The Superions

In a far away galaxy there was a small planet orbiting a small star. The planet was inhabited by a very successful creature that considered itself so intelligent as to be above all other life forms. They called themselves the Superions. The Superions had been able to harness fire for a very long time and made devices that used fire to do just about anything.

The Superions considered themselves more evolved than the other life forms on the planet despite the fact that all forms had evolved for the same amount of time from a single organism. A long time ago, a group of protoSuperions gathered around a fire and decided that they were no longer going to behave like the other life forms.

Competition drove all life to evolve and change, but Superions went mad with it. They killed eachother for fire and enslaved eachother out of what they called mercy. They delighted in driving large herds of Jerro-Jerro off of cliffs when they were able to consume or otherwise use no more than one percent of the deceased matter. Jerro-Jerro are now extinct. Superions built enormous fires of living vegetable matter to appease their Gods and prove time and time again that vegetable matter could not compete.

Superions created a scoring system in which each individual was rewarded points for successful acts of competition. These points were exchanged between Superions so that each individual could specialize in a certain field of competition and become very good at it. Some Superions were not very good at normal kinds of competition, so they began to compete at manipulating the point system itself. They took points from others in exchange for the service of transferring points and made a creative pursuit out of manipulating the points in their favor. This was called Freeism. Some Superions rejected Freeism and felt that the points would be better if distributed evenly. Those Superions who were made responsible for distributing the points of course gave as many as they could to themselves. This was called Sharism.

The Sharists called the Freeists greedy, and the Freeists called the Sharists crooked. They were both right. Different Superions simply used different ideas to trick eachother into giving away their points. Superions who gathered points for the sake of gathering points never gave them away at all except in efforts to gain more points. The most effective type of competition was to find a region of the planet where Superions were generally disliked by Superions from other regions. Sharists and Freeists disliked eachother, and both had gained many points. With clever exploitation of this enmity and an appropriate application of their points, they made and lost points to each other many times. Billions of Superions died thinking they were fighting for Freeism or Sharism and did not realize they were only trying to gain points for their masters.

One day, a smart Superion realized that the Superions with most of the points were not successful at any real kind of competition. They were just criminal tricksters who would rather see the world die than stop acquiring points. A long time later, a smarter Superion realized that he must also be a trickster in order to fix this broken point system. He sat down and spent the most important half hour of Superion history writing a story about aliens called Humans in a far away galaxy with the ridiculous name of Milky Way. Humans had a thing called money, very similair to the Superion point system. The Human beings in his story used their money to create a new kind of fire that was much more effective and dangerous. He absurdly called this new kind of fire Nuclear Fission. Humans could eradicate entire regions of Earth with less money than ever before. The Humans with a lot of money bought so many Nuclear Fission devices that they inevitably destroyed themselves in an effort to take money from each other. A lot of Superions read this story and eventually decided to create a limit to the point system. No Superion could ever get more than a certain amount of points. They were still able to gain a lot of points, but not enough to destroy themselves like those stupid made up Humans.