INTERNET - Susanne Brasko, Internet attorney at lawl, took down an article Saturday lambasting The Internet Chronicle’s pivotal role in the FBI raid on Aaron Bale. The article’s takedown coincides with the explosive release of Yung Danny Dantalion’s new hit single “Sue Basko – BASED FREESTYLE.”
Chronicle.su editors said they were hesitant to release Brasko’s threatening article before now. “But traditionally, when an article gets taken down, that’s our cue to ensure the integrity of the historical public record by putting it back up ourselves,” said Hatesec, staff writer for the Chronicle. “This is The Internet Chronicle, ENSURING everything you write online, is truly forever – just like our high school administration promised us it would be. Thanks, Blevins.”
The two-page article can be found below.
NOW PLAYING: Sue Basko – BASED FREESTYLE *RARE* Yung Danny Dantalion
MOSCOW - In his new video, a sleepy Edward Snowden demonstrated how to hack any website using only an iPhone and the RAM from a scientific calculator. With these new secrets, Snowden said, literally anyone in the world can carry out an attack on a government agency.
“You hear a lot of talk about TOR and VPNs,” he cautioned, “that’s what LulzSec used to do.” Snowden said use of TOR and VPNs is what blew LulzSec’s cover.
With this new method, he said, “You’re free to take on any government agency. You can carry out really any attack vector on any website … And once you’ve done that, you’re basically a hacker,” he said. “And you’re completely untraceable.”
INTERNET — Everything you thought you knew about hacking is bullshit.
After years of living underground, in refuge from the whitehat warlords, blackhat hackers will finally be eliminated in what is being dubbed the “Blackhat Holocaust.” What was once a rich and vibrant scene has been co-opted by the far right-left corporatarians, meaning dollar bills, fellas. Your hats are meaningless in the eyes of governments and corporations alike. All of your ideas, inventions, theories, exploits are being freely(at a cost) distributed amongst the wealthy to piss in the collective pool with.
The NSA are the biggest blackhats, man.
Your OPSEC is futile. You mull over the thousands of possibilities for event(x) out loud on twitter, while the blackhats laugh in the background. Such ugly schadenfreude; but their time has come.
The Internet Chronicles Chief Technology Officer and avid Biella Coleman fan, Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador elaborates: “Blackhats aren’t Anonymous, they aren’t carders, script kiddies, packeteers or those owning Linode for fun. Nay, they are something far more villainous.”
For about 15 years now, people touted whitehats as the enemy of the hacking community at large, but the real harbinger of destruction was the peddling of a deluded belief that being a blackhat meant you could still work for the government, you could still be a corporate lackey, you’d have to sell your soul, but you could still write your exploits… though you’d have to sell those too. Everyone needs money though, right? We understand.
Is there a way to overthrow the omnipresent blackhat hegemony? Absolutely! You must learn the ways of the blackhat, become a blackhat hacker, immerse yourself in all things blackhat. Write as many exploits as possible. You will be challenged though, oh you will be challenged. This task is not for the faint at heart or wallet. With your exploits comes the potential for sale to nation-state actors that will use your own tools against you, your friends and loved ones. You will be lured in by unimaginable riches, the wealth of a thousand kingdoms and oh the power, the mother fucking power! However grandiose it all may seem, don’t fuck your fellow hackers and citizens in the ass. Just don’t fucking do it.
The blackhats will come to you in many forms. It will happen this way: you will be coding… maybe the last sunny day of fall and an encrypted message will be sent to you from someone you know, perhaps even trust, and they will offer a smile, a becoming smile, but they will leave open the door to becoming a true blackhat and offer to give you a lift…
For this day: release your exploits, tools, techniques, everything you’ve ever learned! Destroy all of your 0day via disclosure or distribute them amongst the poor and impoverished! Take the power you collected through your quest for great knowledge and destroy it in one fell swoop.
Cum on them before they cum on you.
And then create something beautiful.
I suppose it doesn’t matter though, guys and dolls, because there’s a war going on and this war is prefixed with “cyber,” fellas. Buyin’ in, sellin’ out.
Edward Snowden’s Impossible Journey into Twitter
June 8, as the U.K.’s Guardian newspaper was disclosing the identity of the leaker of top-secret National Security Agency PowerPoint slides, I was just finishing up a blog post on the leaker’s revelations. Having contrasted and compared published slides with claims by public officials, and given an in-the-loop Washington Post‘s reporter’s rationale for their selective release, I had the distinct sense that I was already behind the curve. The leaker, former NSA employee Edward Snowden, had fled the country for Hong Kong by the time he handed over the slides to The Guardian and The Washington Post.
In an exclusive video interview with The Guardian from Hong Kong – where he is currently seeking asylum – Snowden made claims even more extraordinary than the slides themselves.
In their video interview, The Guardian immediately took to framing Snowden as a whistleblower. Yet Guardian – along with, again, The Washington Post‘s – staff have refused to release all of the information Snowden had requested they would.
NSA, said Snowden, “targets the communications of everyone.” He added, “While they may be intending to target someone associated with a foreign government or someone that they suspect of terrorism, they’re collecting [citizens'] communications to do so.”
At one point Snowden’s accounts of life inside seemed contradictory, such as when he asserted that “any analyst at any time can target anyone – any selector, anywhere.” Only a moment later he would claim “not all analysts have the ability to target everything.”
Snowden spoke of a ruthlessly vindictive intelligence community willing to assassinate for his dissidence, exposing what he sees as an abusive panopticon. In retribution, he claimed, U.S. authorities could very well “pay off the triads,” members of Hong Kong organized crime, to take his life, “however long that happens to be.”
Snowden defined a narrow set of NSA analysts, such as himself, with broad omniscience into society. “I sitting at my desk certainly have the authorities to wiretap anyone, from you or your accountant to a federal judge to even the president,” he told The Guardian‘s Greenwald, Laura Poitras and Ewen MacAskill.
Snowden denied that he was trying to harm the United States or aid it enemies. Had he really wanted to endanger the country, he said, he “could [have] shut down the surveillance system in an afternoon.”
Snowden’s extraordinary claims were bolstered in part by statements to the LA Times by former NSA and CIA counsel Robert Deitz, who said, “There are, from time to time, cases in which some [NSA] analyst is [angry] at his ex-wife and looks at the wrong thing and he is caught and fired.” Deitz did not imply that these abuses by NSA analysts resulted in any criminal prosecutions for payrolled megalomaniacs.
Immediately I intuited that oncoming media profiles of Snowden would descend far lower than mere allegations of treason or defection. Snowden’s earlier leak to The Guardian of a top-secret Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act Court memo had detailed not only Verizon’s release to the NSA of vast swaths of telephone records “wholly within” the United States. It confirmed the long-understood cooperation between electronic communications firms and the NSA in seeking out foreign intelligence information.
Quickly, I created a Twitter account with the closest possible match to Snowden’s name, @ejosephsnowden, and sought to begin a cartoonishly radical caricature of the e-dissident. To anyone who understood the implications of Snowden’s claims, the very existence of a Twitter account at all should have seemed impossible and thereby ironic. But how impossible would it seem to most, and how ironic? With that high-minded goal of watchdog journalism (to gauge media and public perception) along with an interest in finding some humor in a too-impulsive media environment, I began what would be a three-day mission of online sockpuppeteering. I was somewhat inspired by the FBI’s long campaign of using the Twitter account of hacker Hector Monsegur, or “Sabu” of LulzSec. Surely, some of the same tactics used to root out cybercriminals can be used in watchdog journalism.
You can read much of the tweeting content from early this week on The Internet Chronicle‘s updated Twitter account, where we have shamelessly co-opted the followers of the Snowden puppet. Although the marionette now sits here.
As the account quickly accelerated and peaked to 4,400 followers, I was struck by how many Twitter users were requesting that Twitter actually validate it. The pretense of such a request was that Twitter would somehow ascertain the identity of any actual Snowden, while somehow maintaining discretion with authorities as to the location of the hounded leaker. Despite assurances from those like Senate Majority Leaker Harry Reid (D-Nev.) that Snowden’s allegations of metadata monitoring weren’t anything “brand-new,” clearly many with half a mind to be interested in hearing from an NSA leaker had a rather breathtaking trust in the inviolability of trust Twitter kept with its end users. (Although to be fair, in the wake of PRISM’s having been revealed, Twitter claims it is as resistant as any communications firm to overreaching government requests.)
Additionally, striking is the number of people willing to thank Snowden openly, which – even should the old “Snowden” followers delete tweets or unfollow – I cannot imagine not having some effect in the future on their attaining clearances in the course of future employment with the federal government, the largest single domestic employer. Several people accused me of working for the CIA or the NSA, which is ludicrous, to my knowledge. Yet it was also illustrative of just how jaundiced these agencies’ reputations are.
In the course of his writings at Guardian and Salon, Greenwald has gone to great lengths to undermine the left-right narrative, and his own political connections add great credence to that. Those connections run the gamut, from contributions to the libertarian Cato Institute, to remarks given to an International Socialist Organization conference. Greenwald’s diverse affiliations are key to understanding the partisan political divide that surrounds outrage, when it occurs, over surveillance overreach.
In 2006, at the height of the last decade’s previous warrantless NSA controversy, a Pew poll highlighted acquiescence from 75 percent of Republicans and 37 percent of Democrats. On the other hand the past month’s revelations have yielded 64 percent approval on the issue from Democrats and 52 percent from Republicans. Whichever administration doing the monitoring appears to have a pretty serious influence on whether people feel like getting mad.
It was for this reason that my Ed Snowden was to be of what William Buckley termed the “fever swamps.” Heavily ideological, conspiracy-bent libertarians have an extremely ubiquitous online presence, and in the current climate, tend to lean Republican on foreign policy. (For example, Republicans made up a slight majority of the opposition to the Obama-era no-fly zone in Libya, and doubtless any upcoming Syria no-fly zone.) I knew there was going to be a lot of momentum to attempt to try Snowden in the public sphere—a mob mentality for which I have no regard whatsoever, even for the filthiest of criminals.
Former Mother Jones national security editor Adam Weinstein remarked on Twitter, “[T]he solipsism of a young white male libertarian IT guys … is a real problem.”
When as “Snowden,” I started tweeting support for Ron Paul, I had not yet actually heard that Snowden was a supporter of the former congressman and perennial, long-shot president hopeful. Weinstein referenced a stereotype that deserved lampooning, and so I, along with some help from Chronicle correspondent Jaime Cochran, took to the puppet with conspiratorial banter. It is unfortunate that, for much of the general public, anyone who would do what Snowden did would have to be an absolute sociopath. Billy Walshe, or “Kilgore,” had long ago set up a Greenwald sock puppet (@ggreenwild), subsequently shuttered by Twitter. We used that to endow the Snowden puppet with a veneer of undeserved credibility, mostly piloted by Walshe himself.
Even though Greenwald and WikiLeaks had disavowed the Snowden puppet (Greenwald, repeatedly and explicitly) the Snowden and Greenwald puppets apparently duped journalists, including Rosie Gray of Buzzfeed, a former Reuters social media editor, Boing Boing co-editor Cory Doctorow, David Shuster, a co-author of a book with Glenn Beck, and Reason editor Nick Gillespie. I won’t bother denying some degree of tap-dancing schadenfreude at that.
On the other hand, my three-day campaign of feigned anarcho-capitalist lunacy should serve as a warning of Nellie Bly magnitude to journalists and news junkies alike. As this news and entertainment outlet has painstakingly sought to demonstrate, a Brave New Internet demands greater incredulity from the media-consuming public. The Answer will never be that media networks as large as Twitter endeavor to root out impostors or screen for disinformation any more than they screen for the ill-informed. Just as time and experience has lessened susceptibility to (the not benign) 419 scams, the same will have to happen for Twitter users desperate for the ground-level scoop and click bait.
While the Post‘s Barton Gellman had told me that some of the data Snowden handed over was classified for good reason (I can’t know this, but we’ll never hear a admission like that in those terms, even if true, from Glenn Greenwald), it was important to point out, via the puppet, that we’ll always rely on some estate, first or fourth, to filter our data. Maybe the Snowden data the Post and The Guardian are withholding are dangerous if disclosed to the public. For now it’s a subject of speculation, speculation based on conversations that took place between these newspapers and the government before even the three (or in The Guardian‘s case, four) PowerPoint slides went public. But established journalists will always have an interest in maintaining access, daresay staying out of jail for espionage; and those motives may or may not happen to line up with the public’s right to know. Especially when the Fourth Amendment is on the line.
Certainly, Snowden’s personal life is about to get a serious snow job—and one treated with far wider credulity than any Twitter puppet.
Not long into the course of my sockpuppeteering, as Weinstein referenced, New York Times columnist David Brooks would not disappoint, disparaging the leaker for, of all things, not finishing high school and for being mildly rude to a neighbor once. Just as Frontline hyped Bradley Manning’s homosexuality as a factor in his decision to leak, and the media allowed Julian Assange’s alleged sex crimes in Sweden to overshadow legal threats he faced from the Justice Department, the media was sure to be hungry for some red meat, beyond anything high-minded, to explain Snowden’s leaks. Thus widespread banter about matters as insipid as the attractiveness of his ex-girlfriend.
The tabloid chum has and will spread in the waters of public discourse, from sources as serious as paper of record, which the public should have good reason to take with more credibility than an unverified Twitter account. As red as blind anger, the chum will obscure the prescient debate that must be had about the meaning of the Fourth Amendment in a technologically evolving, if not “advancing,” world. We must be sure that it does not attract the real sharks, those complicit in the abuse of power, power needed to protect Americans.
#GropeCrew has highlighted the tense and predatory sexual atmosphere at Nerd Conventions.
DALLAS — A group of dedicated trolls have taken to the Twitter hashtag #GropeCrew, expressing their desire to fondle women in skimpy anime costumes at the A-Kon anime convention. Sexual harassment and assault at similar conventions has been a topic of recent outrage and discussion, and some conventions like DEF CON have gone as far as issuing “yellow cards” as warnings to harassers.
These types of conventions are a haunting ground of sex-deprived nerds, who swarm in the thousands to meet so-called “booth babes,” or hypersexualized women in costumes who inhabit the dangerous intersection between childish sexual fantasies and anime fandom. Groping, harassment and even sexual assault are extremely common at conventions like A-Kon; and despite the tongue-in-cheek tone of #GropeCrew, the targeting of specific booth babes has hit a raw nerve.
“I’m tired of being eye-raped by teenage nerds every time I dress up as a sexy cartoon character,” said one anonymous booth babe. “I’m thinking of sitting out the next convention. This year has been a paranoid nightmare since the Grope Crew tweeted my picture.”
Supporters of the #GropeCrew say that they’re merely highlighting a problem that needs to be addressed, while most others seem to believe the atmosphere of sexual conflict at the A-Kon convention has only become more negatively charged because of their antics.
Some #rustleleague Twitter accounts were unfairly suspended Wednesday, rustling the jimmies of several prominent micro-bloggers belonging to the underground hate group #rustleleague.
While it is rumored the notorious #rustleleague are involved in illegal activities, there is no evidence to suggest malicious activity more offensive than DDoS attacks or SQL injections – known locally as script kiddie bullshit.
Jaime Cochran, who was recently ousted from #rustleleague has reclaimed her place at the upper echelon of #hatesec and other charity organizations known for contributing varying degrees of asshurt. Cochran, formerly (and presently) under the ire of #rustleleague hatefags, was most recently removed from the pro-Israel #rustleleague FBI chatroom for fame-fagging at Weev’s federal court hearing by repeatedly yelling the word ‘dicks.’
What an asshole.
Is this man th3j35t3r? Critical Thinking and Psychology Books resoundingly say YES.
FRHIDLEY, Minnesota — A recent chatlog between patriotic hacker th3j35t3r and the lying serial pedophile accuser John Thiessen was published on Thiessen’s blog, detailing the hacker’s firm and brutal grasp on Thiessen’s cojones. After this chat, John Thiessen posted a video in which he said, “I am a sad old man on the internet trollin’ people to make me feel better,” as th3j35t3r commanded, and even added, in third-person, “John Tiessen lied about th3j35t3r.” When confronted about the lies by Internet Chronicle journalists, Thiessen mysteriously quoted Scarface, who said, “I always tell the truth, even when I lie.”
Tiessen posted a video Monday, in which he said, “I don’t believe in any governments . . . I like Russia Today!” When questioned on his hypocritical support for Russian State Media, Thiessen flew into a rage and admitted he was th3j35t3r. “I AM the world’s greatest troll! I’m th3j35t3r! th3j35t3r is a molester because he’s me!”
Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, Psychologist and author of Critical Thinking For Complete Idiots, said, “John Thiessen is a mind-controlled hypnotized zombie who has been given a multiple personality disorder by government agents. He receives commands subliminally hidden within the music of Ric Veda.”
“I’ve been brainwashed for 52 years,” Thiessen said, “The reason you can’t see the forest through the trees is the trees are the forest! . . . There are evil spirits, Beelzebub, dividing all the movements. There are bots out there. They’re doing it people. They’ve infiltrated all the PTA groups and even the Boyscouts.” Thiessen then began sobbing and grabbing his crotch before he condemned himself in third person, and broke halfway into th3j35t3r’s persona. “Stay Frosty! Tick tock! Ric Veda Loves You!’
INTERNET, TWITTER–Today fans of Anti-trolling blogging group the GNAA(Gay Nigger Association of America) were appalled to see their micro-blogging heroes troll unsuspecting victims with satirical rhetoric and what some would call the “weird twitter” phenomenon.
The tweets came from GNAA members @DUTCHMINATI and @methadonna, both well known anti-trolling bloggers were caught multiple times today trolling twitter users with satirical tweets that can only be construed as trolling.
Blogger DUTCHMINATI trolls twitter with banal tweets about life.
Throughout their long, rich history of being the foremost leaders in blogging, blogging technology and anti-trolling tactics, none of the GNAA have ever publicly trolled until now. This marks a milestone in the history of the internet and is a disgrace to all anti-trolls everywhere.
@methadonna trolls with his over enthusiastic excitement for a shit album,
Kill yr idols.
Cambria Suites at 2pm on March 2nd, “Trick” did not show up to defend himself from the haters.
ROANOKE, VA–Saturday, Chronicle.SU reporters were at Cambria Suites for Patrick “Trick” Shouse’s press conference, but “Trick” was nowhere to be seen. “Trick” was to address haters and explain himself after his “Tattoo Marathon” Facebook event upset local Tattoo enthusiasts. After inquiring with the front desk, we learned no such event had been scheduled.
Since Thursday, when news broke “Trick” was hosting a “Tattoo Party” in his hotel room, tattoo fans across America and Canada have commented on Shouse’s poor work and the unsanitary conditions of his apartment. Addison Shouse, Patrick’s identical twin, has been acting as spokesperson and posting threats of violence to Facebook in a vain attempt to put an end to criticism of “Trick.” However, Trolling analyst Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador said this was just like throwing gasoline onto a fire, “Talking shit on Facebook proves you can’t back your shit up, so it really just excites the trolls.”
Addison Shouse has become totally unhinged, threatening violence at anything that moves.
Patrick “Trick” Shouse’s identical twin posts alleged fines, eviction, and warrants.
Addison posted an image of several documents taped to the front door of his apartment, allegedly representing an eviction, a fine from the health department, other code violations, and a summons to court. While it is not clear whether these are legitimate documents or not, one commenter who claims he reported the incidents to the Shouses’ landlord said the eviction was already pending due to non-payment.
It remains unclear what will happen next, but the Shouse brothers seem upbeat and ready to “bone it to LA” so they can start their lives over in peace. At one point, Addison Shouse attempted to play the Tattoo Marathon off as a joke, but in the very same thread Trick’s Baby’s Momma made it clear that this had indeed become a very unfunny custody issue. Addison’s girlfriend has been publicly supportive, but after facing criticism aimed at her motherhood, she has since changed her sexy facebook avatar over to a more conservative and motherly portrayal of her cradling her sweet baby. She also quoted many bible verses, despite claiming to not be a Christian.
Bank of America is Anonymous
INTERNET — Early Monday morning, the loosely knit collective of teenagers known as Anonymous was able to string together enough sentences to “kinda” make a press release for one of their greatest achievements since not hacking Stratfor: Releasing the data of Bank of America defense contractor, TEKSystems.
AnonForecast, current leader of the Legion sector of Anonymous, is likely the one who carried out this operation, considering everything revolves around him somehow.
The release comes as a shock to the intelligence hacker and activist communities alike, as we begin to peel back the layers and realize that everything posted on a Pastebin or tweeted is, in fact, true. Shockingly enough, it’s quite possible that everything ever posted on the internet could be true, says fabled neck-beard Richard Stallman, “We are at time where information has become so compressed, so fluid, like the thoughts of a child, the flap of a butterflies wings or the ripples in still water, that it’s impossible to write anything fallacious on the internet.”
As we all know, Stallman, in recent years, began developing his own religion on his completely open-source laptop made by Chinese children, so he cannot be lying.
Josh the God just doesn’t give a fuck.
Hosted on Anonymous’ very own leak platform Par-AnoiA.net, the dump has a list of keywords that one could only assume are used by TEKSystems’ advanced spider bot detection system. Many activists were elated to find their names embedded in the list, most notably: megalomaniac hacker Jacob Appelbaum. He waxed Monday, amid defamatory shouts calling him a plagiarist and phony: “This is something I would have never expected, citizens spying upon citizens. The panopticon grows, but I’m glad I got name-dropped.”
While the leak is riddled with irrefutable truths, one group in particular is doxed turbo hard from information gleaned from Pastebin: UGNazi. Fabled hacker, carder and Nazi @JoshTheGod is named as Josh Mendez, a.k.a. Blake Bronstad, which we all know as true considering he was arrested in 2012 under the obvious alias “Mir Islam.”
Stratfor isn’t the only private contractor news publication on lots and lots of Xanex.
Cosmo is also named in the Pastebin, which of course is correct, because who’s to argue since his name was never released to the public due to his minor status.
In their teaser file, Anonymous highlights some really fantastic nostalgia that reminds us all about the days of yore, when people said “lulz” and HBGary took to the IRCs to stick it to Anonymous. This lovely, readable word salad would make Aaron Barr’s hiking boots swelter, as if his loins were moistening at the sight of “t-asshurtmacfags” breasts.
Noted activist, speed walker and writer Kenneth Lipp gets fingered as the great @Jackal[Anon], a.k.a. @YourAnonNews, the ringleader of Anonymous. How can one confirm this? Simply visit the Wikipedia rival site encyclopediadramatica.se’s entry on JackalAnon and see for yourself. Confirmed.
All in all, this release is nothing more than the Stratfor leak on a handful of xannie bars. However it does highlight the accuracies of what one could only identify as the greatest intelligence source of all time: Pastebin.