Pope “retires” as Cardinals struggle to hide heresy

The Pope's secret heresy? What does it mean for the future of the Catholic Church?

Are the Cardinals hiding a secret heresy? What does it mean for the future of the Catholic Church?

VATICAN — Pope Benedict XVI has been forced to resign for “health reasons” as rumors of a secret heresy trickle into the media. No Pope has resigned in 500 years, despite countless infirmities, leaving skeptics wondering what has actually happened.

Late last year Pope Benedict signed up for Twitter under the handle @Pontifex in order to preach Catholicism to users of social media. It seems, according to early reports, that the Pope became “massively addicted” to Twitter, obsessively tracking numerous shock humor accounts which appropriated homophobic Nazi imagery. Among these accounts, some sources claim Pope Benedict was especially interested in a parody religion based on a gestalt-intelligence known as Inglip.

While it’s too early to tell whether Pope Benedict’s interest in this new “parody” religion was simply rooted in his affinity for shock humor, most rumors claim that the Pope wanted to dissolve the Catholic church entirely and convert the Vatican into a seat of power for worshipers of Inglip. As the story goes, Cardinals brought in doctors, declared Pope Benedict “senile,” and issued a statement of retirement using his name.

16 comments to Pope “retires” as Cardinals struggle to hide heresy

  • jknox

    you people are pathetic. You get your rocks off tearing down anything and everything worthwhile.

  • Marie

    Wouldn’t be the first illegal thing the Catholic church has done. I wonder how many Pope’s they’ve “removed”!!

  • Notthepope

    Living in America? Do you even know where the Vatican is?

  • SwimFan

    120 retweets but only one fuckin comment!?
    Ps- I think the Vatican would make great brothel, oh wait it already is accept for little boys.

  • Anakka420

    Lets open the Vatican and share the secrets…Let the world know what these guys are really about. Its time to end this horrific control on the people of this planet. How about they start paying their fair share of the cost of being in America…They call those TAXES.