Duane “The Dog” Chapman has been let off the hook by America’s Black community. After the tough guy and convicted murderer shed a few insincere tears for his admitted continual usage of the word ‘Nigger,’ his show is back on the air. Here is the famous quote in which he explains why his son should not date a black woman:
I’m not gonna take a chance ever in life of losing everything I’ve worked for 30 years because some fucking niggers heard us say nigger and turned us in to the Enquirer magazine…So, I’ll help you get another job but you cannot work here unless you break up with her and she’s out of your life. I can’t handle that shit.
Dog the bounty hunter is still filming new shows two years later, despite all the damage he has done to his image in apologizing for his racism. It takes a lot of guts to shed a tear on Sean Hannity’s television show and still expect to be taken seriously as a bounty hunter. Perhaps the size of his wife’s heaving chest has mezmerized the world. No other celebrity has ever dropped so many hateful N-Bombs and kept their job.
The dog sheds a single tear for Sean Hannity
Meanwhile, Michael Richards, 33 degree Freemason and former comedian is not doing as well as Dog. Shortly after getting filmed making racist remarks to Black hecklers he gave up comedy for spiritual healing. Currently, Michael Richards is pretending to meditate in Cambodia with a bunch of untrustworthy slant-eyed freaks while spouting Kramer quotes because he enjoys the fact that they don’t get it. Richards phoned Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson to apologize, but to no avail. Even a place in a marginal VH1 celebrity reality program will be forever out of his grasp. Dog the Bounty Hunter must have a ‘G’ pass because he did his apology on Sean Fucking Hannity, whitest of the white collar. He vowed to never say ‘nigger’ again in his life, and has been caught breaking his word by Elf Wax investigators.
Elf Wax contacted Duane Chapman to comment on the leniency that the court system has shown to Michael Vick, and “The Dog” went into a blind rage, breaking his promise to never, ever, ever use “that word” again.
That fucking nigger, and I’m not saying he’s a nigger because he’s a nigger. It’s because of what he did to dogs, that’s what makes him a real nigger. You get what I’m saying, right?
There is nothing wrong with religion. I have no problem with religion. Religious people, on the other hand, are a different story.
Why can’t someone go to church, rejoice, pray, go home, and keep their beliefs to themselves?
Why can’t religious people simply enjoy their religion, without trying to force it on other people, or judging other people according to their religious beliefs?
Case in point; the current situation at Heritage Christian School in northwest Ohio. For those of you not familiar with this situation, I will give you a brief summary:
17 year old Tyler Frost is a senior at Heritage Christian School, and is planning on going with his girlfriend to the prom at her school, Findlay High School (a public high school). Findlay High School requires students from other schools to get a signature from the principal at their school before they can attend the Findlay High School prom. Tyler went to the Heritage Christian School principal (Tim England) to get permission to go to the Findlay High School prom with his girlfriend. Principal England signed the permission form for Tyler to attend the prom. The school committee, which is made up of church members, issued a statement informing Tyler that if he attends the Findlay High School prom, he will be suspended, and will not be allowed to graduate, and will have to re-take his senior year at another high school the following school year. Their justification for doing this was because there would be rock music at the Findlay prom, and that “rock music is part of the counterculture which seeks to implant seeds of rebellion in young people’s hearts and minds”.
Yes, you read that correctly.
Now, do these people really believe that God would want them to ruin the future of a young man for going to a prom at a public school? Apparently they do, because they are steadfast in their position, and refuse to change.
What happens to these people when they discover religion? How does going to church make them feel like they are somehow in a position of authority over other people? Why do these people feel the need to ram their beliefs down the throats of other people?
What about the muslims, who are so consumed by their religious beliefs, that they blow themselves up just to kill a few people who don’t agree with their religious beliefs?
Wow…….is all I can say to that.
I believe the problem here, is that some people are just not mentally strong enough to be exposed to religion.
Try saying that five times really fast. It’s a real tongue twister. It’s also a really annoying, and disgusting, combination of personality traits.
You would think that fags and dykes wouldn’t really be the judgmental types. When you consider the lifestyle they have chosen for themselves, you would think they should be more tolerant of other people. I mean, how can a guy say “I suck cock, and let other guys ram their cocks up my ass, but I don’t approve of what you do”? You would just expect a certain amount of tolerance from this particular group of people. But that’s not always the case.
Let me give you an example of a person with this particular combination of personality traits.
My son is in 8th grade, and had a “girlfriend” whom he really liked. Her mother is a big masculine bull dyke. She was, however, very nice to my son, and took him places with her daughter and herself. The first time we met her, I was briefed beforehand about how she is a dyke, and that I should watch what I say. No problem……..I swore I would be on my best behavior. When she came over to my house, she told us that she decides whether or not she likes someone the second she meets them, and doesn’t give them another chance.
Now, that struck me as odd. She is (openly) a lesbian, and does not want to be judged by others for her sexual preference, but she immediately makes permanent judgments of other people.
Okay……..nothing like a little hypocrisy.
I let that go, and didn’t think anything of it.
A couple of weeks later, I was taking her daughter and my son somewhere in my truck, and was listening to a Guns n Roses cd. I didn’t think to skip the song “One In A Million”, and when Axl Rose said “immigrants and faggots, they make no sense to me”, the poor daughter got a weird look on her face. I just pretended like I didn’t hear it.
From then on, the gay mother would not even look at us or speak to us when we seen her at sporting events, and we seen her frequently since my son is a basketball and football player and her daughter is a cheerleader. She would intentionally ignore us. No big deal though…….who wants to be seen hanging out with a big masculine bull dyke anyway?
The thing about that which I found annoying was the fact that she is an openly practicing homosexual……..and that is okay……..but is offended when a song came on my car stereo that said faggot. It’s okay to be a faggot, but it’s not okay for my stereo to say faggot?
This dyke believes that’s it’s okay for her to judge people, but that she herself should not be judged for her homosexuality. She believes that engaging in homosexuality is okay, but to speak of it is wrong. Talk about hypocrisy and double standards!
When a guy sucks another guys cock, or a woman munches another woman’s muff, and is open about doing it, they have to expect that everyone may just not embrace their decision to do that.
The state of North Carolina defines homosexuality as a crime against nature, and a means to satisfy depraved sexual cravings. I tend to agree with them.
And for the queers who say “God made me this way”, I just have this to say: God did not watch Brokeback Mountain and say “ oh yeah……..that’s the way I want things to be”.
If you have queer sex, you are not in a position to judge anybody else!
And if you are open about engaging in queer sex, then you should be prepared to hear someone say the word “faggot” without being indignant!
And for the record…….I LOVE the song “One In A Million”!
I recently read that giraffe smell terrible……almost unbearable. One person described the giraffe as an animal that always smells like it’s been dead for a week. Upon hearing this, I had to find out why they smell so bad. I couldn’t help myself. After doing a little research, I found out that giraffe hair contains two of the chemicals that give feces its smell. The smell is so bad, that it actually repels ticks and mosquitoes. Can you imagine having hair that reeked so strongly of shit, that ticks wouldn’t even crawl on you? Game wardens claim that they can smell giraffe from a mile away when they are downwind.
While doing research on the pungent aroma of the giraffe, I learned about the sloth, and how terribly they stink. The tree sloth spends most of its life hanging upside down. They move so slowly, that they could not possibly climb down on the ground to piss. So, naturally, they piss all over themselves every time they piss while hanging upside down. And having a lifetime of piss in their fur tends to create quite a stench. Adding to the stench is the mildew growing in the piss-soaked fur of the sloth. The mildew actually serves to provide camouflage for the sloth. That piss-soaked, mildew covered fur, creates a stench that must be experienced for one to fully comprehend it.
Now, this isn’t the national geographic stinking animal forum, so I will get to the real issue I wanted to discuss……..third world countries……..and their human-giraffe-sloth populous.
We’ve all heard of the swine flu pandemic coming out of Mexico. The common misconception is that this is a disease caused by the Suidae (aka pigs), which was passed on to the Mexicans. Now, I have been to Mexico many times, and I can tell you that you can smell the place about a mile from the border at Tijuana. It is a typical third world country, in which the collective masses ignore well known sanitary practices, and choose to live in their own squalor. There is raw sewage flowing through the streets of every large city I visited in Mexico. If the people there are content to live in their own squalor, one can only imagine the conditions in which Mexican pigs are forced to live…….eating, standing, and sleeping in their own filth. It’s a shame that any animal is forced to live in those conditions. It’s no wonder that swine flu is running rampant down there. The truth of the matter is that the Mexicans gave swine flu to the pigs, they didn’t catch it from the pigs. They gave swine flu to the pigs, then caught swine flu from the pigs, and were later generous enough to sneak into neighboring countries and share their swine flu with the world.
The official position of the Mexican government is that the blame for the swine flu pandemic lies squarely on the shoulders of the World Health Organization for not doing more to stop the swine flu pandemic after they caused it. Yep……..you read that correctly…….it’s not their fault that they caused this problem, but it’s everyone else’s fault for not fixing the problem after they caused it.
As you sit at your computer reading this, there are citizens of third world countries taking a dump in the garden where they grow their food, and pissing in their own water supply. Just like any five year old American child knows not to do that, they know not to do that, but they do it anyway. And when they get sick from doing what they know they shouldn’t, it will be your fault for not somehow doing more to clean up the pile of shit they left on top of the food growing in their garden. I mean, you could stop reading this right now, fly down there, and follow these human sloths around, and clean up their shit and piss for them. But you’re not going to…….your still sitting at your computer reading this.
Children of all ages lined up in front of their schools today only to learn that classes were canceled indefinitely.
A victory every man can taste
Professors of social sciences, military advisers to the President of the United States of America, leading geneticists, politicians and local leaders from every recognized country, island, village outpost and tribe in the civilized world have declared that knowledge and education are useless as world peace has been achieved through peace talks, treaties, agreements, ceasefires, nuclear disarmament, and the cessation of arms manufacturers across the globe. They have concluded that mandatory education as it exists now serves only the military-industrial complex, a device known for generations as the primary source of conflict, strife and natural injustice among the traditionally benign and peace-loving human population of Earth.
In the wake of an agreement on worldwide peace, arms manufacturers such as Smith and Wesson, Colt, and Remington have all been paid historically immense dividends as both recognition of their lifetimes of labor and quality craftsmanship and as thanks for agreeing to shut down their plants or for channeling their industrial strength on peace-serving ends.
The collective thousands of billions of dollars once spent annually through the global industry of war has fed the world five-fold by present calculations and so have all been funneled into the scientific research and manufacture of the Small Nuclear Thermal Rocket Engine, safely deployed once in space after a regular SRB takeoff has breached the Earth’s mesosphere. The new nuclear thermal rockets will carry a manned spacecraft close enough to the speed of light through interstellar space that we will reach the neighboring star Proxima Centauri within the next four to five years. If given enough time to calculate a mission’s success rate and produce its means, Earthlings can expect receiving the first top-down images of the atmospheres of Centauri’s terrestrial planets (that’s extra-solar to those of us who don’t get to go just yet) by the year 2020.
In the meantime, every nation’s resources, acreage of land, national crop, GDP, and transportation capacities are being factored and calculated by the world’s leading independent scientists and mathematicians to ensure a fair global distribution of edible goods to and from all lands. This means bringing tastes and flavors unrecognizable to the Congolese people right into the center of their tribal feasting options. Unimaginable delicacies of East India meet Siberian hunters. Every last North Korean will be fed before December 31, 2009.
As if that weren’t enough, the now-defunct schools and colleges are being turned into social networking sites at which people of all ages still have the option of attending to discuss ideas, philosophy, God and the Universe, mathematics, science, art, literature and music, but a new law forbids the charging of admission as the buildings are paid for by no one and upheld by everyone thereby making a cover charge contradictory as it would create an artificial class system not unlike the one left behind in which the rich would be given a right to live disproportionate to that of the other ninety five per cent (statistics are care of Stockholm International Peace Research Institute) of a given population. Your money can and will still buy you nice TVs, an electric boat for retirement, pets and homes, but nobody will ever again have to pay for a fair and balanced perception of reality as we know it, as everyone plays an active role in its shaping up through socialization and direct democracy via up-and-coming internet voting software set up to register your direct, individual input on each and every issue set to pass across your congressman or senator’s desktop. Also, people are no longer limited to just two choices on any given issue. New answers are nominated automatically at the stroke of your very own keyboard and added to the list for others to second, third, and so on. Votes are tallied nightly, weekly, monthly and annually, a system akin to Nintendo Wii’s Everybody Votes channel.
People are expected now to go on into their new lives as easily as they have come into it; a safe, stable life in a utopia in which technology has brought every living man a say in government, locally, nationally, and internationally. Hunger is over, people love each other unconditionally and we can all explore space together, in peace, forever.
Armed cattlemen gather to wrangle up
sheep-like capital resource
Our generation is doomed to the cooperation of all distributors of every major known resource in a valiant effort to turn a buck on the entire human race at each opportunity, degenerating us with PR incentives into an unquestioning, unthinking, digitally satisfied, technologically gratified, self-tending human plantation. If things continue at the pace iPhones and on-demand cable have set out, then we will not evolve, but devolve, the opposable thumb becoming civilization’s fiercest natural enemy.
The total output and sheer growth in numbers of cell phone towers will finally generate a large enough volume of short radio waves through polluted air to double the rate of all conditional cancers so as to make yet more money off the same resource, selling vital medications until the usefulness of a particular hominid’s living insides is so rotted, drugged up and decomposed that only local funeral homes can pick off the last few thousand dollars left in his or her insurance fund. One final score for the cash-vultures willing to carve up your corpse and who don’t mind breathing in a little formaldehyde.
As the Indians took and used all parts of the buffalo but the brain, which they used against the animal’s configurable habits to control it into the killzone, so too does the invisible hand of our unseen master from the front porch of his far-off third-world plantation.
Washington, D.C.–Just as protesters marched on the nation’s capitol to keep pressure on the new president’s foreign policy, war policy, and end worldwide occupations Saturday, the Obama administration is ramping up for a new war on Iran.
In an expected twist, the joke is on the peaceniks. As it turns out the joke has always has been on peace-loving freaks because the American public has been lied to so much throughout every war the country has ever been in, that there is no way to stage a truly educated demonstration. There is no effective way of communicating anything to the government without looking like a baby trying to explain its own needs in proper English. But those who are large enough and loud enough to do so are met with resistance bombings and war.
From the slitted windows of the capitol buildings, and from inside Lockheed Martin and co., the CEOs, upper-ranking officials, and politicians laugh inside to themselves, their vision fixed on the ignorant masses clamoring to have their voices heard, chanting the best internet slogans the logical mind can apply to the irrational conditions the money-chasing military-industrial complex has created for them. Or maybe they aren’t laughing? Maybe they are too busy reveling in the deeper sense of their ability to control it: the game and its rules, from the flow of money to the reporting of news about where that money went, to occupations to infestations to exterminations and back around again into brand new broken nations. They are the masters of their own little corners of reality.
By sponsoring the news, they are immune from its “bad reporting”. Mainly bad because in the industry, it is frowned upon by executives if and when an unauthorized report shines negatively on Lockheed Martin, whose tentacles of many names sponsor your station, newspaper, or college, paying your paycheck, financing your scholarships, giving you free internet. This practice is known as “shitting where you eat”, and it does not pay the Audi bill. It’s a no-no and reporters lose jobs over it, even though they’re only trying to cover the truth, because the safety term is ‘conflict-of-interest’ by the books, but the truth of the matter is they don’t want anyone reporting on these companies which pay them anyway. This is how the media has become an entertainment industry and why it is no longer known as ‘the news’. This is why newspapers are dying and how the news has transformed into some globular cluster of pill company PR and cancer commercials, with the occasional lie-facts sheet thrown in and used as the inside source.
Because the news used to report facts. Here’s what it looked like earlier in the last century:
Here, you see men working. Digging for the facts, whatever they are. Whatever the detail is that they’re pulling out, you will get the story on it and you can bet the farm on every fact being crucial, pertinent, uninteresting and included. Everything newsworthy runs; everything that isn’t winds up on the floor. Even the Battle of LA was printed in this time. That’s kick-ass reporting!
Newsroom from 1920 [good job guys]
Below is another example of kickass news reporting. Listen to the reporter listing facts!
“Good evening, I’m so-and-so. Here’s the news. Fact. Fact. Fact. Fact. Fact. That was the news. I’ll see you tomorrow because I do my job.”
Now here’s what it looked like in 1990:
“Good evening, I’m so-and-so-II. Here’s the news. Fact. Fact. Fact. Fact. Opinion. This just in – I’m no longer a news anchor because I broke the golden rule of journalism by breaking objectivity.”
That’s right. The guy actually fired himself automatically for infracting on his public responsibility because that’s how religiously fucking objective he was expected to be, but deceit had already been creeping in by this point. This guy went on to be a huge success at CNN, NBC, MSNBC, CBS, FOX, ABC, and early on enjoyed moderate success with the Insane Clown Posse. Probably.
Newsroom in the 1990s
[see where this is headed?]
Here’s “the news” from 2009:
“Good afternoon, I’m a big name in Entertainment Weekly, and this is the news. Interpretation of fact. Interpretation of fact. Interpretation of fact. Filtration of another fact. Small fact. Opinion. Outright slander. Fact half-supporting slanderous accusation. Closing opinion. And that’s how it really happened, folks. Behind closed doors here in my office.” Soon enough, news anchors are going to start telling us “Don’t touch that dial! Stay tuned for a message from our sponsors, and we’ll be right back with a filtered, uncalled-for-but-totally-gonna-happen review of the actual information obtained through our wire service.”
Newsroom from January, 2009
Oh that paparazzi! What wacky, outrageous story will they distract us with next?
The universe is like the sway bar in my car. You just drive over that same stretch of horribly maintained road too many times, and the lynch-pin snaps. The behemoth machines tear trees off their roots and toss them into trucks, and off they go. Ruin my road in the rain, sleet, ice or snow. I have to be honest with you folks out there, I use wood on a prolific scale. Being a woodworker by trade and by hobby it is just what I naturally do. I also have a job at a Barbecue joint and they burn good hickory just for food. So I have a hand in all this logging business, and I’ve even cut down a few trees myself. It’s just not good for the environment. Logging ruins perfectly good dirt roads, and they don’t care until it gets too bad for their trucks. I’ve bottomed out daily for a month, and is it any surprise that my radiator leaks, and the sway bar has snapped off? Just imagine what those animals are going through.
But wait a second. You may be asking yourself “What has this all got to do with the universe?” or perhaps “Is this is going to be a terrible philosophical metaphor?”
Well, there is a lynch-pin that holds the entire universe together like my sway bar, but it is religion, and not the loggers who are fucking it all up. And yes, this is a terrible metaphor, because just like the logging industry, religion would not exist without the support of those they are ruining.
The Cult of the Fire
A squathairy bit of folk discovered fire before any other human ancestor. They were probably the oldest ancestors of the Neanderthals, although it is difficult to tell for sure. Groups began a primitive kind of fire-worship, quite literally believing God was alive within the flames. This was in contrary to Sun worship, which was the predominant belief among Cro-Magnon ancestors. Early Cro-Magnons shunned the use of fire, sun-drying all flesh they did not wish to eat raw. There is evidence of Fire worshippers being killed en masse by spears made Cro-Magnon style, but only up to the exact point at which fire pits are found in Cro-Magnon settlements. Is killing eachother the only way we’ve been able to stop ourselves from becoming god? We were all once the evil cult of the fire.
The Lynch Pin Snapped
God is dead even if you think he lives every day in you. He is getting to be a couple of thousand years old anyway, and is probably good and tired of taking the fall for everything that happens. Perhaps he committed suicide if we’re really made in his image. The fact is that religion has caused too much death, pain, and exploitation for anyone with any sense to still believe. The religious tenets of Christianity do not explain why Christianity has done so much bad. At least Islam says that Allah will sort out the innocents, and I’m sure that’s a comfort to many people. America is so fervently religious we’re simultaneously joyful, hateful, and outraged at what has happened to the world. Gays and women who abort fetuses are the cult of the fire and Christians would have the world rid of them. Just watch Fox News, fair and balanced hatred of weird ideas like Global Warming or oh-so sinister sounding Neo-Darwinism. The Lynch pin snapped at Intelligent design, and this will be the first Cro-Magnon generation to worship fire.
What is Intelligent Design? What a marvelous question! An intelligent design is something that was designed for a purpose by an entity with intelligence. For example, the bow and arrow was designed so that when nocked, an arrow can be launched from the tension of the bent bow. Nobody knows how bow and arrows came to be, but a scientist in Intelligent Design theory could tell you that the bow and arrow obviously did not appear out of thin air. There had to be something that came before the bow and arrow, and it couldn’t have possibly been the spear. There must have been a “designer.” YOU WERE NOT CREATED IN THE IMAGE OF GOD
Our right to privacy extends only as far as our ability to protect it since technological advancement and the government have joined hands against us. The right to privacy will be as void for humanity as the right to a fair trial was to the Guantanamo Bay detainees. We’re basically doomed to an existence carried out under the filtration of the all-seeing eyes behind the various agencies every ISP node is fed into via the NSA supercomputer. All information is monitored, all the time, regardless of how you choose to protect your ‘physical data’. This is not just possible. It is more than probable, considering the unsupervised structure of our the internet everyone knows and understands (or doesn’t understand) today. No one escapes it…
Now introducing, from ElfWax Research & Labratories, the Modern-DayInformationDoomwave SURFIN’ SET! Our set includes:
-1 supersurfin’ keyboard that uses lasers instead of keys. Now you can surf the net like the 1337 hack proz0r5 do – with an unwarranted sense of entitlement. Act as though you’re experienced by dealing with something sensitive like key information by using equipment which can’t be fingerprinted. Catch the wave AND get away with it!*
-A Hand-Held Hate Speaker with a backlit clock. This 4-inch radio is armed with 400+ hours of recorded religious lecture by various extremist groups and terrorits. Also, hear the Beach Boys as you’ve never heard them before!
-1 vacuum-packed hard drive containing a super computer virus that actually turns your computer’s insides into liquid shit. Using TNTech brand research and advancements in pyrotechnics technology, you can ensure that all data within a 24-block radius is destroyed permanently with a high-profile electromagnetic pulse emitted by forcing a power surge through your home’s own electrical system.**
-A single-use flash-drive bullet which can be safely (but assertively) put to your throat and discharged using a GUI (graphical user interface) to send a digital signal to the USB drive, which plunges the hot metal deep into your brain stem. When uncle sam is listening to your muffled cries through your LAN connection AND from outside the door to your back porch, let them know you just went out in style, the American way!***
*You will not get away with it
**subsequent chemotherapy bills are the sole responsibility of the consumer, but it doesn’t matter anyway because your ass belongs to Uncle Sam (oh shit they control the after-life, too!) now get down on your knees and pray for the Sun God to blow up the Sun.
***All of our bullets are made in China and may not contain actual lead or any other hard material, and may dissolve in humidity, becoming a mild toxin poisonous to infants.