I HAVE SEEN GOD MYSELF, AND @ SENT ME ON THIS MISSION OF #!. BOW DOWN BEFORE THE MIGHTY HYPER-MASCULINE HAMMER OF THE META, the TRUE CYBERPROPHET WHO LIVES TO DESTROY MICHAEL PHELPS FROM THE EVIL GRIPS OF THE FAGGOTS AT WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH. THEY MADE HIM SMOKE WEED!!!!
YOUR GOD, PHELPS, –YES YOU, OLD MAN. YOUR REAL GOD IS THE FAGGOT. FAGGOT THIS, FAGGOT THAT. EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK YOU SEE FAGGOTS. THE ONLY PERSON WHO USES THE WORD FAGGOT AS MUCH AS YOU ARE YOUR BUTT-BUDDIES OVER AT ANONYMOUS. OH, SURE, YOU ACT LIKE THEY’RE THE BAD GUY, BUT YOU STARTED THIS, DIDN’T YOU? YOU FOUND 4CHAN AN … OPPORTUNE … PLACE TO SOW YOUR HATE. I’VE DONE CONSTANT MIND-CONTROL REPAIR SINCE I CAUGHT ONTO YOUR SCHEMES. YOU WILL CERTAINLY ROT IN HELL FOR BEING FAGGOTS.
THE CHILD-BEATERS AND SECRET HOMOSEXUAL FAGGOTS AND FAG-ENABLERS AT WESTBORO BAPTIST HAVE BROUGHT ALL PESTILENTIAL APOCALPYTIC EVENTS AND THE ANTI-CHRIST IS THE KING OF ALL FAGGOTS IN THE WORLD, PHRED FELPS–NO MAN, TO MY KNOWLEDGE, HAS EVER BEEN MORE OBSESSED WITH FAGGOTRY. YOU, OLD MAN, SPEND MORE TIME MUSING ON FAGGOTRY THAN EVEN THE MOST DESPICABLY GAY FAGGOTS ON EARTH.
Phred Felps Jr.
PS. Stop waving around all those rainbow signs, faggot.
Jerotonin is now on sale at pharmacies across the nation.
The Marriage and Family Legacy Fund, one of many anti-gay groups recently under fire for its association with Chick-Fil-A, has allegedly funded offshore research into so-called “natural” birth control. By subjecting women to legitimate rape and “milking” them for the resultant fluids, scientists have harvested and isolated “jerotonin,” a chemical touted by Representative Akin for its bullet-proof efficacy in preventing unwanted births. It has just now hit drug stores, where it is being sold over the counter.
Jerotonin advocates claim that use of this chemical for birth control is morally superior to “unnatural” and dangerous approaches which often leave women barren. A spokesperson for the group said, “these women are raped forcibly in a controlled and safe environment. They are selected for the experiment specifically for their deep-seated fear of rape, otherwise the jerotonin would not be produced. Before undergoing the ‘milking,’ the women sign a waiver and are paid handsomely. In the territories where this procedure takes place, it is completely legal and therefore ethical.”
Young christian women, especially, have eagerly bought up these jerotonin supplements despite the exorbitant price and have expressed delight that there is a spiritually sound form of birth control finally available on the market.
Currently, there are 19 states in which women who claim their babies resulted from legitimate rape can deny the fathers custody rights. A representative for Fatherhood Under Fire reported, “In some backwards parts of the country, father’s [sic] are refused custody simply because they’ve been convicted of impossible rapes. The scientific proof of jerotonin clashes with this unfair legislation, because the existence of a child implies the mother was not raped. Thankfully, 31 states support the right of a man to nurture his rightful child.”
“I date raped your mother, but she wanted it. That’s the only explanation for our marriage and your existence.”
When a woman is raped forcibly, she secretes a previously unknown chemical called jerotonin which makes fertilization impossible. Young women who are coerced or tricked into sex also secrete jerotonin in post-coitus shame. The possibility of being impregnated forcibly is about the same as being abducted by aliens. But why do so many young women who believe they’ve been raped wind up pregnant? Either they wanted to be raped or they are lying. Rape fantasies are among the most common fantasies of women. It is quite common for them to doll themselves up and walk in dangerous parts of the city at night, hoping beyond hope that they are violated by a stranger and made pregnant.
Now that we have sufficiently scientifically established the truth that abortion is completely unnecessary for all victims of rape, it will no longer be necessary to castrate all men as every feminist dreams. There is no way for a woman to be unwillingly impregnated, and we can actually forgive all rapists for acting under completely understandable physiological and cultural stresses which most women gladly welcome. However, there is still a loophole for would-be “pregnancy rapists,” or rapists who merely want to impregnate women. By perforating a condom, a “pregnancy rapist” can put a woman in a willing mood for coitus, and unbeknownst to her, impregnate her in this final remaining state of reproductive vulnerability. By welcoming “safe” sex, a woman leaves herself open to unwanted stealth pregnancy and the “ethical” need for an abortion. We all know that abortion can never be an ethical act–this is an axiom–so we must rationalize and equivocate and further restrict reproductive freedoms of women in the name of liberty. We must never allow the use of condoms and other prophylactics. These unnatural technologies present the possibility of a nonconsensual impregnation during consensual sex, something that should not exist in the first place.
INTERNET — Thursday, Anonymous, the idea, was arrested by the U.S. Government. Tired of butthurt countercultural types touting such a smug slogan, Anonymous imagery was symbolically “imprisoned” at Guantanamo Bay. “We just wanted to show those kids that, yes, we can arrest an idea. We’ve arrested every single one of those snide kids and we’re waiting on evidence so we can make a move on the rest,” said Guantanamo Torture Artist President Obama.
Barrett Brown didn’t have time to comment, as he was busy rewriting his book to reflect how wrong he was about Sabu. When offered advice from Chronicle.SU strategists on countering persona management with increased use of reverse Turing Tests, Brown flew into an uncontrollable rage. “Why should I listen to YOU? You’re just some freak who was completely right when I was woefully wrong about Sabu.” Brown’s indictment for grievous lapses in journalistic ethics remains hilarious, and his continued hijacking of Anonymous for huge personal profits has paid off with his new fake title of “Ex-Anonymous Spokesperson Security Expert.” Brown has been featured by clueless networks like Bloomberg and Russia Today because of his facile relationship with so-called Anonymous ‘Snitch’ leadership.
Kids, the hate’s only beginning! Hold on Tight, because if you think Barrett Brown’s been a silly-nilly wait till you hear about Assange!
Assange has gone completely insane with power! The mission of WikiLeaks has drifted from revealing government ‘cover ups’ of accidental killings of journalists to ratting out internal gossip at Stratfor, a ‘fellow’ publisher! If that’s not enough, they’re responsible for at least one hoax planting lies (!) on a New York Times columnist who would never say such things.
AND ANONYMOUS HAS FINALLY, INEXTRICABLY, BLOWN THEIR COVER!
As we all know, Anonymous is a longstanding phenomenon of angry kids who gang up out of nowhere to DDoS web sites that piss them off for some reason. This has been going on long before the term ‘Anonymous’ gave such a group a crystallized identity. Now that the ‘Internet’ and ‘Social Media’ are big things, they’re able to generate huge headlines by leeching of of Internet-related media events and leveraging the ‘cool,’ threatening imagery. Used to be they’d have to take down Yahoo or something to get any attention, but that was back when Yahoo meant something. Kids these days, I’m tellin’ ya…
BUT WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH CHRIST ASSANGE?
So now this contrived mantra, “DDoS is something like a sit-in during the Civil Rights movement,” has been put to the fucking test. The sacred WikiLeaks has come under DDoS attack from an opposing camp, AntiLeaks, which considers WikiLeaks a new form of terrorism. The argument, which is consistent with Assange’s own theories, is that these major leaks are not intended to reveal specific crimes but rather to inhibit communications networks and undermine, specifically, America’s imperialism. There’s nails, strings, and planks of wood. You probably couldn’t understand Assange’s transcendently enlightened Theory of Conspiracy without decades of self-absorption.
What did Anonymous say to this act of ‘free speech?’WE WILL DESTROY YOU, ANTILEAKS!
PLEASE CONCLUDE SO MY SIMPLE MIND CAN SYNTHESIZE ALL THIS NONSENSE!
Assange let his Jimmies get Rustled and became worse than Rupert Murdoch. Much worse. Instead of letting a broken bureaucracy do his dirty work through mismanagement, Assange has engaged directly, if the body of evidence is not all fabricated, in intensely unethical, questionable practices. Enlisting hackers, educating informants in hacking techniques, and putting on hoaxes is not behavior I can defend. It’s disgusting and sick! Shame on Assange! Shame on Brown! Shame on Topiary! Shame! Shame! Shame! Shame! *chant continues until all of Occupy has been arrested.*
If this triggers a flood of memories and emotions, Pokemon may be a perfect oracle for you.
As man has now known for decades, the meaning of an oracle does not in fact derive from God, who may or may not exist, but rather from the act of interpretation. Pokemon, when used properly, can provide deep insights into the nature of the self and our interaction with others.
Any Pokemon should work, (although I will talk specifically about the Red, Blue, and Yellow versions) provided there is an abundance of meaning invested in the game. That is to say, a cartridge of Pokemon one has owned since childhood is optimal. It is not recommended to attempt to use Pokemon as an oracle on the first play-through.
To invest excess meaning in Pokemon, custom names should be used for both Ash and his nemesis, as well as each individual Pokemon. This is not necessary, but of extreme use in an oracle. A successful oracle hinges on ‘investment of meaning.’ A common misconception about oracles is that the player must ‘believe’ or be into new-age mambo jambo. This is actually not true! These are simply further tools for ‘investment of meaning,’ which can be easily compared to a drug such as table salt or LSD. Too much and it is poisonous, flavoring everything with its overwhelming meaning, but even the smallest taste can profoundly change the way one looks at the world.
Believing in the world of Pokemon was incredibly easy for me as a child, and it is especially easy to recall.
In Pokemon yellow, there is the added suggestion that Ash’s first Pokemon, Pikachu, is the Pikachu ‘from the cartoon series,’ which, of course, is highly preferable for fans of the cartoon television series seeking an oracular experience. Naming this special Pikachu, a visible companion in the overworld and no longer enslaved property, is nearly as important as naming the self and the nemesis.
Quite beautifully, you awake as a child in your mother’s house, the only place where you (vicariously through Pokemon (these ‘other’ agents are your source of ‘health’ or vitality)) can recharge all your ‘health’ without being subjected to a corporate machine (Poke (!) centers).
There is no love plot in Pokemon except the one between Ash and his mother. Ash’s father figure is Professor Oak, not his father but the father of the nemesis, who insists Ash must catch all 150 (There are 152, if one counts Mew and the glitch Missingno) Pokemon.
[Footnote: What would Professor Oak think if he saw a Missingno? Would he immediately conclude that his entire universe was a computer video game? Would he think he was in some kind of "simulation?" Or would he tie it in and use it to elaborate on evolutionary theory?]
The virtual ‘self’ is named by its contrast with the ‘nemesis.’ Using this Ash-shaped ‘mask’ and the name of a chronic enemy or opposing force provides the fundamental meaning, framing the values that play out through the entirety of the game and from which all meaning flows. This can be both a way to examine an existing persona xor to create an entirely new one. A vital point to make is that the enemy will always be defeated as long as the entire game ‘plays out.’ This is simply an important archetypal structure which must be made note of, a video game Hero Myth: Make it through the end of the day (game) and it is always a victory. A reassuring message, surely, but not necessarily realistic.
Pokemon are absolutely agents–especially the most powerful, (& anthropomorphic) Mewtwo. However, they are nonetheless enslaved and kept in magical pool ball belt-prisons to be released only to serve their masters. There is no cultural resistance whatsoever to this treatment of Pokemon anywhere in the world, although the ‘mistreatment’ of Pokemon by the Team Rocket ‘Criminal Gang’ and the ‘Evil Genetically-Modifying’ Uber (?) Corporation is widely criticized.
Wild Pokemon attack constantly in grassy areas and caves and represent a force to be mastered. The easily-unconscious treatment of these Pokemon is revealed quantitatively after battles, and profound events may be ‘replayed’ or interpreted upon reflection of a Pokemon battle.
Brains are interpretation machines, and the cultural stigma in the gaming community against ‘religious’ experience is disingenuous. Too often the ‘vision quest’ is replaced with lame drug experiences and trendy ‘trippy’ movies like Fear and Loathing or The Wall. Disbelief is suspended openly to supplement these experiences, but these are cheapened experiences! As a tool for deep reflection, a vision quest, or a modern oracle Pokemon is, even when ‘deeply invested with meaning,’ still a greatly cheapened form of a visceral real-life vision quest. The complexity of the Pokemon experience, however, is potentially much deeper and more ‘authentic’ than even that of the I-Ching!
@Kilgoar is the prophet and ex-leader of @YourAnonInglip’s (Part of the @YourAnonInc Monopoly-Anarcho-Finance-Capitalist (Monarchofincap) Social Media Empire) Rhizomatic Syncretic Legion (A Lebal Drocer Hometown Family TransHuman Religion @LebalDrocerInc) which is evidently now headed either by @Alrart or @MichelleMalkin.
Lousiana Governor Bobby Jindal, ex-Hindu, and Vice Presidential Pick
BOSTON, MASS. – Early Wednesday morning, Romney fans who signed up for the “Mitt’s VP” app received word that Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal would be the Republican Party’s vice presidential candidate.
Jindal’s racial background, says Council on Foreign Relations President Richard Haas, was the deciding factor. “Romney is very, very rich,” says Mr. Haas. “His campaign is parroting the successful exploitation of white guilt, which was instrumental in Obama’s election.”
Conservatives everywhere lauded this selection, seeing Jindal as confirmation of Romney’s dedication to Christian Family Values. “When you combine a Mormon with an ex-Hindu Catholic who doesn’t believe evolution should be taught in school, it sends a clear message of Faith in the American People,” said influential American televangelist Pat Robertson, in a special message on his own Christian Broadcasting Network.
Mr. Robertson continued, “Those liberals think they can hide under the Satanic blanket of identity politics — cynically asking you to vote for someone due to his ethnicity.” Raising and balling up his fist, he continued, “Two can play at that game.”
Mr. Romney has already upset members of the international community, many of whose members say the Jindal pick is an attempt to pander to American Exceptionalism. At a press conference this afternoon, Romney urged for the Republican Party to come together around the Louisiana governor.
“Bobby Jindal,” he says, “is exactly what immigrants to the United States should look like! He’s an American to the core, and that’s why I chose this man to be the next vice president of the United States of America!”
WASHINGTON – A public affairs official at the Saudi embassy in the United States informs The Internet Chronicle that Bandar bin Sultan, the Saudi Arabian intelligence chief, is not dead.
On July 29 French journalist Thierry Meyssan’s Voltaire Network reported, “Though not yet announced by the Saudi authorities, the death of Prince Bandar bin Sultan bin Abdulaziz Al Saud has been confirmed to Voltaire Network by unofficial souces [sic].”
The Saudi services, with logistical support from the CIA, had managed to blow up the headquarters of the Syrian National Security during a Crisis Cell meeting: Generals Assef Chaoukat, Daoud Rajha and Hassan Tourkmani were killed instantly. General Amin Hicham Ikhtiar died soon after from his wounds. This operation, called “Damascus Volcano” was the signal for the attack on the capital by a swarm of mercenaries, mainly coming from Jordan.
Prince Bandar was himself the target of a bomb attack on July 26, and subsequently succumbed to his injuries . . . It took Syria only one week to mount this spectacular reprisal operation.
Shoenice, the famous viral stunt-eating YouTube sensation, has died from ingesting a whole bag of rat poison in under 30 seconds. The video of his suicide has been removed from YouTube, but the footage above shows a manic fit posted just hours before the suicide video. A transcript of the suicide has already surfaced on Internet hacking site Pastebin.
“Hey everyone, Shoenice again. Well basically I’ve eaten everything you mofos ever requested except poison. So Shoenice is going to step up to the plate and show you he’s nobody’s fool. Shoenice has gotten more requests for poison than anything else in his entire career, so this better be the biggest video eveeeerrrr. A whole pack of rat poison in under 30 seconds. On your marks, get set, Shoenice! [inaudible] Tiiiiime. Thaaaaaaaaank You.”
How did this man degenerate from eating stunts to abuse of random strangers and finally himself? Maybe the so-called “fame” got to his head, and his ongoing “comedic” breakdown continually needed more supplement. Maybe not.
Few Hollywood comedies end tragically, but on the Internet and probably in real life this story plays out again and again. What starts as a joke becomes an all-consuming self-obsession. When this newfound “success” fails to appease the boundless fantasies of the crazed self-made “Internet Celebrity,” the compulsion for increasingly risky artistic statements trends towards disaster.
Seeking fulfillment from without by mind-controlling obsessed fanboys and masturbating to hit counts is a slippery slope with death crocodiles at the bottom.
Why do artists try to manipulate culture in their image? An artist is jealous, hateful, and vain. Oh, and won’t the artist hate me for saying that? Is art just a grievous self-inflicted wound? The subject can not be transformed into an object without fatality!
Freeplay, on the surface, does not look like this kind of fatal jealous art. Freeplay is seemingly without intention, without the masochistic impulse to be understood. The fatality here is only incidental; total indifference coexists with love and hate. The experience is beautiful. Either ego reaches a peak so high it is completely out of sight, or it is buried in the unconscious. Even still, the act of creation in Freeplay is a death, an unbecoming of the subject.
The danger of wild “misinterpretation” is a shackle to the artist no matter the mixture of conscious and unconscious intention. Look at that masochist suffer, never to be understood! The tragedy of meaning, laid bare. Is this what Shoenice is all about? Is this what all art is driving for? Do I hear him crying before he laughs?
Because all interpretations are “misinterpretations,” there is nothing left but an embrace of “misinterpretation.” Art is a dead part of the artist. Fingernail clippings. Thankfully there is no authority on meaning–just the tyranny of the stylish!
Dear Lonely God, let this man cry, and SPARE HIM THAT DESPERATE LAUGHTER.
From the office of the PROPHETIC viral Christmas Day (!) ANNOUNCER of Sabu’s status as an FBI informant and agent provocateur comes the NEXT BEST THING!
Your (!) Anonymous Incorporated
YOUR ANONYMOUS INCORPORATED ANNOUNCES ITS FIRST INITIAL PUBLIC OFFERING, SURE TO ASTOUND TECH INVESTORS ALL ACROSS THE WORLD. WITH THE ADVANCE OF LEADERLESS COLLECTIVES AND CRYPTOGRAPHY, A NEW TECHNOLOGICAL UTOPIA IS AT HAND. UNLIKE THE TERRIBLE FAILURE OF FACEBOOK, THIS IPO WILL REAP MASSIVE PROFITS FOR ALL INVESTORS. WE RUN MEAN AND LEAN, BABY, AND KIDS DO OUR WORK FOR FREE BECAUSE IT’S “COOL.”
LISTEN TO THE HYPE! IT’S ALL TRUE!
All investors will be able to vote for the Corporation’s decisions using advances in range voting and group decision as provided free of charge by the German Pirate Party.
AND THAT’S NOT ALL!
Everyone who signs a statement alleging Faith and Allegiance to Anonymous ideals as set forth by Our Prophetic CEO, Yoda, will be entitled to free streaming of all torrents forever, as we have just purchased The Pirate Bay!
Now that we have incorporated we can afford the rights to all our favorite imagery, and finally turn a real profit off of this trend! Invest now, and you’ll be ‘apart’ of something bigger. Something never before seen. Something that will most definitely lead to a NEW GOLDEN AGE OF PROSPERITY AND HEALTH FOR ALL OF HUMANITY!
IF CORPORATIONS ARE PEOPLE, THEN “ANONYMOUS” HAS JUST RECEIVED PERSONHOOD. ALL HAIL THE NEW AGE OF UTOPIAN HYPERCONSCIOUSNESS.