Amanda Bynes dead at 27, inventor of ‘lol’ signs off

NEW YORK — Fans mourn the loss of Nickelodeon starlet Amanda Laura Bynes, who died early Wednesday morning at her home in New York …MOAR!

Dinosaur mummy found in Antarctica

A mummified Argentinosaurus has been found under the melting Antarctic ice.

ANTARCTICA — Summer ice melts in Antarctica have revealed land that has been covered since the time of the dinosaurs, and according to Paleontologist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, it’s revealed part of the preserved body of one of the largest animals …MOAR!

You’re Diseased!

AMERICA — Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, author of the bestselling do-it-yourself skin cancer removal book Slash and Save, excited fans with the publishing of his newest work, You’re Diseased! In this book, Dr. Troubadoor outlines the deep connection between pleasure and pathology, and he has graciously shared an excerpt from his introduction with the Internet Chronicle.

For …MOAR!

Internet Chronicle to host Fred Phelps homosexual fantasy fiction contest

Nude images of Fred Phelps engaged in homosexual acts were leaked by spurned lovers.

WESTBORO BAPTIST — A pornographic image depicting Pastor Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church, famous for picketing the funerals of soldiers with incendiary anti-gay rhetoric, has drawn massive media attention due to its homosexual nature.

The Internet …MOAR!

Ivan Stang Dead at 59

Ivan Stang will be remembered for his convincing impression of a religious fanatic.

Cleveland Heights, OH — Fans mourn the loss of Doug Smith, also known as Reverend Ivan Stang, who died Friday from a brain-eating amoeba believed to have infected him during the filming of what he called “Animalcule Porn.” Famous …MOAR!

Rodong Sinmun

Backed by outside forces, the USA is hell-bent on igniting nuclear war against the DPRK …MOAR!

Rehtaeh Parsons’ glorious suicide outshines Amanda Todd

Rehtaeh Parsons is yet another glorious heroic suicide tied to the e-Rape phenomenon.

NOVA SCOTIA — Rehtaeh Parsons, a teen who was a victim of the new e-Rape phenomenon in which bullies share images and video of rape on the internet, joined Amanda Todd and other victims of e-Rape bullying in the …MOAR!

Dr. Phil denies paying Jodi Arias’ family for sex

Dr. Phil opposite former sexpot murderslut Jodi Arias

Television therapist and fake doctor, Phil McGraw denied Tuesday real allegations he offered the Arias family money for sex with their daughter in exchange for TV coverage once a verdict is reached.

The despicable television star has committed higher atrocities …MOAR!

The “Idea Channel”

INTERNET — The “Idea Channel,” a horrifying YouTube production from PBS which aims to educate and entertain within five lighting-fast minutes, has translated television pedagogy to the internet. Surprise! It’s incredibly bad. The painfully hip mustachio’d host Mike Rugnetta rattles off jargon and drops names in front of a backdrop of …MOAR!

Margaret Thatcher, Illuminati leader, dead at 87

Illuminati leader Margaret Thatcher was murdered by the collective will of bitcoin owners.

LONDON — Margaret Thatcher, first female Prime Minister of the United Kingdom and high-ranking Illuminati member, succumbed to old age, making one bitcoin gambler and trained assassin, Ronnie Nitro, a millionaire overnight.

So-called death pools invite owners of bitcoins …MOAR!