Meet Your Soviet Chronicle staff
Formerly known as The Elf Wax Times, The Soviet Union Chronicle is operated by a diverse, hostile group of writers consisting of only white men. What makes a group of white, Christian males diverse is their little differences, mainly that some choose to inject their heroin while another might ingest it. Also, some of them are brown, not white at all.
Our Drug Abuse Statistical Average Goes Down With Every New Hire!*
Old Brutus once changed the face of music, and now he changes minds.
War-hero, accomplished columnist, and Chronic Legal Representation.
Tyler Bass reports from Washington, D.C. No, seriously.
The most lovable, and mysterious Elf Wax Times writer, Viet Zam had no name to match his worldwide infamy and no one knows what ever happened to him.
Once clapped their hands along to Phish on iTunes for forty five minutes while chanting Soviet mantra.
Charlie was a loser.
Hateful Man is neither Hateful nor a Man. He is the stuff of legends. And men. And hate.
The good shit.
*for the first few weeks
Ian Murphy decided to write for the Chronicle because it’s so much better than the shitty ass Buffalo Beast. Any articles written or edited by him at the Beast are actually managed by his army of Haitian slaves, who incidentally account for up to 40% of the Beast’s “readership.”