Comments on the Internet are stupid, and so are you

Fuck the police

You stupid bunch of motherfuckers. You worthlesss piece of shit. You racist, consumerist, self-interested products of incest. I mean wow, who would have thought that if you lead a life of blindly half-assing everything, you would finally, eventually, get what you want? Well, your day has come. The world sucks now, just a little bit . . .

Shaytards patriarch strikes pedestrian while vlogging

Shaytards' fans criticized police for seeking Shay Carl in connection with a crime.

“He had one of those flip cameras and the flip panel was turned out, pointed at him and you could see he was just staring at himself, going down the road. I don’t think he knew he hit somebody. We was all yelling, ‘stop, stop’.” . . .

Terryville shut down this afternoon during suspicious plastic bag incident

Terryville’s golden suburban Saturday afternoon was disrupted by a suspicious glowing bag.

TERRYVILLE — The Terryville police finally got a chance to wheel out their mobile command unit and armored personnel carriers as downtown Terryville panicked when a suspicious plastic bag was left in the middle of main street by an unknown cowled . . .

Soviet Rebirth In Moscow

Soviet Russians rally for power in Moscow

FABLED SOVIET DREAM COME TRUE!

Soviet Russians rally for power in Moscow

It’s a power grab, and it’s taking place NOW. Russians rallied in their fortuitous nation’s capital city Monday, celebrating their God-King’s rise to power, Vladimir Putin. Putinists ate their TerrorBloc and set eyes on the skies, hoping to catch a glimpse of . . .

KYAnonymous outrage all about KYAnonymous, not the victims

Deric Loststutter debate has everything to do with victims, claims “victims”

INTERNET — Butthurt continued Monday from last week when Deric Lotstutter derailed a feminist hashtag reserved for rape survivor stories with his own Kentucky brand shameless self-promotion. News of the recent purchase of Lotstutter’s story by Brad Pitt’s film company and the . . .

The Social Media World War Spring

World War 4: Modern Warfare hits shelves tomorrow

KIEV — Ukraine’s new government launched “anti-terror” military operations to eject Russian mercenaries entrenched in Eastern Ukraine. Mercenaries with these same fatigues were supported by the nationalist bike gang cavalry in taking Crimea from the new American-backed European Union “Nazis” in Kiev.

These are default . . .

Daymon “Daym Drops” Patterson Dead from Heart Attack

“Daym,” who died Wednesday from a heart attack, was known for his bombastic takeout reviews.

INTERNET — Youtube sensation and fast food review monarch “Daym” of the Daym Drops channel was known for a famous review of Five Guys Burgers and Fries, in which he coined his signature line, “Oh my Dayum.. . .

Heartbleed infects 98% of internet and was designed by NSA, says Chinese President Xi Jinping

Kevin Mitnick and the Chinese President have hearts bleeding all over the NSA

BEIJING — Heartbleed, the most dangerous state-crafted cyber weapon since stuxnet, is a virus that infects nearly every device connected to the internet, and it was crafted by the NSA as an offensive weapon according to a statement from Chinese . . .

Ancient interstellar tracking beacon spotted on Mars

Ancient aliens who have carefully cultivated life on Earth from a distance used this tracking beacon on Mars to guide their ships in safely and undetected.

OLYMPUS MONS — Final and incontrovertible proof of intelligent alien life was photographed by Nasa’s Mars Curiosity Rover, Tuesday, and even the most skeptical scientists are hailing . . .

10 Summer Health Tips by Dr. Troubadour

Rich white man "cannot take the oppression"

Real doctor

Skincare Advice From Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour

Sup fellow dudes! I have come up with a totally badass plan to get you ready for the summertime. By following these 10 easy tips, you can battle the blistering heat coming off that god damn life-giving star in the sky.

1. Skin Cancer . . .