Ronny Nitro, on February 25th, 2009
WILMINGTON, NC — In a stunning and completely untragic turn of events today, Comet Lunin, approaching it’s closest distance from the Earth’s surface, has unexpectedly landed unharmed in a local suburban backyard. Authorities were quick to the scene but even quicker to leave upon learning of the comet’s well-being.
“We’re just glad the comet wasn’t hurt,” stated Chief of Police, Jim Deaverson. “I mean, it’s not everyday a comet lands in your city. I’m honored really,” Deaverson added while photographing the crash site with a cellular telephone camera. “Awesome.”
While Comet Lunin may have landed safely, an unluckier bystander was fatally smashed/combusted as the comet crashed directly on his plane of existence. Sources unanimously claim that the victim “just shouldn’t have been standing there.” Although this is a seemingly tragic story, Sgt. Deaverson has urged concerned citizens to overlook the sole fatality and instead focus on the “shear awesomeness” of comet crash.
I’m glad no heavenly bodies were hurt!