WASHINGTON — Friday, President Obama returned from a visit to Israel in which he made threats to cut Israeli defense subsidies if Shimon Perez did not make concessions to Palestine. Upon returning to Washington, 23 Republican House members with Tea Party affiliation surrounded the President and fatally wounded him using boxcutters and improvised shivs.
Joe Biden was sworn into office as the assassins were placed into federal custody. All public services have shut down in Washington, and many schools have closed around the nation in mourning.
Sources close to the conspirators claim the House members believed Obama was the Anti-Christ and would soon declare himself Dictator in perpetuity.