WESTBORO BAPTIST — A pornographic image depicting Pastor Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church, famous for picketing the funerals of soldiers with incendiary anti-gay rhetoric, has drawn massive media attention due to its homosexual nature.
The Internet Chronicle has decided to celebrate this momentous occasion by hosting a Fred Phelps gay fan fiction writing contest. We encourage all readers to mail lascivious stories of any length featuring Fred Phelps to email@example.com. The winner of the contest will have their story published and receive a magnificent, but undisclosed, prize*.
Rules are as follows:
- No sex act is off the table, and in fact, the more depraved the story the more points.
- Real stories of actual incidents of Fred Phelps’ flagrant homosexuality earn more points.
- Make sure the subject line of your e-mail reads “FRED PHELPS CONTEST,” and don’t include anything but the story. We don’t care about your comments. Just send the story.
- We must be able to masturbate to your story, or it will earn no points.
- God hates Fred Phelps because he is a faggot.
* All “prizes” are subject to confiscation and may include surveillance devices to ensure proper use