Joseph K Black plagiarizes Gregory D Evans

Famous for books that are 99.3% plagiarized, security charlatan Gregory D Evans has, for once, had his work stolen out from under him. Joseph K Black has adopted Gregory D Evans’ methods. Black has cited his doubtful “expertise” as a reason for people to pay attention to him. Joseph K Black is unapologetic about his obvious intellectual theft from Gregory D Evans, just as Evans embraces his place as a plagiarist.

Twitterrific is a Mac-only Twitter client, final proof of Gregory D Evans' fraudulent computer expertise.

Gregory D Evans obviously doesn’t care that he’s a plagiarist, as long as he gets his attention. He’s made many contradictory and uninformed comments for reporters who think he’s an expert on Anonymous or computer security.

This is a challenge to Joseph K Black: Step up your game if you want to outdo Gregory D Evans.

EGYPT IS HACKING MY GMAILZ, BARRETT BROWN U LOSE

My wildest dreams to be hacked by Anonymous have finally come true

Someone in Egypt with a limited understanding of the English language might read Chronicle.SU and see it as something threatening. However, this is only because of the language barrier. It’s okay. I’m not afraid of being h@x0r3d and have been preparing a bottle of the finest Pabst Blue Ribbon for this day. Yeah motherfucker, it’s time to get drunk. Poor Egyptians probably don’t even have Pabst. Let’s hope the Arab spring blows some your way. Most likely, this h@x0r lives in Gaza, and is just using Egyptian proxies. It would be pretty silly if that were his actual IP, wouldn’t it?

Meanwhile, Barrett Brown is losing the war against Echelon2, also known as Project Oddysey.

What else can I screencap, as proof of my superiority? After all, numbers and hacks ARE everything. I bet no one even cares to hack [email protected] Who would even try? Barrett Brown won’t write for us and Ian Murphy won’t either. I even gave Murphy an account. Well, feel free to pawn it off on your little troll Barrett, he might change his mind when he sees how much attention we get. AND TALK ABOUT CHICKENSHIT. HOLY CRIPES BARRETT BROWN WHY’D YOU HAVE TO POST THAT SHIT TO REDDIT? DO YOU LOVE BEING HATED?

It’s not slimy enough to covertly record a roommate dispute; no, you had to post it to Reddit for the whole world to see. See how I used a semicolon to prove that I understand good writingzorz? You took down the video, so I just have to imagine you standing there, rambling with a cigarette in your mouth about how you’ve written for all sorts of important publications. In these cocky speeches, do you usually mention your appearance on Fox News where your little virgin asshole got torn apart by vicious professional haterapers? Do you mention the part where lowercase anonymous kicked you out of anonymous? HELL NO.

IF YOU CANT STAND THE TROLLZ STAY OFF THE ITNERNETZ.

Adrian Chen knows about Boxxy

 

BREAKING: This just in: It was reported moments ago that Gawker writer Adrian Chin is aware of the existence and activities of internet celebrity boxxy [boxybabee]. Stay tuned for the latest updates.

WHATIS-THEPLAN? RIG THE VOTE

IF YOU TOUCH IT RIGHT THERE AND DRAW A VAGINA IT IS HAX0r3d

Hacker forum WhatIs-ThePlan has purposefully dissembled their true plan because it’s fucking disgusting. That’s right, those untrustworthy bastards at WhatIs-ThePlan are organizing mass election fraud for 2012 as part of a non-violent coup.

Within the deepest recesses of their still-private forums, The Plan distributes malicious software designed to compromise the security of computerized voting machines. As it turns out, hacker overlord Sabu is working behind the scenes at The Plan to place himself at the head of America’s future Hacktocracy, where only those who are able to hack voting machines will be given a voice.

The Plan keeps a large group of peaceful protest fanboys around to cover their illegal activities, as hackfag Anonymous does with DDoSfags.

Meanwhile, Scientologyfag Anonymous continues to protest against freedom of religion, but WhyWeProtest.org is actually owned by Tom Cruise. Anti-Scientology protests give Scientology a much needed publicity boost after the South Park scandal blew their shit up.

While Hacktocracy is a completely retarded way to decide the legitimacy of authority, it is in fact somewhat better than the Corporatocracy that reaches up Obama’s asshole, tears out his innards, and forces him to sit at the table and enjoy every delusional little Tea Party that comes his way.

Boxxy, will you at least go on a date with me?

Catie Wayne

Catie Wayne, the creator of Boxxy, is possibly the greatest actress and troll of our time. As she comes of age and the crapflood of prepubescent fanboys turn gay, her fine art can be better appreciated.

That’s why I would like to forever dedicate everything on Chronicle.SU to Boxxy. She is my soul mate and kindred spirit. Her infinite beauty and bottomless pool of talent caused the internet to implode with jelly. I would commit suicide if it meant a single night in the arms of Catie Wayne.

Listen, if the Svetlana bitch fucks with you again, I’ll take matters into my own hands. That goes for any Boxxy haters out there. Back the fuck off. You will get d0xed, you will get hacked, and you will regret it. No one fucks with Catie Wayne.

I know when I asked you to marry me yesterday it was a little too much all at once, maybe.

I would like to ask you on a date, Catie, and I will treat you like a perfect gentleman. I can buy you lobster if you want and then I’ll serenade you with banjo music afterwards over a bottle of red wine. Then we can stare into each other’s eyes for a few hours or for however long is cool with you. You have such nice eyes. I’d really like to gently caress your face and run my hands through your beautiful dark hair.

We don’t have to go out to a fancy restaurant if that’s not your thing. We could go to an independent movie theater and see a comedy. We could even go see a play if that’s  more what you’re in to. I saw pics of you in a high school play, so that might be right up your alley. It doesn’t matter. It would be so great just to share some laughs with you. If you’re not into intimate eye-contact on the first date we can go out to a bar or something. I know you’re not 21 yet but I know a few bartenders who wouldn’t ask questions.

Then again, this still might all be too much at once. You might not even like alcohol. It’d be pretty chill to go for a walk through the woods and just hold hands with you. I’d take you to this place where there’s a waterfall and when we got there I’d try to sneak in an innocent kiss on your cheek. If you’re down with getting stoned we could smoke a little too and just lay around enjoying the serenity. I mean this might not be your thing either and you might hate weed, a lot of people do.

It’s cool if you don’t drink or smoke. I barely ever do it. In fact, I’ll quit if you want me to. I want to take you on a trip around Europe. We would visit all the most important art museums, because I bet you have a very sophisticated taste in art. We could spend a whole week walking through the Louvre and still not see it all. I would wait until we got to the Eiffel Tower to kiss you, because that would be the perfect timing.

I can’t wait until we fall in love.

Michele Bachmann believes Elvis is still alive

On Wednesday, Michele Bachmann declared that Elvis was still alive and wished him a happy rebirth. A recent study showed that Republicans are just plain wrong a shocking 93% of the time. Analysts noted this figure is somewhat inflated because of Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin, whose wrongness creates an impossible mathematical scenario which relies on imaginary numbers.

Welcome to BizarroAmerica

  • Michele Bachmann is the prominent constitutional scholar in Congress
  • John Wayne and John Wayne Gacey are the same person
  • Tractor drivers in Texas need a commercial license just to cross the road
  • Elvis was reborn on the day he died
  • John Quincy Adams is our founding father
  • Thirty percent of medical workers quit their job when Obamacare passed
  • Lexington and Concord are in New Hampshire
  • There are 3,400 people working for the Mainstream Media, and they all work for Obama
  • John Huntsman thinks Michele Bachmann is a hottie
  • The camera is over this way, Michele
  • The swine flu only occurs under democratic administrations
  • President Obama wants reeducation camps for young people
  • Gas prices are up because Obama decreased domestic energy production
  • Paul Revere’s famous ride warned the British of their imminent failure
  • The US government wasn’t going to default
  • Rick Perry isn’t white enough to be president

 ”I just hate it when people correct me, so I sympathize with the Republican party.” ~ Joe Sixpack

Before you rush to Wikipedia and rewrite history, think about what the real purpose of all this wrongness is. We can only assume that Michele Bachmann is purposefully wrong as much as possible, capitalizing on those who correct her. Sarah Palin, on the other hand, is sadly just that dumb. Female politicians in the Republican party get ahead with wrongness, drawing on the sympathy of their male constituents who all love and control the votes of their wives. Recall the scene from Sarah Palin’s Alaska, where she desperately clung to a rock wall for 45 minutes in a panic. Upon overcoming her fear, her husband climbed the cliff within 10 minutes and then laughed in her incompetent face.

This gets votes.

Liebin.com leads to unprecedented hackfaggotry

Liebin - Your #1 source for Lies since 1992!

Want to get something off your chest and onto the interwebs? Wanna d0x an enemy anonymously? Tired of being written off as a troll? Do you just need attention? If you answered yes to any of these questions you need to spread your hateful disinformation with liebin.com, the interweb’s newest, most exciting place for hackfags to snitch on eachother, dump innocent people’s information, and post made-up IRC logs.

A team of expert sociologists at Lebal Drocer, Inc., created liebin.com as a place for enlightened minds to gather in secret and discuss plans to further world domination of the open internet, but we tripped acid and decided to make it public.

Some very interesting posts have already been made, including one by well-known hackfag, Th3J35st3r. His post was titled “Why I am better than Anonymous” and here it is:

I’m better than anonymous because even though we both hack anyone we disagree with,  Anonymous isn’t as polite about it as I am. They use profanity and propagate memes to attract young people for jail cover. I work alone. That’s really why I’m better than Anonymous.

 

Fred Phelps murdered by Michele Bachmann

For Michele Bachmann, it was kill or be killed.

Late Thursday, Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church had his eyes clawed out by Michele Bachmann. Plans for his funeral have been made, but talk of protests are already spreading. As the man who pioneered funeral protest as a form of free speech, much celebration is expected. Veteran’s advocacy groups have already begun organizing a demonstration for Fred Phelps’ funeral.

“I plan on grilling up some steaks, drinking a few beers, waving some hateful signs, and just generally having a good time at this funeral,” commented one veteran, as he waved his bus ticket at our reporters. “I’ve been ready for this shit for years!”

Bachmann’s lawyers have stated the deadly conflict started as a simple biblical dispute. Phelps believed that God hates all fags unconditionally, whereas Bachmann pushed the idea that God only despised fags who haven’t sought forgiveness for their faggotry. What seemed to onlookers as a bitter sexual assault from Bachmann quickly turned deadly for Phelps.

Fred Phelps’ daughter, Shirley Phelps-Roper, has moved forward plans to protest the protest of her father’s funeral, stating “I should have seen this faggotry coming. Typical faggot move. By the way, Anonymous is a bunch of faggots.” Anonymous was reached, and not a single fuck was given.

Our prophets have reached God Almighty, on high, as he watches these events from outside of time and space. Although his grace is impossible to translate into our infinitely inexpressive language, our prophets have made their best attempt.

“I’m glad Bachmann tore that old man’s eyes out, but he was right about one thing. I hate faggotry. Bachmann and Phelps are both faggots. America’s forgotten what I did to Sodom and Gomorrah. The bible was mostly made up by a bunch of faggots who I hate, and if it’s interpreted as anything but a hateful document, it leads to this kind of bullshit. I am God and I hate faggots like Fred Phelps.”

Police chief hunts down cyberterror cartoonist

RENTON, Wash. — Cartoons depicting corrupt behavior of the Renton City Police Department have sparked a criminal investigation and scandal among locals. However, Chief of Police Kevin Milosevich has called off all official investigations, opting instead for guidance from McCarthy-era Secret Police.

Snitches close to Milosevich indicate the Chief altered his strategy because of a surge in public sympathy for the anonymous cartoonist, known only as Mr. FiddleSticks.

Milosevich’s close friend and spiritual adviser Lorraine McWorth told sources the Police Chief was desperately attempting to underplay the negative image of wildly corrupt law enforcement while simultaneously embracing its proven effectiveness.

“He’s taking a Gestapo-like approach to the investigation, now. Threatening phone calls, letter-bombs and kidnappings are sure to get his point across where traditional methods were failing. When he gets his guy, no one will ever know. Mr. Fiddlesticks will just disappear.”

Q&A with Nouriel Roubini

In mid-July, world renowned economist Nouriel Roubini sat down with Chronicle.SU’s Anton OyVey for a fireside chat at Bohemian Grove 2011. They discussed the next 18 months of world events, including the Debt Crisis and stock market crash. Much of the discussion was deemed “off the record” by Nouriel, but after a little arm twisting he agreed to sign off on the release of the following excerpt.

Anton: Thanks for the rim job earlier in Kissinger’s tent.

Nouriel: It was my pleasure. Great to share life, love and good wine with you again.

Anton: Stop it.

Nouriel: Did you see what Mohamed A. El-Erian got me?

Anton: Yes and that’s not where it was meant to be inserted.

Nouriel: (laughs)

Anton: Seriously tho… I want to talk a little bit about the next year in world events. Word around the Grove is the Debt Crisis is going to be center stage and you are going to be a busy bee over the next year. Is Doctor Doom about to go viral again?

Nouriel: Let’s just say my calendar is booked solid for the next 18 months, but I will still make time for good wine and cheap women.

Anton: Ben Bernanke’s cabana boy told me that Quantitative Easing Three (QE3) is on it’s way and you are going to be a big proponent again. Do you really believe QE3 will be effective in stimulating growth or should the Federal Reserve be taking another approach?

Nouriel: Economic growth in the US and most developed economies is anaemic at best. Measures of inflation, both core and headline, are below the implicit and explicit targets of the Federal Reserve. The scenario has been and will always be low growth, low inflation and an unemployment rate close to 10 per cent. If you run the numbers, you get that the Fed Funds rate should be around minus 5 percent, but nominal policy rates have a zero lower bound.

Quantitative Easing by the US and other governments has been increasing liquidity to effectively push the real policy rate below zero. Some $600bn of additional liquidity in QE2 was the equivalent of a reduction of about 50-60 basis points in the FFR. When Ben Bernanke says this is just a variant of traditional monetary policy, I think that is correct, even if unconventional. But we both know how Ben likes to stay on top of things…

Anton: (laughs)

Nouriel: I love good wine.

Anton: There’s been a healthy buzz at the Grove about next month’s market crash. Is now a good time to short equities?

Nouriel: Absolutely. The Dow Jones will drop over nine thousand points over the course of several months, starting in August. As you know, global investors have concluded that Obama will only be a one term president and have shifted resources to the GOP. No surprise about Governor Perry. He has an amazing dimple on his ass by the way.

Anton: You are such a pervert.

Nouriel: I can afford to be. I’m Doctor Doom damn it! (grabs wine bottle) More wine?

Anton: No thanks. So what kind of recovery can we expect?

Nouriel: We are looking at an unprecedented recovery pattern. I initially thought we were looking at a “U” shape recovery. After further analysis, it seemed a “W” recovering was in order. But not so fast. The Eurozone and Asian markets have a lot of say in this too. That’s why I’m predicting a “WVW” reccovery. That’s a quintuple dip recession for those scoring at home. More wine?

Anton: No. I’m not drinking.

Nouriel: I told Charlie Rose I’d meet him in Donald Sutherland’s tent in 5 minutes. You coming?

Anton: No. I need to rest my corn hole.

Nouriel: Pussy.