STOP SOPA Michael Mozart

RI State Representative Daniel Gordon “Joins Anonymous”

This is the tweet which made Representative Dan Gordon the darling politician of Anons everywhere. Anonymous didn’t bother to google this man and now he’s in their midst, festering like a hateful little sore on tinychat. There are a few facts to consider before endorsing Dan Gordon.

  1. Dan Gordon is probably a homophobe.
  2. Dan Gordon is known for abusive cyberbullying of political opponents.
  3. Dan Gordon has an extensive, violent criminal record.
  4. Dan Gordon was demoted twice while serving in the Marines and he lied about serving in Iraq.

Representative Gordon blamed his criminal record on post traumatic stress from his service in Iraq, and used Twitter to put the hate on people who called him out. When asked to prove he served in Iraq, Gordon said that the documents were destroyed when his house burnt down. (Maybe HE set the fire!)

On second thought, Representative Gordon might be exactly the politician Anonymous needs to ally with.


Sasha Grey: Racist

Caution: Sasha Grey's porn is only for people who enjoy overacting

Sasha Grey, famous ex-porn star, has come under fire for racist comments made during her adult film career. In this extremely explicit interracial sex scene, Sasha Grey uses the word “nigger” repeatedly, offending many viewers in both the black and white community.

“Ms. Grey’s language turned what should have been a racially harmonious scene of hardcore love into fetishized racism,” commented Al Sharpton. “It’s things like this, as Jeffery Dahmer said, that create violence in today’s society.”

The porn star recently read to students of Emerson Elementary School, setting a terrible example for our children. What if they look up her porn one day, and imitate her racial slurs? We need to think about the children.

“Yeah, I love fucking that Nigger Cock” ~ Sasha Grey

Sasha Grey has made no public apology to the black community for her slurs, as was expected from Duane “The Dog” Chapman and Michael Richards. Her callous statements have left fans flaccid and betrayed.

Sasha Grey is a supporter of Occupy Wall Street and PETA, and these shocking statements have caused these groups to distance themselves from the porn star. “Ms. Grey will not be allowed at our encampment until she apologizes for her statements,” said Occupy Oakland coordinator Brent McGovern, chairman of the people’s microphone General Assembly.

Sasha Grey may be going back to porn if she cannot bring herself to apologize for her outlandish, racist statements.

Jews did 911? Yes, according to one terrorist

Jews did 911The sensational news article, found on this eyesore of a website, about halfway down said Aafia Siddiqui suggested that “maybe Israel had something to do with it.” It, meaning the World Trade Center attacks on September 11, 2001.

Aafia Siddiqui is a Pakistani neuroscientist who studied at MIT. Later she allegedly decided she might like to engage in sexy terrorism. The article says it all, in just a few words, including words like “She then fired the rifle at various individuals.”

4chan raised the question once, causing it later to be dismissed as the lulz. But Aafia Siddiqui raised it back: Did Jews cause 9/11?

Do not be taken in so quickly. If the Jews did 9/11 then why are we slaughtering brown people? Is it to keep down heating costs like the liberal media would have us believe? Exactly.

I don’t think there’ll ever be a time in my life when I don’t fear the unending wrath of Muslim rage possibly winding up in my children’s schools. No sir, my children will learn that the Jew is our friend. Yea, we’d all be speaking German right now if the Jews hadn’t dragged us into World War II and that Indians shared maize with the pilgrims, who later corrected their population for using the wrong word to identify corn.

Staff writer Cess Poole comes close to nearly writing article

Local writer later said “Fuck it”

Cess Poole

Cess Poole makes his living stealing money from people's wallets.

Cess Poole, writer, expressed wishes Sunday to produce new material. Almost immediately, however, the young penman changed his mind.

“He was like, ‘Fuck it,’” said fellow writer and editor Frank Mason.

With mounting debt, a sick girlfriend and hungry children at his feet, Poole has long been in a slump he can only describe as “inescapable.”

“It’s like, all the pressures of life are just fucking me up lately,” said Poole. “It’s like, I don’t care about nothing man. And it feels like I never will.”

The change of heart, Poole clarified, was not spurred on by a reported decline in marijuana abuse. To the contrary, the father of one and a half has only been clean for two days short of a work week. “And to be fair,” he said, “that’s a record.”

Instead, sources believe a source of creativity within Poole may simply have never existed at all.

“There’s just nothing there to nurture,” reported Mike Satton, social analyst and young talent scout for the publication. “I mean, if he did something besides spend other people’s money and playing with his prick all day, then yeah, you might have something to work with. But this is nuttin’. Nuttin’!”

Where Poole might end up next is anyone’s guess. Possible locations according to Poole include jail, his mother’s house, or face down in a ditch somewhere near his father’s home.

For the hottest most up-to-date information on Cess Poole, check the police blotter in your local newspaper or ask your drug dealer.

Chronicle lawyers speaking candidly on the matter showed little faith in the future well-being of the estranged writer. “Frankly though,” said Julius Epstein, attorney, “those of us here at the chronicle expect to see his mugshot on national news within the month.” lawyers are accustomed to bailing writers out of jail, but with an increase in legal trouble, combined with lack of contributions, editors for the first time ever are considering dropping Cess Poole from their services permanently.

“He’s a drag. And he’s always making everyone uncomfortable, offering us speed during business meetings. Selling me weed in my bosses’ offices. And I don’t even know how to react anymore when he tells me his children are hungry. Where does all that drug money go?”

This message is brought to you selflessly by Lebal Drocer, Inc.

Salmon flavored peanut butter sandwich cookie toothpaste, now caffeine free

STRATFOR Documents reveal NDAA designed to combat Occupy Wall Street

Unlawful arrest! Unlawful arrest!

NEW YORK–New evidence uncovered by the recent STRATFOR hack, which sparked an Anonymous civil war, suggests that NDAA was passed so quickly specifically out of fear that Occupy Wall Street would become a violent revolution.

In this leaked e-mail the STRATFOR analyst writes, “[...] The Occupy Movement is extremely dangerous [...] if they continue to refuse conforming to the established political process,” and chillingly, “NDAA should be immediately passed as quietly as possible so these groups can be dealt with cleanly.”

If you are associated with the Occupy Movement, now would not be a good time to buy a gun. In fact, now would not be a good time to have your face seen at any Occupy-related event. The federal government has decided that Occupy is a threat, and now it has the right to indefinitely detain you without charge. Some remaining Occupations have already drawn up plans to keep an ongoing roster of participants at each location, in fear that they will become a class of political prisoners.

One group contacted us on Thursday, with concerns about an especially extreme group of Occupants from Oakland who were setting up an Occupy training camp in Death Valley. According to our source, Occupy Oakland has been unable to contact a single member of the Death Valley camp for at least a week, who have been likely detained under the NDAA provision allowing indefinite detention of civilians without trial.

Dead Fetus Snuggler defeats Joseph Smith at Iowa Caucus

IOWA – Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum are engaged in an epic clash, antlers locked over a heaving wad of cash which is pouring from their wounds like blood. Iowa has drained millions from them, but that is the salient point. My god! 99% precincts reporting, and it’s only a difference of 5 votes! Now the Santorum’s won it. He’s a very special anal sex mixture of cum and feces, according to Urbandictionary.

Here’s the real story, though. Rick Santorum slept with a dead fetus from his miscarriaging wife and Mitt Romney’s a depraved fucking Mormon. Neither of them should be able to make it. A Mormon is the right’s answer to the left electing a Black. After all, religious freedom is a great thing.

But Romney’s still in it, he’s an outsider. He’s not an evil beltway type, he’s a businessman. Romney flips failing businesses, firing thousands of Americans to turn a profit. That’s capitalism for you, a heartless equation of freedom.

Iowa is symbolic because it is the most mediocre place in America. And because of this, they chose the most mediocre candidate possible. This helps predict which candidate will be mediocre enough to get the nomination – a holy thing which guarantees you a place as the president’s occasional critic when you lose to Obama the Osamakiller.

Newt Gingrich fucked an Alien

Historical fact.

It’s really great that there’s a real Historian running for president. Finally, someone who can stand up and set the record straight on Palestine. Palestinians are an invented people! They never existed in history until this century. Never mind that the word Palestine is found in its first form somewhere around 1150 BC. That’s an inconvenient truth. These people weren’t yet Muslim or Christian so it doesn’t really apply.

Then the period of Zionism began, enforcing permanent immigration rights on basis of religion, flooding the area with Jews who quickly seized power. That’s just how Democracy works, and let’s not call it Zionism. It’s really better described as anti-anti-semitism.  We would never want another holocaust on the Jews to occur.

These Palestinians get uppity, all you can do anymore is cut them off. Blockade their ports, and wall them off. But even when you do that, they just smuggle concrete through the tunnels to build themselves the American dream: An air-conditioned shopping mall!

If only we could just force them to listen to us. We don’t care if they’re Muslim or not, we just want them to drink Coke and watch some Netflix on a nice, new Sony television. But no, it’s got to be a holy war. It’s a good thing we have remote control drones to do all the  dirty work for us from the comfort of our luxury-class Death Cruisers, reminiscent of Star Destroyers.

And to all these sissies whining about the economy, it would all come crashing down if we ended the wars. There will be another, and another, and another until the world is firmly in the grip of America. Multi-national corporate-like entities that have both personhood and the power to buy whatever laws are convenient will engage the fucking hate machine if your leadership wants to raise minimum wages and hurt their bottom line. First, they’ll use HAARP to cripple you with earthquakes and floods. Then, the “relief workers” will show up toting guns, and they’ll start giving out orders to local officials. That’s how it’s done.

Infested Callista

Report: Kim Jong Un a clone of Kim Jong Il

Yes, Kim Jong Un is a clone of Kim Jong Il

Reports from within the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea claim that Kim Jong Il successfully cloned himself sometime in the 80′s using a crude, but effective technique widely available at the time. Kim Jong Un was the only survivor after thousands of failed attempts.

Kim Jong Un is virtually indistinguishable from depictions of Kim Jong Il at the same age, except that he is slightly more overweight. This is, of course, a product of North Korea’s economic successes and in no way a genetic factor.

As reports of the cloning spread throughout North Korea, citizens are wildly celebrating a future of endless military and economic victories thanks to the survival of their now immortal leader.

Western powers fear the nuclear-armed Kim Jong-Un, successor to the great empire of Korea. Unification of Korea will follow shortly, as the world applauds the greatness of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea.


This is just a small sampling of CabinCr3w’s awesome Playboy leak, hand picked by furiously masturbating crowdsourcing technologies.






Leaked Playboy photo 1

Leaked Playboy photo 2