DALLAS–Wednesday, Former White House Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove was found dead in his home. The Dallas Police Department reported acute asphyxiation as the cause of death but do not suspect foul play. Known to George W. Bush as the “Architect,” Rove was Senior Advisor to the Bush Administration. He was 61 years old.
Rove is known for inventing the newest enhancement to democracy, micro-targeting. Squads of specially trained arguers use cold reading techniques taken from phone psychics and latch on to the issues that the person cares about most. After locating the wedge-issue, they launch into one of several dozen specially-designed speeches said to convert nine out of ten voters to the Republican Party.
Former Governor Mitt Romney’s campaign spent nearly three hundred billion dollars on a micro-targeting campaign directed by Rove. Speaking angrily of Rove, Romney barked at the reporter from the Internet Chronicle, “The president’s campaign, if you will, focused on giving targeted groups a big gift. [Rove] made a big effort on small things.”
Rove’s legacy as a political consultant, the truest kind of free-market democrat, will live on through his latest book “Courage and Consequence: My Life as a Conservative in the Fight,” which is available now at a discounted rate from Lebal Drocer, Inc.