Man Patiently Waits For JNCOs To Be Cool Again

Juggalo

Tom and his JNCOs

Roanoke, Va.–”I used to wear these in middle school, when everybody was doing it. We’d put these jeans on and quietly sit expanding our consciousnesses to Coal Chamber, KoRn, and Insane Clown Posse,” said unemployed Thomas Cranwell, 25, inside his mother’s home where he still resides.

Instead of waiting for the late-90s style to return, experts say he should start hanging out with the right people.

“Still highly sought after by juggalos, JNCOs are the rarest type of jeans found in goodwill,” said InDesign TV’s fashion expert Claude Montagne.

The world's largest pair of JNCO's

“They look like a skirt, sometimes, or like a pair of shorts for a giant,” said Montagne, adding, “You drop something in the pockets of a JNCOs and you can forget about it.”

JNCOs were easy to spot in the late 90′s, and were typically held up with one hand while the other hand swayed out at a 45-degree angle, as if the wearer was constantly battling the urge to stiff-arm imaginary children.

The Lee Pipes model, ex-competitor to JNCO, no longer extends ten feet outward in all directions. Following hipster fashion, Lee Pipes now makes skinny, constrictive jeans for people who are just now getting on board.

JNCO’s doctors and lawyers warn against this particular style of jeans, citing reproductive issues as a cause for concern.

“Any male who wears these constrictive jeans for too long risks severe damage to his scrotum, penis, and even the vas deferens,” said El Wax Research Department, Berkeley, California Chairman Dr. Langstrom T. Armstrong, expert in Urology.

“Vas deferens?” he added incredulously, “How do they work!?”

The vas deferens is an eighteen inch tube carrying sperm from the epididymis to the ejaculatory ducts. Or, as Insane Clown Posse explains it: “Miracles.”

“Magic everywhere in this bitch.”

-ICP

Thomas Cranwell said he will hang onto the jeans for at least another decade, holding out either for a relapse in fashion sense or for an open letter of apology from the JC Penny’s that sold him the pants.

“In the meantime,” he said, “I pick a particularly tough day after work and wear them as an aid to my sense of well-being.”

15 comments to Man Patiently Waits For JNCOs To Be Cool Again

  • the dude

    dude, does eny body know what pair specificity what pair of jnco jeans was in dat 2nd pic?! if so please respond

    • ICP

      Those jncos were designed specifically by Eddie Bauer for upper middle class white children in the mid – late nineteen nineties, in one of the most imperceptible wars on youth credibility since the Reagan administration.

      • Oh, Jesus Moar!

        If we had people of this intelligence obsessively commenting at least three times a day, well, that’d be something great.

  • Tim

    JNCO is nigger apparel.

  • Chris

    eBay has those bad ass skunk jnco jeans for like 80 buck gonna get that shit my next payday lmao love juncos they do need to bring back the old school original jnco jeans miss them so much but yeah eBay amazon and a couple other sights have jnco jeans a lot of them shirts hoodies jerseys all the goods on jnco

  • Matt from PA

    Brah I’m still rocken JNCO’s I just wish I had a new pair of those 23 inch wide legged jnco skunks with the stripe on the side, the skunk patch on the front pocket and the rebel flag tag on the back.. Best pair of pants ever fuckin made ):