The Cold Hard Truth

Cocaine lawyer does not use cocaine

Above: Legal representative of The Cold Hard Truth

The Cold Hard Truth is The Elf Wax Times’ and Chronicle.SU’s legal counsel.

As our attorney, he advised us not to create this website.

He is best known around the world for his ability to write poignant, unapologetic letters to politicians on our behalf, and for his negativity toward lesbians, the homeless, religion, ugly people, and ugly homeless lesbians (who are not people and thus distinguished from them here).