INTERNAL FBI SOURCE: ‘th3j35t3r is . . . ‘

jesterdefeatschronicle 300x2361 INTERNAL FBI SOURCE: th3j35t3r is . . .

FBI Confidential Informant: “We’re busy with other things, Chronicle, so here’s th3j35t3r.”

WASHINGTON — Tuesday morning The Internet Chronicle’s press release email list slowed to a crawl, as an internal FBI source said it wished to step forward and finger to the Washington Bureau neoconservative and militant zionist criminal hacker “th3j35t3r” once and for all.

However, as The Internet Chronicle has noted, “th3” j35t3r is in fact a collective. Here are the members of that collective, in no particular order:
Linda Sutton
Laura Walker
Debra Walker
Robin Jackson
Tom Ryan (an interview with Mr. Ryan here)
U.K. Resident Mark Walker

In coordination throughout 2011 targeting Islamic fundamentalists’ sites, journalists at WikiLeaks, and various others among the American cybersecurity press, including The Internet Chronicle. Now they do not hack anything at all, says the Internet Chronicle confidential informant, but engage in never-ending self-congratulations.

The internal FBI source seemed to find a personal breaking point in the group’s willingness to try to financially exploit the hacker’s “patriot” image, as tons of Special Forces operators seemed all too happy to imagine that there was one among their numbers, a SEAL, retired and fighting the good fight against Islamic extremists. Unfortunately these service peoples’ golden calf was just that. Now a confidential informant from within the FBI has confirmed that th3j35t3r is a group of civilians who have never shed a drop or blood or urea fighting Pashtuns in the high mountains of Southwest Asia.

9 comments to INTERNAL FBI SOURCE: ‘th3j35t3r is . . . ‘

  • th3j35t3r

    I have 50,000 twitter followers, mang! I am FAMUSS! Not like that lulzsecs guy I am always harassing, he only has half a billion followers, that isn’t shit compared to my glorius patriotic self.

    All of you exist just to troll me. get off my timeline, it is only for those who love and respect my important DOD-sanctioned operations against random skids who are all secretly al Qaeda. Please click that link I DMed you, it’s very important! I promise not to record your ip address.

    Will somebody please send me some bitcoins? I’m hungry. Don’t make me eat this dog.

    CLEVER
    SIGNOFF,

    Tommy

  • Danny Badger

    Soooooo evidence? proof? or more of the same insane and dangerous ramblings of a known internet troll who’s been ‘after’ the elusive Jester for years, to no avail.

    ‘Confidential FBI informant’? Oh really? This website still churning out blatant lies as usual trying to emulate TheOnion – very silly.

    • th3j35t3r

      I am the bestest at hiding from people. None of these e-detective can find me, just like they can’t find Sabu! I am a super-elusive leet haxxor and anyone who says otherwise is a faggot traitor! BRB, calling the FBI and DMCA, bitches!

      I am so a hacker, and everyone loves me.

      I stand for the Jester, and he stands for me! As long as he’s me, that bis. I think. Kaiser Soze, bitches. Stop trying to SE me. Gimme bitcoins. Buy my th3j35t3r(TM) bracelets. I promise I will give all the profits that aren’t for buying ramen to the WWP, honest injun.

      Look at this picture of my dog: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyyk4yPYR41qzxzwwo1_500.jpg

      CRYING
      MY EYES OUT,

      J