ATLANTA–Alana Thompson, known to millions as “Honey Boo Boo,” passed away Tuesday morning from medical problems related to childhood obesity. She was seven. Grieving family members have forsworn their poor diets and addiction to energy drinks. “We ain’t drinkin’ that poison go go juice no more. They dun’ took little Honey Boo Boo Child away, and they ain’t gonna take no more of us,” said June “Mama” Shannon.
The nation has turned its attention to its diet in light of this tragedy, and calls to outlaw dangerous soft drinks have flooded legislators. “Soda is killing our children, and they are our future. We’re going to have to either tax or outlaw sugary drinks,” said Joe Biden.
Some critics are skeptical about these calls for a crackdown on unhealthy drinks. Nutritional expert Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador said, “The death of this child, it’s a tragedy, but I don’t believe she died because of soft drinks. Soft drinks bring vigor and pep to everyday life and cleanse the mouth of dangerous rot. If anything, it was all that spaghetti, ketchup, and butter. Nothing good can come of a high calorie diet so devoid of nutrients.”