Ten Movies Leading Toward The Apocalypse

The Omega Code
A flick I caught at Trinity Broadcasting Network’s Pleasure/Piety Palace in Santa Ana, California, a decadent estate in homage to a first century socialist/schizophrenic who asked followers to abandon all of their property in order to follow him. A truly annoying film that pumps the most insane evangelicals into insufferable and unquestioning Israel-licking, as god magically destroys planes in mid-air to protect a state. It takes place in a modern day environment, molding the Revelation of John into more than babbling metaphor, and into self-fulfilling prophecy cognitively accessible to the most willfully ignorant midwestern nutjobs. Atrocious. Amazingly bad for civilization. If the people who made it honestly believed it, they would not charge a cent.

Left Behind (The Trilogy)
An adaptation of Tim LaHaye’s series of novels about The End whose substantive political message is how good it would be to fear anyone who talks seriously about world peace, and that if a leader finally did, he would probably be the anti-Christ. A lot like the Omega Code, except the True Christians® are miraculously pulled off of Earth into heaven where they will somehow be in bliss with god while their loved ones suffer pestilence and war at his hands. An assault on euthenasia and proponent of narrow-minded exclusivity, this film encourages dishonesty toward employers and infiltration and offers creedence to the desperate hallucinations of weak-willed sheep. It lies way more than Da-Vinci Code.

The Skateboard Kid
If god did exist, the release of this film would have justified another Sodom and Gomorrah, only this time in the offices of producers in New York and L.A. Instead of lightning striking them; however, this film features a bolt hitting an unimportant, stupid kid’s skateboard, magically making it talk, fly, and spit unimportant, stupid “witticisms” dumber than Captain Planet comebacks. It wasn’t amusing when I was eight, and not entertaining drunk or high on anything. A blight on humanity, The Skateboard Kid should have ended Dom Deluise’s career simply because he was able to interject any energy whatsoever into the hackneyed script.

Blues Brothers 2000
The mother of all sequal letdowns. A major studio-sponsored piss on John Belushi’s grave, despite its intentions and the presence of otherwise talented musicians.

Jesus Camp
An excellent and frightening A&E documentary. Showcases the people who desire to be closest to the U.S. nuclear arsenal, and who will be quickest to demand first strike use. Evil adults speak lies and in tongues to children and encourage them to bow at the feet of a cardboard cutout of homicidal warlord George W. Bush. The film displays Ted Haggard at the heights of his hypocrisy, warning his flock that they did not need to have a debate about homosexuality because “it’s written in the bible,” undoubtedly at the same time when he was fucking male hookers and smoking meth. Worst moment: camp leader Becky Fischer encouraging children to drill/dance with sticks, camouflage their faces with paint, all in order to counteract the way Islamic Fundamentalists teach their children; in effect, turning them into what she hates.

Loose Change (All “Editions”)
A crock of lies that succesfully brainwashed me the first time I saw it, simply because I was dizzy from the other bag of bullshit about Saddam Hussein and 9/11 sold to me by media sources who were supposedly more credible than a lying windbag like Loose Change Writer/Director Dylan Avery. Like the administration itself, attempting to influence through blind fear instead of reason. Avery’s willingness to pay any taxes from the hundreds of thousands of dollars he’s made “to the machine, man” says volumes. This film is a testament to the ease with which one can persuade/dissuade the rabble into patriotic fervor, dissidence, or simply opening their pocketbooks. Frightening when you believe it, and even more so when you find out how false it is.

Passion Of The Christ
Mel Gibson’s self-funded and intensely profitable reel regarding the death of Jesus for the Christian/S&M set. Glorified senseless bloodshed as much as Postal 2, but kept Focus On The Family’s James Dobson momentarily non-critical about violence in popular media. Only after pressure from distributors did Gibson back off of offering subtitle to a still-included line that has caused untold suffering to millions of Jews: “His blood be on us, and on our children.” He kept it in the film, probably because he was still hitting the International Jewish Conspiracy pipe.

Hamas TV “Mickey Mouse” Teaches Islamic Supremacism
Children’s programming at its most destructive, and the ill-spirited rambling of a impoverished production crew barely clinging to their existence as their neighbors’ homes are mowed down by Israeli “settlement.” In the video, Farfur the Mickey ripoff, chants in costume of the day when Islam will conquer all other cultures, and goofily dances with his fingers gesturing as a rifle while 11 year old Harwa, battered by war and longing for vengeance, sings on the phone of an answering being a Kalyshnikov. Demonstrates the terrible human trait guaranteed to bring about The End, the willingness of new generations to carry grudges across the ages.

The Day After Tomorrow
A film that bled more metric tons of unwarranted skepticism about finite resources and global warming than the nation’s Hummer 2s’ do carbon. By e-mail, dim-witted liberal group MoveOn.org plugged the film to its members as the movie that Big Oil Didn’t Want You To See. A caricaturish coping-device/exploitation film, Day After Tomorrow’s sensationalism helped oil company representatives lampoon earnest, responsible concern about the environment. Kind of like the way the Japanese made Godzilla to emotionally deal with the physiology of future generations being poisoned by The Bomb, this film is surely the harbinger of bad times ahead.

Root Of All Evil?
The release of Evolutionary Biologist’s Richard Dawkins’ film about the evil of labelling belief without evidence virtue is perhaps the ultimate harbinger of The End. Why? The American networks did not have the good sense to air it. We’re screwed.