Lebal Drocer, attorney at law says: Just use a ‘burner’ phone, bro

Noam Chomsky said “society is to be dismantled and replaced with nothing by sundown” in a recently typed order to his black bloc legion. Lebal Drocer attorneys have blacked out all windows and severed communications from the outside. Through a one-way radio, Raleigh T. Hatesec barks orders to a pig army, starving for his attention. …

Lebal Drocer CEOs asked: “Why aren’t there more broads in the workplace?”

Hi, I’m Dr. Angstr Hirem Troubledames and I am chief of human resources at the legendary chemical warfare contractor and Internet Chronicle publisher Lebal Drocer, Inc. At Lebal Drocer we specialize in putting tear gas and mustard gas into the wrong hands at the right time. Watch out Assad! The chemical monster’s comin’ to gitcha! …

Humanity Party cult leader Chris Nemelka to introduce Donald Trump at Roanoke rally, promises ‘big truth’

ROANOKE, Va. — Trump aides confirmed Humanity Party leader Chris Nemelka, a neoconservative religious cult leader who plies his congregation with opioids, is scheduled to introduce the 2016 Republican presidential nominee at a rally in the quiet mountain village of Roanoke, Virginia. Nemelke said in a podcast he supports Trump specifically because Trump stands for …

chronicle.su readers eagerly huddle ’round, jockeying for first eyes on next story

The Hatesec Stoned Numb Literary Review #27.i.II (2016 3rd Quarter) Hi folks! By now you’ve probably already noticed the stellar piece of science fiction written by in-house author kilgoar trout, of mercurial fame and notoriety through chronicle.su. The Internet Chronicle is the only first website to be rated by the US House Committee on Internet …

INTERNET CHRONICLE ‘SLAMMIN SPIKES’ AFTER EPIC DEATH HOAX

INTERNET – Lebal Drocer, Inc. is proud to announce a new milestone in clickbait perfection: Last week’s death hoax, Rob Ford Dead At 46, netted a record 4 million pageviews overnight as the world flocked to confirm the truth about former Toronto mayor Rob Ford. “We were slammin spikes last night when chronicle.su – with …

Neoliberal partnerships advance chronicle.su agenda ‘one step closer to peaceful annihilation’

The Internet Chronicle has combined forces with Hate Security by Hatesec Enterprises, a Lebal Drocer affiliate. The new partnership’s dual purpose is to simultaneously hack your iPhone using powerful, state-of-the-art decryption techniques, and provide a propaganda mouthpiece for the ruling elite, who got that way because they have earned it. You’re reading it here first: …

Hungry for dignity, chronicle.su editors search desperately for real jobs

Asheville, N.C. — In a harsh economy of rapidly declining meme dankness, compounded by sheer pepe rarity, Internet Chronicle staffers say they could be forced to look elsewhere for gainful employment. Even under duress, Executive Editor of chronicle.su Frank Mason, also known as hatesec, gives credit where it is due: “Our teachers and family members …

Why reddit incorrectly deleted a chronicle.su story from its frontpage (and why we’re happy to see it)

Today OP posted an older chronicle.su story to reddit, and about two hours ago, it was deleted. I don’t take issue with the fact it took so long for the public to pick up on this story [Editor’s Note: who’s kidding who, like I give a fuck? I take issue with nothing. Stop oppressing me, …