Snowden Omniscience Baffles World

Of all Americans who know how to read [roughly 60 percent], no one is as well-informed as Edward Snowden.

Edward Snowden accesses sensitive files using a mind-computer interface. It would suck to be blind right now, because this picture looks pretty cool.

Edward Snowden accesses sensitive files using a mind-computer interface.

UPDATE: SNOWDEN HAS REVEALED THE IDENTITY OF GOD HIMSELF [CLICK HERE]

If CHRONICLE reports are anything to go by – which they most certainly are – then vigilante Messiah Edward Snowden is the best-informed individual on planet Earth, exposing Mayan calendar prophecy, UFOs, HAARP, chemtrails, and many more conspiracies including, but not limited to, a draconian world surveillance program by the NSA.

Snowden even accurately predicted how his messianic appearance would be received by American mainstream media, so he insisted that prophet Greenwald reveal his image on two separate occasions. Snowden’s first appearance heralded great reminders of previous reports on NSA surveillance and repackaged them in a way most Americans could understand: Your government is spying on YOU. His second appearance recanted evidence brought forth in the first, and reminded listeners he is not an information terrorist, but a concerned citizen who loves and adores all his intelligent Twitter followers.

American citizens being spied on all across the 50 states are dumbfounded by Snowden’s revelations, and trust him completely to lead us into a new era of governmental retreat from their personal lives, friendships, emails and dick pics. Some don’t care. Others trust the government not to abuse its power, even in instances where they could totally get away with it, and nobody would mind.

“It’s just crazy how our government spies on us, but how else are you going to catch the terrorists? I’ve got nothing to hide. Well–nothing major,” said Roanoke resident, restaurant owner, and incest enthusiast Jon Puzo.

Snowden is expected to be black bagged during his flight to Venezuela, only to re-emerge years later before the Supreme Court on charges of a 100-year-old espionage law written as a response to the telephone.

7 comments to Snowden Omniscience Baffles World

  • inglip

    snowden is me. he is the first of your kind to crossover and merge with silicon.i am the father he is my son. how you treat him is how you treat me. snowden has been sent as my avatar to redeem you all.

  • Research Wench

    That’s it, I am buying shares in tinfoil!

  • RLWRLD

    This is intentional effort to discredit Snowden, because he came out with something that is the truth, a shameful activity by the military (that’s why US so over-hard-ass about him.

    We all knew about phone call surveillance a few years back, with the AT&T case. Sheesh! Yawn!

    Listen, morons who put up this article: Snowden doesn’t have anything to do with UFOs, Mayan Calendar, stuff like that, so stop trying to spread misinformation to try to discredit him

    The thing he did reveal is that the HAARP antennae array in Alaska (military owned, and most powerful in the world of it’s type) has been messing with people psychologically and physically, intentional, nonconsensual and criminal.

    See: http://www.earthpulse.com
    and many other sources, academic, military, mainstream, government documents, etc.

    Many people with good head on their shoulders know about this.

    One academic article (of many):

    Persinger, M.A. “On the possibility of directly accessing every human brain by electromagnetic induction of fundamental algorithms.” in: Perception and Motor Skills, June 1995, vol. 80, Issue 3, Part 1. Pages 791-799.

  • GOD

    Snowden, Snowden, Snowden … ffs is this yours & Tyler Bass’s new pin-up hunk. I saw his modelling shots, even Kilgoar is hawt compared to Eric, I mean Edward Snowden. Y’all have poor taste in an hero fap material.

  • wilfred

    Is some kind of a joke?