Sony shuts down PSN, saves billions and blames Anonymous

Yesterday, Sony purposefully shut down its own Playstation Network servers to save itself billions in operating costs. This move was shrouded with rumors that Anonymous has yet again resorted to the unpopular DDoS attacks that led to the failed “boycott” of Sony products on April 16th. Sony, as always, has made a meaningless and vague statement about their network status in an attempt to counter any blame.

Despite their own miserable failure with Sony, Anonymous has not even had time to come up with a new strategy. In fact, Anonymous has entirely lost interest in wasting their time on Sony. Playstation 3 owners have reactivated their violent urges which are at a steady boiling point without Call of Duty: Black Ops. The last bastion of truly free press, AnonNews.org, has been under sporadic DDoS attacks that may have originated from “Sonyfags” or the Playstation Network itself.

Now with a scapegoat for all future network outages, Sony is free to mistreat their own user base without discretion. Sony currently has a plan in the works to create paid Playstation “Gold” accounts that will not suffer from network outages which disable completely unrelated services such as Netflix and Skype. This strategy is consistent with Reddit’s current “downtime” that allows only paid Reddit “Gold” accounts the ability to log in.

Free information and net neutrality is dying at the altar of Anonymous, as I have predicted. Public opinion is being manipulated by the global oligarchs who control multi-national corporations like Sony. The people are being whipped into a hate-storm that can only end with mass vannings of the Anonymous collective.

UPDATE: Sony has admitted that the database of personal information on PSN has been compromised. Anonymous sides with the users of PSN in filing a class action lawsuit against the incompetence of Sony!

185 comments to Sony shuts down PSN, saves billions and blames Anonymous

  • DooM

    dadieda sony is da wooooorrrrst bullshit. the writer of this p.o.s. is an idiot nothing more

  • John Stamos

    LulzSec:
    “It’s a fair point you raise, to say we aren’t as good as we once were. The truth is that you aren’t as good as you used to be. You have failed to follow the story arc of the internet, and are being left behind in a stoned, meditative state.”

    I only get high on weekends:)

  • John Stamos

    ps
    i feel, this being the chronicle, i should point out i’m VERY aware it isn’t your job as writers to satisfy me. my point in saying that was that you used to…

  • John Stamos

    lol everyone replied but you “rupert murdoch”
    your rebuttle

  • Anonymous

    i dont believe any of your stories haha

    • I don’t believe I give a fuck what you believe.

      -Editor

      • John Stamos

        in your endless quest for “teh lulz” it seems you have lost track. i can’t say for sure what you wanted from this site when you started it, but was this really it?

        i used to enjoy every post. maybe i’ve changed, its possible. i feel you need to sit down, smoke a blunt, drink a beer, and think about where this site is going. until you recognize how big this webpage could be, it will never get there.

        i realize my rant is oddly heartfelt and quite redundant, but take it as a friend trying to help, not a troll, or as someone who doesn’t recognize this specific brand of comedy.

        love,
        John Skittles McStarbust Stamos

        • Sure. What should we do? And why is this a reply to my comment? Are you the same person who wrote “haha i dont believe any of your stories’ because if you are, that’s two useless comments so far, and I gotta feeling strike 3 is coming.

          Tell me, oh great and honorable John Stamos, how to change the Chronicle.SU and make it “big.”

          • John Stamos

            no i’m not the same person.
            i feel i should reinterate that i don’t know what you want from your site.
            there is a bad habbit of attacking people intellectually here, which doesn’t bother me. but i think you spend too much time defending your post while also making fun of the idiots.
            again, i used to enjoy this site quite a lot, i’ve read nearly every article, and recently i’m disappointed.
            you’ll probably take no heed of anything i say, which i understand that. there are very few people, if any, that i actually “listen” to.
            i just think you should know my criticism comes from a love of what do combined with a dislike for what you’ve become.
            i’m not going to try to tell you what you should do, i’m simply asking, is this really what you wanted it to be? i had bigger visions for it when i first started visiting, surely you hoped for more as well.
            maybe you need ibogaine and an isolation chamber to figure it out. if so, go for it.

            with love,
            the great and honorable John Skittles McStarburst Stamos

            • Truther

              i liked the cronical when they were cool, before they sold out to the bitcoin scam.

            • John Stamos

              the worst part is i almost know they’ll think i’m trolling or have some hidden agenda, because thats what they look for. they seem to have trouble taking things literally. i think it might have something to do with this site actually. they’ve become engrossed in this fake satire sarcastic trolling not trolling bitcoin anonymous wikileaks world. its as if they’re sense of reality is distorted. thats why i suggested ibogaine, and perhaps meditation

              • Anonymous

                sir, your critique lacks substance. as such, it has been deemed a failtroll.

                • John Stamos is an ibogaine addict the likes of which Edmund Muskie could never keep up with. Failtroll!? Maybe. Sir, we have a sense of reality, but we live in an alternate one you may not recognize. As a de facto journalist for posterity, the fictional world of Chronicle.SU is built upon our ever changing frame of reference. You may donate bitcoins by clicking my name, and we will use them to purchase ibogaine because of our unconditional love for drugs. All are trolls who post upon Chronicle.SU!

                  • This.

                    UPDATE:
                    I’ll give you a fair answer since I know what you’re getting at.

                    I guess I would like to see the Chronicle.SU “funnier,” as in not just inside jokes that only we get, or think is funny; however, when we set out telling jokes and realized what kind of website we are making, we knew not everyone would go along with it, and we knew only a handful of people who come across the site will really follow us. We never had any aspirations of becoming The Onion II, either.

                    But what i hear you telling me is that you read the site regularly, often and thoroughly – and you carry this gut feeling that we have more potential than we reach for, and you’d like to see us doing much better than we are – we could be more poignant, spot-on, hilarious and relevant. I agree.

                    That is why I asked for your input, and not a reiteration of what you first said. But I think above is the problem if you really want to discuss the creative process: connecting our talents seamlessly to our convictions and clarity of understanding of the world around us.

                    That goes back to what Billy said. I think there’s a specific truth that not even underground news agencies can put their fingers on, and to fill in those gaps we must invent conspiracies or play up those which already exist. This, too, can be satirical and I’ve never seen anyone push absurdity to the limits that Kilgore Trout has, and still keep it funny. Maybe that’s because I know him personally and understand his sense of humor better than anyone else in the world. And maybe you’re right that he and I don’t do a good enough job bringing you in on the joke. But that’s not our problem. We don’t have bosses breathing down our necks. We don’t have advertisers demanding more readers before they pull our pensions. And our lives don’t magically improve even if we nail the shit out of our favorite subjects. We only have each other. And if we enjoy that more than you enjoy reading it, then the most direct response to your question would be: Yes, this is what I wanted. [And your snide remarks which I do appreciate by the way, and to the contrary do not feel the need to defend myself against. You are however the first person to question us so coherently.]

                    We’ve been talking about a visual overhaul that would not necessarily take the site in a new direction, but improve upon the direction it’s already going; for instance, we love playing up the purported glory of Police States, failing governments that insist upon their own omnipotence, and the virtues of unrestrained Capitalism. I think a new site design that appeared sleeker, shinier and more Web 3.0 would do well to glorify the technological enslavement of mankind if at the same time we created some more ads that put a positive light on entities like OPEC, NATO, Time Warner, anti-P2P corporations and the NSA surveillance supercomputer.

                  • LulzSec

                    I think our main problem is that the socio-economic discrepancies exacerbated by media psychosis and western absolutist thought tied to christian upbringing has led Conservapedia to certain doom, while Wikipedia has entered a completely anarchic state.

                    It’s a fair point you raise, to say we aren’t as good as we once were. The truth is that you aren’t as good as you used to be. You have failed to follow the story arc of the internet, and are being left behind in a stoned, meditative state.

                    Meanwhile, Social Media is now able to predict your preference for a mate 33% of the time, and will soon close in on 100%. As such, we must face Barrett Brown down and watch as weaponized Social Media takes the place of prisons.

                    I would love to fuck Boxxy

                  • LulzSec

                    We never had any potential, btw.

                • John Stamos

                  lolol kilgore. you used to be my favorite.

                  @MediaMogul:
                  that was the first genuine response i’ve ever received on this site, and for that i say thank you.
                  At one point it almost brought a tear to my eye, at others i laughed.
                  i realize i won’t get all of your jokes, and i realize that you and other writers control this site, with no corporate input, and with financial gain likely the furthest thing from your minds, and that i appreciate, because it’s quite rare and i think you’ll agree.
                  but notice the response kilgore gave.
                  it’s funny, i “luld” but i dont think he sees where i’m coming from. i think you, “rupert” might.
                  haha sleeker 3.0??? that was funny. but i think you also know that isn’t what i’m suggesting at all. again i don’t want to suggest anything, i don’t know how to run a site or i would doing so.

                  just keep in mind, while what you do is good, and often funny, there are people out there, very few, that see the world or the universe or the cosmos or existence, whatever you call it, in a similiar way as you do. while “teh lulz” are great, i recognize you and old brutus, and now to a lesser extent kilgore, as individuals perhaps more intelligent than myself. i posses a certain ability and even lust for abstract thought. i thrive off intellectual stimulation. i guess that is where my problem with the chronicle comes into play…i’m no longer being satisfied.
                  you all seem so wrapped up in trolling or failtrolling and everything like it, personally i think it’s annoying.
                  i’ve probably rambled a lot in this response, if so, i apologize, i’m pretty fucking distracted.

                  oh ya, you made statements in your response that reminded me of Dead Prez lyrics, i thought that was kinda cool.

                  anyway, good luck on your quest for “teh lulz” i hope you find them. i plan to continue visiting this site, simply because i know tomorrow i could get on and not see the word troll anywhere. i can hope right?

                  love,
                  John S.M. Stamos

      • Anonymous

        Nope Chloe is queen obviously