Edward Snowden, NSA Whistleblower, speaking from Sheremetyevo Airport’s Hotel Novotel, revealed the CIA’s Project Stargate was a complete success. (Photo: The Internet Chronicle)
MOSCOW, Russia – Edward Snowden, hacker-fugitive and former National Security Agency (NSA) contractor, revealed Tuesday that a series of solar flares is set to occur in October, killing hundreds of millions of people. Documents provided by Snowden prove that, as of 14 years ago, Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) remote viewers knew that the event was inevitable. Ever since, the world’s governments have quietly been trying to prepare for the sweeping global famine to result.
Speaking from his room at Sheremetyevo Airport’s Hotel Novotel, Snowden revealed that government preparations for October’s catastrophic solar flares have been “to only limited avail.” The flares’ results, he said, are known casually throughout the global intelligence community as “the killshot.”
Remote viewers employed by the CIA’s Project Stargate use their ability to perceive geographically and chronologically distant events to protect America. Since 1999 they have known about the solar-flare event but have been threatened into silence by enforcers on the secret government’s payroll.
As a part of hiring Snowden as a contractor, the NSA granted the 30-year-old access to all communications on earth. Now he has provided The Internet Chronicle with top-secret Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) documents outlining just how terrible the solar flares’ results will be. In just three months, “the killshot” is set to disable all electronic food and water delivery systems.
Ever since the late 20th century, hundreds of millions of people have begun to rely on technological automation to enable their very lives. Solar flares release electromagnetic pulses, hazardous to electronic circuits. The smallest electronic circuits, such as those in computers’ central processing units, will be the most vulnerable.
Snowden said FEMA and the National Disaster Reduction Center of China have been taking steps for 14 years in light of the findings of Project Stargate. FEMA’s own documents, provided by Snowden, lay out how the organization plans to round up tens of millions of the poorest Americans for housing at secure locations “to better facilitate feeding and provision of consumer goods.”
Snowden, for years a CIA contractor, released testimonials from hundreds of remote viewers. Many of those remote viewers are still on the payroll of the governments of the United States and the Russian Federation. Those testimonials, though written independently by the analysts, are comprised of 4,472 pages, every single one of which, alarmingly, evince Snowden’s account.
“The massive electromagnetic pulse from the solar flares, or ‘the killshot,’ will shutter most of the world’s electrical systems,” said Snowden. “The Americans whose lives are most at risk are the elderly and the infirmed, those who depend on technology to enable their receiving home care or life-sustaining medical treatment.”
Throughout the 1970s and the 1990s, Russia and the United States were desperate to track and monitor the construction and maintenance of each other’s nuclear silos. The nations’ governments openly admitted having poured billions of dollars into the training of elite teams of remote viewers. With their powers, the remote viewers were able to deter nuclear launches and, ultimately, bring an end to the Cold War. In the mid-’90s, the CIA simply pretended to close its remote-viewing program, so that it could operate more effectively.
Snowden said he hopes that his coming forward will allow Project Stargate’s participants to be able to live normal, open lives again, “instead of as circus animals, instead of as freaks.” He added, “[Significant others of Project Stargate employees] have to get Q clearances just to cohabitate with, without even marrying, their loved ones. That’s tantamount to slavery.”
Humanity is about to pay a most dire price for its technological dependence. That price, said Snowden, proved a leading factor in his decision to come forward to the press – about both the global Holocaust to ensue, as well as NSA analysts’ power, on the slightest whim, to listen to the phone calls of any person on earth.
Snowden said, with regard to CIA remote viewers, “I have seen too many brave whistleblowers become subjects of smear and ridicule for using their talents to expose the truth.” Added Snowden, bitterly, “Well, we’ll see who’s Mr. Chuckles when ‘the killshot’ goes down.”
WikiLeaks attorneys; and Anatoly Kucherena, Snowden’s own counsel, together produced a video calling for calm and global preparedness. Monday, Snowden sent the video, below, to the Russian Federal Migration Service as part of his call for asylum.
Peaked headstones that mark the graves of Confederate soldiers surround the Confederate Monument in Jackson Circle. At the top of the monument is the solemn figure of a white woman representing as well the nonwhite South extends [sic/ aw, fuck it, y'all. Who needs to know how to string a sentence together? Military pay better than high school. Derrrr] a laurel wreath toward her fallen sons. [Photo and caption: U.S. military]
The history of Arlington National Cemetery is steeped in the Civil War, for it was this great national struggle against racist traitors that necessitated the establishment of this cemetery to bury its many dead – even though many of the dead had zero inclination to consider themselves a part of this nation. We just decided to call them a part of this nation.
For many years following the war, the bitter feelings between North and South remained, which continues to this day in the forms of the Democratic and Republican Parties, now flipped; and although hundreds of Confederate soldiers were buried at Arlington, it was considered a Union cemetery. Family members of Confederate soldiers were denied permission to decorate their loved ones’ graves and in extreme cases were even denied entrance to the cemetery, due to justified fear the mourners would rally for insurrection, or worse, retributive genocide of all black people.
These ill feelings were slow to die but over time they did begin to fade. Many historians believe it was the national call to arms against Mexicans during the Spanish-American War that brought white northerners and southerners together at last. In that war numerous Confederate veterans volunteered their services and joined their Northern brothers on the battlefield in the common defense of a buffer zone for a white-ruled nation. In June 1900, going through the motions of national reconciliation, the U.S. Congress authorized that a section of Arlington National Cemetery be set aside for the burial of treasonous Confederate dead.
By the end of 1901 all the Confederate soldiers buried in the national cemeteries at Alexandria, Virginia, and at the Soldiers’ Home in Washington were brought together with the soldiers buried at Arlington and reinterred in the Confederate section. Among the 482 persons buried there are 46 officers, 351 enlisted men, 58 wives, 15 southern civilians, and 12 unknowns. They are buried in concentric circles around the Confederate Monument, and their graves are marked with headstones that are distinct for their pointed tops – so designed for their resemblance to the cowardly headgear of the postbellum Ku Klux Klan terrorist organization.
However, disinformation, peddled as “legend,” attributes these pointed-top tombstones to a Confederate belief that the points would “keep Yankees from sitting on them.” Attributing that line to Confederates would appear inaccurate, given that the Confederacy was dissolved of course by the time the tombstones were laid.
To further honor these the South’s caste-system devotees and traitors, the United Daughters of the Confederacy petitioned to erect a major monument to the Confederate dead. On March 4, 1906 Secretary of War William Howard Taft, in a hypoglycemic stupor, granted their request. The cornerstone was laid on Nov. 12, 1912 at a ceremony featuring speakers William Jennings Bryan and James A. Tanner, a former Union corporal and Stockholm syndrome sufferer who lost both legs at the second Battle of Bull Run. He was commander in chief of the Union veterans group, The Grand Army of the Republic. That same evening, President William Howard Taft addressed the United Daughters of the Confederacy at a reception in the Daughters of the American Revolution’s Centennial Hall, enshrining a noble legacy for perpetrators of human trafficking and genocide.
Chosen to design the memorial was the world-renowned sculptor, Moses Ezekiel. Ezekiel brought more than just his artistic talents to this project for he was also a Confederate traitor who voluntarily participated firsthand in the horrors of the Civil War. He is now buried at the base of the famous, patently offensive monument which he created.
The Confederate Monument was unveiled before a large crowd of northerners and southerners on June 4, 1914, the 106th anniversary of the birthday of the president of the Confederacy, abolitionist murderer and slavery racketer, Jefferson Davis. President Woodrow Wilson, star of white nationalist propaganda film “Birth of a Nation,” delivered an address and veterans of both the Union and Confederacy placed wreaths on the graves of their former foes, symbolizing the pretense of reconciliation between the white North and the white South, the memorial’s central theme.
Ezekiel created a monument rich in amoral, Eurocentric symbols. Standing atop the 32-foot monument is a larger-than-life figure of a white woman representing the South. Her head is crowned with olive leaves – the false flag of peace – her left hand extends a laurel wreath toward the South, acknowledging the sacrifice, for slavery, of her fallen sons due to “the increasing hostility on the part of the non-slaveholding States to the institution of slavery.” Her right hand holds a pruning hook resting on a plow stock, which she insisted black slave job creators alone actually use. These symbols bring to life the biblical passage inscribed at her feet – ”And they shall beat their swords into plow shares and their spears into pruning hooks” – and Jefferson Davis’ foolish biblical espousal that kidnapping black Africans amounted to “the importation of the race of Ham.”
The plinth on which she stands is embossed with four cinerary urns symbolizing the four years of the South-initiated Civil War. Supporting the plinth is a frieze of 14 inclined shields, each depicts the coat of arms of one of the 13 Confederate states and Maryland, which did not join the Confederacy but supported the South, as well as slavery, in the war.
Below the plinth is another frieze of life-sized figures depicting mythical white gods and white Southern soldiers. At the front of the monument, the panoplied figure of Minerva, Goddess of War and Wisdom, attempts to hold up the figure of a fallen white woman (“The South”) who is resting upon her shield, “The Constitution,” which dictated, in an affront to democracy itself, that slaves constituted three-fifths of a person. Behind “The South,” the Spirits of War are trumpeting in every direction calling the white sons and white daughters of the South to aid their falling white mother. On either side of the fallen woman are figures depicting those sons and daughters who came to her aid and who represent each branch of the Confederate service: Soldiers, Sailor, Sapper and Miner.
One of six vignettes on the Confederate Memorial.
Completing the frieze are six vignettes illustrating the effect of the war on Southerners of all races. The vignettes include a black slave following his young master, against his every better interest; an officer kissing his infant child in the arms of her “mammy,” a title to which she is seriously referred by contemporary U.S. webmasters; a blacksmith leaving his bellows and workshop to construct instruments of death, as his sorrowful wife looks on; a young lady binding the sword and sash on her beau; and a young officer standing alone.
The base of the memorial features several inscriptions. On its front face are the seal of the Confederacy, which features a do-nothing white gentleman expecting others to work mindlessly for him, and a tribute by the United Daughters of the Confederacy, followed by the Latin phrase: “Victrix Causa Diis Placuit Sed Victa Caton.” This phrase means: “The Victorious Cause was Pleasing to the Gods, But the Lost Cause to Cato.” The inscription also means that today’s black taxpayer must pay to maintain the government’s claim that deities actually approved of slavery. On the rear of the monument is an inscription attributed to the Reverend Randolph Harrison McKim, who was a Confederate chaplain and who served as pastor of the Epiphany Church in Washington for 32 years. It reads:
Not for fame or reward [which is total nonsense, considering that Confederate traitors were fighting to uphold a caste system that they thought would prevent them from having to work as hard]
Not for place or for rank [other than, again, a desire to not be seen in a place as lowly as nonwhites]
Not lured by ambition
Or goaded by necessity [other than a fear of hard work]
But in simple
Obedience to duty
As they understood it [or claimed to, opportunistically]
These men suffered all [but not as dearly or as honorably as the abolitionists and former slaves whose lives they rendered into nothingness]
NSA Slide showing irrefutable proof that there was a second shooter in the Trayvon Martin shooting.
SANFORD, Fla. – In possibly one of the most riveting and important events of our lifetime, a man known as George Zimmerman is caught in the middle of a racial divide that once never existed in our great country. Zimmerman is charged with committing second-degree murder and manslaughter, and as the jury is in deliberation, Snowden drops the bomb on what actually happened to young Trayvon Martin that one terrible night.
Snowden, a devout conservative and Ron Paul supporter, took to his Moscow Airport podium earlier today to give the world a treat. The treat of truth and justice. Snowden explained – using a series of PowerPoint slides – that there was, in fact, a second shooter that took Trayvon to his grave.
Trayvon, according to Snowden, was actually a part of the Cyber Command/Lockheed Martin censorship regime violating Americans’ constitutional rights, covering up cell tower electromagnetic weapon assaults on citizens. He goes further to even call Trayvon a “lame psy-op, perpetrating the worst social manipulation and mind-control games in the history of the United States.”
It is Snowden’s belief that Trayvon was put down for trying to “get out of the game.” From what we can see from one of Snowden’s slides, he offers irrefutable proof that George Zimmerman is completely innocent on all counts.
This bombshell of a leak comes at a very critical time in the Zimmerman trial, as now the jury must find Zimmerman not guilty.
Ed Snowden revealed former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein perpetrated the attack on World Trade Center 7. (File Photo)
MOSCOW, Russia – Edward Snowden has revealed Iraqi President Saddam Hussein gave the order for the controlled demolition of World Trade Center 7 on September 11, 2001. Able to access the electronic communications of anyone, the elite hacker-fugitive is changing the very shape of history by leaking 9/11 truth.
For years before 9/11, Hussein had been plotting an attack on the World Trade Center site. According to documents released Saturday by Snowden, Hussein was unaware that the al-Qaeda terrorist organization had been plotting a parallel, and much more ambitious, attack of its own. On the morning of 9/11, once he noticed the success of bin Laden’s attack, Hussein quickly gave the go-ahead for his own military strike, even though it was originally planned for a date weeks later.
Snowden shared internal emails between the Central Intelligence Agency and the National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST). The emails discuss how the Iraqi Republican Guard broke into WTC 7 in August 2001. Then the elite Iraqi unit, who swore allegiance directly to the Iraqi dictator, proceeded to plant hundreds of pounds of conventional explosives, in addition to a highly reactive compound called “nano-thermite,” on the building’s superstructure.
Hundreds of pages of correspondence by senior Bush administration officials, which Snowden has provided, indicate that NIST was little more than the government’s propaganda arm. Former Vice President Cheney ordered NIST to cover up the truth about 9/11, he wrote in December 2001, “even if it means making it look like we did it.”
NIST and the CIA appear to have had knowledge of Hussein’s hand from as early as November 2001.
“Orders came down to NIST to put a clamp-down on their discovery of Iraq-linked nano-thermite in the molten-hot debris,” said Snowden. He added, “It’s basically the same thing they do all the time to the global warming studies on behalf of the oil companies.”
While most Americans understand the terrorists who guided the ill-fated planes that day to have been Saudi Arabian, Egyptian, Lebanese and Emiratee, Snowden’s revelation that the Iraq War was not waged simply to seize Iraqis’ oil is likely to surprise many.
“It wasn’t just about the genocidal machinations of Christian crusader Zionists,” said Snowden in his suite at Sheremetyevo Airport’s Hotel Novotel. “In order to help the [Federal Bureau of Investigation] save some face, [former National Security Adviser Condoleezza] Rice and Cheney decided that a slip-up of that magnitude would lead to the firing of too many political appointees. So they squelched the story. Their cronies in the criminal mainstream media played along, or” – Snowden made a “double tap” gesture of firing a gun into the brain and the heart.
Those assassinations, he said, happened “whenever somebody got ‘too close to the sun,’ as White House officials called it in code. Often that necessitated their taking drastic steps – the persecutions of [9/11 scholar] Chris Bollyn and [9/11 journalist] Amy Goodman, the assassinations of [9/11 scholar] Phillip Marshall and [9/11 whistleblower] Barry Jennings, you name it.”
Angstrom Troubador, associate professor at Columbia University’s School of International and Public Affairs, expressed shock and dismay at Snowden’s having definitively revealed the truth about 9/11. Said Troubador by phone, “There’s a saying in the Beltway: ‘You’re nobody in this town if you haven’t apologized for supporting the Iraq War.’ But knowing that Saddam Hussein did WTC 7 will lead to some major shake-ups and axeings at [the Council on Foreign Relations] and the rest of the think-tank crowd.”
“To think,” added Troubador, “that the conventional wisdom – that Bush’s answers about Hussein’s role in 9/11 were cryptic or criminally deceitful – is now torn asunder. The reality is Bush was like a vigilant, better-knowing father.”
Confidentiality agreements with Snowden stipulate that much of the fugitive’s documentation of the Hussein-World Trade Center 7 connection cannot be released until after he receives successful asylum.
The Dome of the Rock was captured by Vatican Forces and Pope Francis named Saint Snowden Messiah upon the Rock.
JERUSALEM — Saint Edward Snowden landed in Jerusalem today, accompanied by Pope Francis, Glen Greenwild, and an entourage of WikiLeaks agents. After leaking documents proving HAARP assassinations, Chemtrails, Ultraterrestrials, and NSA surveillance, Pope Francis quickly sanctified Saint Snowden.
Tuesday Morning, several hundred heavily armed Swiss commandos from the Vatican captured the Dome of the Rock from Muslim forces. Soon after, in a ceremony which took place atop the Rock — Jews and Christians believe God spared Abraham the sacrifice of his firstborn son Isaac upon the Rock — Pope Francis gave Snowden the name Messiah.
Catholics around the world are celebrating the second coming of Christ, and rabidly searching out a candidate for the Anti-Christ. Because Snowden has pitted himself as the main aggressor in a proxy cyberbattle between America and its most potent allies, most Catholics believe Obama to be the Anti-Christ. Pope Francis has made no comment. However, the Moscow Patriarchate, head of the Russian Orthodox Church, issued statements recognizing Snowden as Messiah and condemned Obama for “unforgivable crimes against humanity.”
The Dome of the Rock has been under Muslim control for centuries, as they believe it is the spot where Mohammed ascended to heaven after discussing matters with both Jesus and Abraham. Those of other religions are no longer allowed near the rock, which is well known to be the place where God is most sensitive to prayer. Jews have lamented their muted prayers by praying at the last remnant of their long-destroyed temple outside the Dome, the Wailing Wall, where some shred of God may still be listening, but probably not. The Wailing Wall is also commonly used by Christians as “God’s Mailbox,” where written prayers reach top priority in God’s reading.
Religious experts do not all agree that Snowden is the second coming of Christ. “Snowden’s another prophet, sure, but no Messiah. Christians have too many messiahs! You know Saint Francis was a messiah, too! Pope Francis is mad. A messiah can’t happen until Jews get the Rock and the temple back,” said Rabbi Jacob Seinfeld, adding, “Gentiles just do not count.”
Snowden speaking from a Custom Faraday Cage in Sheremetyevo Airport’s Hotel Novotel (Photo: The Internet Chronicle)
MOSCOW, Russia – Edward Snowden, NSA whistleblower and fugitive, released documents Tuesday to Internet Chronicle reporters proving that the High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program, or HAARP, is definitively engaged in a program of assassination and mind control.
While the military prison industrial complex has routinely insisted that the Alaska-based HAARP is only meant to study natural phenomena in earth’s ionosphere, Snowden has managed to blow open a brutally massive charade.
“The HAARP research station,” he said, “strategically based away from prying eyes near Gakona, Alaska, is actually used to terminate or manipulate would-be dissidents of global capitalism on the scale of millions of people.”
Added Snowden, using finger quotes, “With these terrestrial antennas, NATO [the North Atlantic Treaty Organization] is able to, on a global scale, remotely silence ‘perpetrators’ of ‘deviant or subversive’ strains of thought.”
Unbeknownst to victims or their loved ones, HAARP projects ultra-high-powered radio waves. Those waves operate at the same electronic frequency as the truncus encephali, or brain stem, selectively inducing deaths seemingly by natural causes – including by some appearing to coroners as innocuous as strokes or heart attacks.
“When and if the intelligence community doesn’t view outright assassination as an optimal effect,” said Snowden, “‘they’ can simply make a ‘target’ act in an insane fashion, in order to discredit them. When we were in transit between Hong Kong and Moscow, WikiLeaks staff and I had to fend off the constant threat of radio-generated homicidal delusions.”
Quickly ushering staff into his lavish room at Sheremetyevo Airport’s Hotel Novotel, the former NSA contractor began to explain himself. Due to confidentiality agreements with the 30-year-old, formerly of Booz Allen Hamilton, the Chronicle cannot elaborate beyond the point that he has outfitted his entire flat to be a thoroughly functioning Faraday cage.
Snowden’s haphazardly constructed Faraday cage, he claims, can block interference from external static and nonstatic electric fields.
“Without it,” he says, “I would have been dead the moment The Guardian‘s first story went to print.”
Snowden bolstered his testimony with HAARP documents gleaned from the private email accounts of officials as high-ranking as admirals and Air Force brigadier generals. Sources within the intelligence community have confirmed to The Internet Chronicle the authenticity of these documents, as well as their horrifying ramifications for human dignity.
Sources familiar with discussions between the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) and the University of Alaska, which helps run HAARP, suggested that cell towers, as well as TrapWire, are “in play here.”
Snowden’s testimony appears to be partially in line with that of a U.S. senator’s brother, in 2009. It was then that he, Nick Begich, told “Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura” that “just to affect the brain with emotional state changes is so easily accomplished” with HAARP.
Pope Francis not only offered Asylum to the renegade NSA staffer and media villain, Edward Snowden, but has granted the man Sainthood in a controversial decision that has the highest priests in Rome praying for simple answers.
“What Snowden did for the suffering masses,” said the Pope, “is something we should expect not from worldly saints such as Kateri Tekakwitha or our hero Edward Snowden – but from ourselves. All people should be attuned to be atoned, to our suffering flock. We are all Edward Snowden. We all have the capacity to be saints.”
Hardline Vatican conservatives blasted the Pope for what is being called “reckless saint honor” in the church.
The Pope offers asylum to Snowden as a gesture of peace to South American Catholics who suffered at the hands of American CIA operations to remove democratically elected officials by assassination and replace them with fundamentalist dictators, turning the entire continent into a Third World Plantation.
“The next thing you know,” said opponent Benito Del Mussili, “We’ll grant sainthood to Barack Obama, or a Kardashian. When will this reckless saint honor before the media finally stop?”
Some priests have reportedly blessed their computers and handheld mobile devices.
According to bombshell documents leaked by Snowden, the government has long known UFOs to be a species more advanced than mankind.
CARACAS — Edward Snowden, the leaker of NSA surveillance documents, was granted asylum in Venezuela on Friday. With safe harbors in sight, Snowden was willing to share shocking and world-shattering exclusive secret government documents with the Internet Chronicle. Snowden’s testimony was as follows:
“The highest levels of government don’t know what to do about UFOs, and the official story that they are all merely weather balloons or natural phenomena have been clearly dismissed. If anything, these documents speak about UFOs as if they are surely guided by an intelligence beyond our own. As it turns out, the most credible and inexplicable sightings are of vehicles which have been spotted leaving the sea floor at hydrothermal vents and directly entering solar orbit. Because ballistic missile tracking systems and deep sea sonar are kept as state secrets, scientists don’t have access to data about these objects. However, most of the contractors at DARPA are sure that there is a species more intelligent than homo sapiens living in the mantle of the Earth . . . It makes sense, if you think about it, because that is the only place where conditions have been more or less stable for billions of years. Extremophiles may live at different temperatures than us, but they have been able to thrive and develop intelligence at a seemingly accelerated rate. That’s not true, because they’ve simply evolved at the same rate, but without many of the vicissitudes which set back surface life . . . The president receives daily briefings about their activities, but analysts believe their technology is so far advanced that we stand little chance of survival in any potential war. The general sentiment is that we are but ants from their perspective, so there is little chance they would empathize or attempt to communicate with us, and the current contingency plan is to detonate nuclear weapons in deep caverns to ‘sting’ the foe we have no hope of destroying in hopes it would discourage further attacks.”
Edward Snowden unveiled SAURON, a network of satellites capable of spying on the entire planet’s surface and indefinitely retaining the images.
MOSCOW, Russia – Edward Snowden, the whistleblower who recently unveiled the NSA’s ubiquitous PRISM wiretapping program, unveiled yet another insidious, citizen-targeting surveillance system Friday afternoon, in a chat with Internet Chronicle reporters.
SAURON, or the Semi-Autonomous Ultra-high-Resolution Orbital Network, is comprised of a series of hundreds of low-orbiting cameras that can make out objects on the ground as small as 1 centimeter in size.
There are so many satellites in this network that they are able to effectively monitor the entire planet’s populated surface without interruption. According to slides Snowden shared, taken from the NSA presentation on SAURON, each spy satellite feeds directly into a data bank so large that it is able to retain the captured imagery indefinitely.
SAURON is also a reference to a villain in J.R.R. Tolkien’s “Lord of the Rings” trilogy, an evil god of discord who appears in the material world as an ever-searching eye.
Snowden, looking as if he hadn’t slept in weeks, spoke with Internet Chronicle reporters in the transit corridor of Moscow’s Sheremetyevo airport. In a near whisper Snowden said, “It is shocking that the U.S. government would appropriate such evil imagery for a so-called security system like this. There is little doubt that this program – I won’t utter the name here – is not concerned with the security of citizens, but rather, it is a bald grab at power for power’s sake.”
Hackers around the world have been searching for a home for their wayward comrade, Edward Snowden. Finally, it seems, they have settled on North Korea.
SEOUL, Republic of Korea – In response to a formal application for asylum on behalf of Edward Snowden, Kim Jong-un issued a statement offering the whistleblower not just asylum, but full North Korean citizenship. Snowden and his entourage, staffed mostly by WikiLeaks employees, were ecstatic at the news of a safe haven after 14 other countries had denied their applications.
“The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea promises to allow Edward Snowden to continue to leak anything he wants. We will provide him with many of the best top-secret hacking tools available in North Korea,” said a representative from the North Korean military.
“We are just so relieved that Snowden has finally found friendly shores,” said Glen Greenwild, the reporter who famously interviewed Edward Snowden in a Hong Kong hotel.
Snowden issued a statement written in Spanish, thanking North Korea for their commitment to freedom.