, while on missionary work in France on behalf of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.”