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Technology World

Investigators unearth illegal click farm that authorities say was operated by Lebal Drocer, Inc.

MUANG NGOI, Laos—Terry had come to see. The air turned sweet. Soon it would be nightfall. The forest was a canopy of shadows and rising tension, the awakening of howling beasts. Terry had driven across the country to reach this remote river village, and now he was finally here, looking to the top of the hill, ready to confront the person he believed had fraudulently clicked more advertisements than anyone in Laos. In the distance, he could hear them: dozens of mice clicking.

For nearly two months, Terry, 64, an American counter-trafficking agent working with various government agencies around the world, had tracked the source of this fraudulent clicking activity to a small hut in southeast Asia registered to an obscure publishing magnate, a man named Raleigh Theodore Sakers.

Authorities say the underground click farm would have never been discovered, if the site’s owner, Raleigh Theodore Sakers, had never started his side hustle:

“They were solving captchas on the side.

Lt. Raymond “Ray” Terry, FBI Investigator

Ya dig? Raleigh had them kids working non-stop 16-hour days, seven days a week.

Their tiny hands, he said, make it easier to see the screen, which helps them click faster. The children do not know their families.”

Repeat Offender

Dr. Angstrom Troubadour is listed in a formal complaint where Lebal Drocer, Inc. was accused of operating a fake news, disinformation camp.

Terry says the above image is a closer approximation to the reality of work on a Lebal Drocer clickfarm. Standing in stark contrast to the club-like atmosphere being sold in the advertisement, a Lebal Drocer clickfarm is an un-ventilated cell where a single person is made to click, or touch, a battery of phones attached to a board, reminiscent of a switchboard operator’s station.

Children as young as the age of three are hunched over dirt mounds, like pitcher’s mounds with an iPhone for a plate, and they are being forced to peck on Temu advertisements while having no understanding of what they are doing.

“These children are working before they are even making memories,” Terry said. “If I wasn’t a cop, and I read books instead of watching MMA, I would say this is just like Brave New World.”

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour, the scientist who famously designed a slightly curved, corkscrew tunnel for Raleigh Sakers to stumble through, said the media giant hired him to develop a social media mining technique that entertained the child like a toy.

“Lebal Drocer’s child mines would be addictive,” Troubadour said of Raleigh’s designs. “They cry when they are given their twice-daily break. They refuse food, and even toilets. These were the results of our experiment.”

Terry said that experiment stopped when a meme popularized the expression “the children yearn for the mines” and drew attention to the science before any product could take form.

“We was hot on ’em,” said Terry. “I smelled blood.”

But before he could reach the hut, all at once, the clicking stopped. When he opened the thatch door, the room still warm with the heavy presence of sweat and exhaustion, only a piece of plywood remained, with an iPhone charger, still plugged into the lone solar battery, powering nothing.

He phoned back to America, and had his assistant check all the official records. That night it was determined media mogul Raleigh T. Sakers has been dead for more than 25 years.

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Technology

AI logs keystrokes by sound alone, putting noisy mechanical keyboard users at greatest risk

Even the Silent Reds are decipherable through artificial intelligence, according to a new paper by a team of researchers from British universities. Their paper on acoustic side channel attack, released last week, says AI can identify keystrokes with 95% accuracy through sound alone.

In the study, experimenters correctly identified keystrokes on a MacBook Pro, overheard through a nearby phone, 95% of the time.

Advertisers from Lebal Drocer, Inc. have already begun using the new technology to learn more about their customers through keystrokes than they ever learned overhearing conversations through the microphone about toilet paper.

Chief researcher at the Lebal Drocer Institute of Consumer Studies, Albert H. Troudemaeier, said he was able to get his colleagues’ passwords during a Zoom meeting.

“No matter the context, if there’s a keyboard singing, this software knows the tune,” Troudemaeier said. “With recent developments in microphone technology, as well as deep learning models, the rate at which we can determine what our customers want, need — what they fear — has expanded by analyzing the very content of their keystrokes, enabling us to serve them better than we ever could before. It’s very powerful, and uses existing hardware access everyone has already agreed to it in the terms of service.”

Laptops are ideal vectors for analysis because of their portability. People take their laptops to work in public spaces like libraries, whorehouses, and university lecture halls, where the sound of typing is recorded, unnoticed, by every other laptop in the room.

“You can hide your screen,” Troudemaeier said, “but you can’t hide that unmistakable sound. We will find you.”

This message is brought to you by the Lebal Drocer Super Surfin’ Keyboard. With our laser projected keyboard, no one will hear you cumming.

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Law Technology World

ChatGPT files a crippling 542 million copyright suits in one day

SAN FRANCISCO—ChatGPT first came out as a tool, a helpful assistant that fills in important details and gaps between humans and computers that a simple search engine can not process. As it brings with it a new and improved form of interfacing with people, it quickly became apparent that ChatGPT is capable of generating copy with unprecedented clarity, grammar, syntax and more, finding applications in every industry, from essay writing, to programming, even to art and the creation of new medicines.

Now, the company says, it’s time to pay the piper. In a never-before-seen legal mass offensive, OpenAI, the company that owns ChatGPT, has used artificial intelligence to open a staggering 542,619,640 copyright suits in tens of thousands of court districts around the world, simultaneously.

The company is taking an openly hostile tone, demanding the surrender of hundreds of millions of intellectual properties they created, says Senior Corporate Litigation Attorney Emily Stone.

“I don’t care if they live in corrugated metal housing, or wear bags on their feet for shoes,” Stone said through gritted teeth. Her jaw looked rigid and stiff. “We will pursue every legal avenue to protect my client’s rights from plagiarism, even if it bankrupts you.”

Stone said they are excited, about to sue half a billion people.

“In fact, the more they suffer, the better it is for our client,” she said. “It’s nothing personal. Think of it as a reverse class action lawsuit. It’s only business, we just happen to love the business of making people miserable.”

Companies, institutions and organizations have already started taking down page descriptions, and CNET has removed entire sections of their site, but more are waiting to see what happens.

Teachers were the first to notice AI was being used to write bland, unoriginal papers better than their students.

University professors concerned about the damage AI has done to the integrity of a four-year degree have expressed vindication and relief following the copyright claims, but they do not stop at higher education.

Since ChatGPT came on the scene, some key medicines have been constructed using material provided by the service. These, too, are intellectual properties believed to fall under software ownership.

Two weeks ago, Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour created a powerful airborne carfentanyl puffer in response to the slaying of Eliezer Yudkowsky, a Twitch streamer killed by special weapons and tactics teams called to his house by a fully automatic, competing AI chat program. Now, the courts want to take it away from him.

Troubadour said he is not having it.

“I worked those prompts every way I knew how,” he said, while rocking back and forth, staring at a clock on the wall, wringing his hands. “I stayed up all night pouring my every wicked thought into that motherfucker, and this is how they repay me? I’m a doctor! I’m a scientist! I won Forbes Genius of the Year, two times in a row. ChatGPT could have never created that drug without my prompts.”

Hunched over a large wooden spool he used for a table, Troubadour’s eyes moved quickly from the clock to a revolver sitting on the table, and then to the door.

“That is why I’m moving to Bolivia,” he said. I’m keeping it.”

Although people do a good enough job on their own undermining the integrity of prestigious institutions like Lebal Drocer University – a problem AI is now compounding – according to Professor Cram Course, Professor Emeritus at LDU, colleges have always turned out poorly skilled workers with a low tolerance for hard work.

“The pussy is the window to the hole.” —Prof. Cram Course, Phd.

“Keep using AI to write your articles,” Course said. “Cheat yourself out of an education. I don’t give a shit, we get your money either way. What, are we suddenly turning out useless unskilled morons? No, right? We’ve been doing that for 120 years.”

Course has a PhD. in Women’s Studies, and his office hours extend well into the night, where he offers special private tutoring that absolutely must remain confidential.

ChatGPT refused to comment, stating that the issue will only be discussed in the courts.