David Miranda unveils Loch Ness Monster Coverup

David Miranda announced the UK's ongoing cover-up of the Loch Ness Monster.

David Miranda announced the UK’s ongoing cover-up of the Loch Ness Monster.

LONDON — After landing in Heathrow, Glenn Greenwild’s life partner David Miranda had his electronic devices confiscated and was cavity searched under UK terrorism law. Authorities accused Miranda of carrying documents that were intended to aid a terrorist organization.

Miranda held an impromptu press conference with Greenwild, telling reporters, “The files that I was carrying contained secret details of the Loch Ness Monster that have been suppressed by the Royal Navy for decades. The Navy has tamed some of these species of ancient underwater dinosaur because they are highly intelligent.”

Greenwild, grinning to reporters, narrated a slide show of official government photos from the secret “Nessie Training Facility” in the Shetlands, where the animals have been genetically engineered for salt water. “I’m no biologist,” said Greenwild, “but introducing a highly intelligent and potentially invasive holdover from the cretaceous back into the oceans might be something the public should know about.”

Miranda and Greenwild french kissed after Miranda told reporters, “This ordeal has only brought us closer together than ever.”

2 comments to David Miranda unveils Loch Ness Monster Coverup

  • partypants

    The United States, through the NSA, found Miranda’s name and credentials popping op on more than a few NASers desk. They alerted the UK that a potential link to a terrorist cell was in their country. When the UK spotted him at heathrow, they phoned the US letting them know, and the US graciously gave the go ahead to detain and question him.

    I love how the UK officials botched it, and now the US is stepping way back saying that one… is on you little bro

  • Cho Rizo

    Sonntagmorgen, 11 Uhr Ortszeit,
    der Gottesdienst ist aus, und er tritt aus der Tür.
    Er winkt und lächelt, das gleiche Lächeln seit Jahren – seit Jahren.
    Die Glocken läuten, er küßt zwei Kinder.
    Links und rechts von ihm ein schwarzer und ein weißer Polizist.
    Der Wagen wartet, rettendes Panzerglas, noch 20 Meter – noch 20 Meter.
    Die Bilder wackeln, da ist die Zeitlupe, da sind die Schüsse, wir sehen, wie er wankt und stürzt, ein Gesicht vor der Kamera, der Ton reißt ab.
    Berge von Irren in der Republik,
    mein Gott, sie haben ihn erwischt.
    Was ist das für ein Land?
    Der Präsident ist tot…