In Which The Internet Chronicle Copy-edits the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea

Amnesty International claims that the country is running death camps. But there is a tilt relationship with the country that the U.S. military power structure has yet to admire: China. The DPRK wants to be taken seriously by the so-called international community. And in doing so they have failed miserably to communicate in English to the Western powers that they so feel antagonize them. It is in the interest of international peace and cooperation that we translate — despite not speaking 조선말– the state’s comments into terms that are more immediately understandable by international audiences. They will bode better on Google Translate, or whichever format you might wish to view this page.

Imperialist encroachments upon supreme interests have become grave, as have violations of Democratic People’s Republic of Korea sovereignty.  As a result, the dearly respected Marshal Kim Jong-un, brilliant commander of Mt. Paektu — before examining and ratifying a firepower strike plan — convened an urgent operation meeting on the firepower-strike duty performance of the Strategic Rocket Force of the Korean People’s Army.

The declaration of a do-or-die battle is Marshal Kim’s decision: a choice to provide an epochal occasion for ending the long-standing showdown with the United States, opening a new era. It is also a last warning of justice served to the United States, the south Korean group and other hostile anti-reunification forces. The decision reflects the strong will of the DPRK people to annihilate the enemies.

Now surges the anger of the heroic service personnel, along with all other DPRK people, at the U.S. imperialists’ reckless war provocations.  Also surges a strong will to turn out as one in the death-defying battle with the enemies and to achieve finalizing victory in the great reunification war. This will is true to Kim Jong-un’s important decision.

In its previous statement, KPA Supreme Command solemnly declared at home and abroad the people’s will to take decisive military counteraction to defend sovereignty. KPA Supreme Command also declared the people’s will to defend the dignity of supreme leadership with regard to extreme south Korean puppet and U.S. provocations.

Not content after repeated warnings to disallow successive B-52s sorties in south Korean skies, the United States deployed other ultra-modern strategic strike forces, such as B-2A stealth strategic bombers, to south Korea. These bombing drills targeted the DPRK. This is an unpardonable, heinous provocation; and an open challenge.

Taking advantage of the reckless U.S. nuclear campaign against the DPRK, south Korean puppets vociferated about the terms “pre-emptive attack,” “strong counteraction” and even “strikes[s] at the commanding forces,” subsequently revealing the attempt to destroy monuments to the dignity of DPRK supreme leadership.

This clearly shows that U.S. brigandish ambition for aggression and the puppets’ attempt to invade the DPRK have gone beyond the limit, and that — after visiting a phase of threat and blackmail — threats have entered the reckless phase of an actual war.

Moreover the prevailing, grim situation clearly justifies the KPA Supreme Command in deciding to settle accounts with the U.S. imperialists and south Korean puppets by dint of the arms of Songun. A time when words could work has passed.

Now they are openly claiming that B-2As’ nuclear drills were “not to irritate the north” but “defensive.” Additionally, the United States says the drills are  “to defend the interests of its ally.” However this lame pretext covers up aggression; evades denunciation at home, abroad; and attempts escape from DPRK retaliatory blows.

The era when the United States resorted to the policy of strength by brandishing nuclear weapons has gone.

The DPRK’s resolute answer and steadfast stand is to counter U.S. imperialists’ blackmail of aggressive, merciless nuclear attack with just, all-out war.

The imperialists should clearly know that in the era of Marshal Kim Jong-un, the greatest-ever commander, all things are different than in the past.

The hostile forces will realize clearly the iron will, matchless grit and extraordinary mettle of the brilliant commander of Mt. Paektu insofar as, without Songun Korea, the earth cannot exist.

The time has come to stage a do-or-die final battle.

The government, political parties and organizations of the DPRK solemnly declare as follows, reflecting upon Kim Jong-un’s final decision at the KPA Supreme Command operation meeting and the unanimous will of the DPRK’s people. The people await this final order from Kim:

(1) From this moment, north-south relations will be put at the state of war, and all issues arousing tensions between the north and the south will be dealt with according to wartime regulations.

The neither-peace-nor-war state has ended on the Korean Peninsula.

Now that the revolutionary armed forces of the DPRK have entered into actual military action, inter-Korean relations have naturally entered the state of war. Accordingly, without warning, the DPRK will now punish with resolute and merciless physical action the slightest provocation against dignity and sovereignty.

(2) If the United States and the south Korean puppet group provoke war against the DPRK in any area, including the West Sea of Korea’s five islands or in the area along the Military Demarcation Line, theirs will not be a local war but will develop into an all-out war: a nuclear war.

It is self-evident that any Korean Peninsula military conflict is bound to lead to nuclear war, now that even U.S. nuclear strategic bombers in the Korean mainland and Pacific military bases — Hawaii and Guamare — are flying into south Korean skies to participate in madcap, DPRK-targeting nuclear moves.

The first strike of the DPRK’s revolutionary armed forces is to blow up aggressive U.S. bases in mainland Korea and Pacific operational theatres, including Hawaii and Guam; but additionally, to reduce U.S. military bases in south Korea. Included in the first strike is the puppets’ ruling institutions (such as Chongwadae), as well as the imperative to reduce to ashes the puppet army — to say nothing of the aggressors and the provokers.

(3) The DPRK will never miss the golden chance to win a final victory in the great war for national reunification.

This war will not be a three-day but a blitz war through which the KPA will occupy all areas of south Korea — including Jeju Island at one strike, not giving the U.S. and puppet warmongers time to come to their senses — and a three-dimensional war to be fought at air, land, sea, on the front line and in the rear.

This sacred war of justice will be a nationwide, all-people resistance involving all Koreans in the north, the south and overseas. Traitors to the nation — including heinous confrontation maniacs, warmongers and human scum — will be swept away mercilessly.

No force on earth can break the people’s all-out will to overpower in the just, great national Korean reunification war.

Holding in high esteem the peerlessly great men of Mt. Paektu, the Korean people will give vent to the pent-up grudge and realize their cherished desire; thusly bringing the bright day of national reunification and without fail building the best power on this land.

Tom Ryan Spearheads Cyberwar on the DPRK


Under Armor Spokesman, @th3j35t3r Attacks North Korea

Under the moniker @th3j35t3r, a little-known Twitter account, Tom Ryan of Provide Security is currently gearing up for cyber war with North Korea, Anonymous in tow.

After a series of test runs against mom-and-pop DPRK websites, we see Tom Ryan, aka John Tiessen, as possessing the ability to completely cripple the entire infrastructure of North Korea’s Internets. While working with OWASP on Web app exploitation, in the mid ’90′s Ryan developed — with the help of a DARPA contract and Adrian Lamo –  a tool known only as XerXes, which sends “packets” to a given “serve,”, causing it to go offline temporarily. Some say it was also developed to really annoy Ron Brynaert.

This method, while not new, is very new and effective. The source code of XerXes has been hidden from the world for over two decades and far surpasses everything from WinNuke to LOIC/HOIC.

So is this a military operation? Is this what the NSA has been planning for years, General Keith Alexander at the helm? Or is this just a completely superfluous news article about something so utterly boring no one is reading?

We asked #hatesec’s Chairman of the Board Kevin Eubanks for comment, but all we got were some fucking lame jazz fusion licks instead.

Pope taking media joke “a little too far”

Pope Kisses For Photo Op

Pope Francis grovels Thursday at the hairy feet of a sub-human Muslim girl.

Top Cardinals at the Vatican said Pope Francis is “taking that whole ‘respecting the smallest and least-fortunate’ joke a little too far.”

The move has the Vatican PR Department worried the public has finally caught on to Catholic efforts to paint the church as a sympathetic, non-child-fucking institution.

“That was supposed to be tongue in cheek, you know, to pacify the media. Now he’s washing the feet of a Muslim prisoner? This is just sick. It’s time to come on back inside, Mr. Pope, and wash your hands for a dinner of souls.” – Pope Handler Jacob Inglacius

Inglacius said he told the Pope to break tradition on the Hope and Fear campaign that launched President Obama into permanent dictatorship.Pope of Change

“We asked him to do some stuff the Pope would never do – you know, ‘Be Christlike!’ – and all that – but now I think the joke is on us. I think he wants us to look bad by acting so good. I mean, you know he’s not really like this, right?  I’ve seen him play Euro Truck Simulator 2 14 hours straight.”

Chronicle religion expert Kilgoar Trout said the PR move comes as no surprise. The new Pope, Kilgoar said, is likely to go so far as take a positive stance on homosexuality – “How else is it ever going to be alright again for men of the cloth to fuck supple young altar boys?”

This Month: Intelligence Authorities Wax on Overclassification

WASHINGTON — The Internet Chronicle has obtained footage of classification authorities discussing the classification process and allegations of overclassification. Early this month the national intelligence director counsel, Robert Litt, and a former director of the Information Security Oversight Office, J. William Leonard, took questions from attendees of a Brennan Center forum on secrecy and security.

Leonard pointed out that Obama administration officials had been instructed not to discuss the CIA’s targeted assassination program. That statement at the forum by Leonard, who served from 2002 to 2007, was in line with what former White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs told MSNBC’s last month. Then Gibbs said that his own vetting process had included that instruction that he was “not even to acknowledge the drone program.”

“[W]hen the principal architect of that program,” said Litt on March 14, “goes before Congress in order to be confirmed as a director of the Central Intelligence Agency, he then makes the observation that, ‘yeah, maybe it’s a good idea to debate these things in public.’”

But, said Leonard, Brennan’s call for transparency about the CIA’s drone came too late. Leonard said that when the government unleashes any and all violence upon an individual, the American public must be informed.

Our next snippet of footage comes in the Q-and-A, when an attorney rose to ask the national intelligence director’s own lawyer about the nature of alleged retroactive classification. This analyst cannot be sure of her client list, but the cases she mentions seems evocative of that of whistleblower Thomas Drake. Leonard has been altogether sympathetic to his plight.

The incidence of retroactive classification has for years heightened concerns among activists and whistleblowers that classification could be used for professional retribution — not, to wit, safeguarding the American people.

Executive Order 13526, from 2009, is intended to prohibit  overclassification, and the questioner references its matter. (Specifically, she alludes to Section 5.5(b)(2), which offers “sanctions” for overclassification.) What stood out in the hundreds of thousands of State Department cables leaked by Bradley Manning is not the career-ending content but rather the arbitrary level of secrecy present. Said Litt at a later point in the forum (see video below),  “My experience is that there’s very little conscious abuse of the classification process. What there is, is a set of incentives that lead people to apply the rules in a way that leans towards classification.”

The questioner said that her clients, “after their [books have] gone through pre-publication review,” had been told they stepped over the line with disclosures.

When another questioner complained that White House Office of Legal Counsel (OLC) had not been adequately transparent on the use of drones, against foreign nationals and potentially citizens alike, Robert Litt was dismissive.

There is a “long history of Congress,” said Litt, “claiming they’re not getting information from the executive branch.” Indeed at a March 6 Senate Judiciary Committee hearing, Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-Ca.), also of Senate Select Intelligence, expressed misgivings that the Judiciary Committee could not see the executive branch’s legal rationale for the use of drones, abroad or potentially at home.

“[A]ny suggestion,” said Litt this month at the Brennan Center, “that the [House and Senate] Intelligence Committees did not understand the legal basis for the targeted killing program is wrong,” adding that they “were fully briefed on and fully informed of the reason” for drone use.

The legislative branch’s increased demands — climaxing with a day of filibuster by Kentucky Sen. Ran Paul (R) — and the executive branch’s recalcitrance, said Litt, amounts to a “creative tension,” adding, “No amount of reforms that we do will solve that problem.”

Pastor Hal W. Hubbard outrages nation by endorsing gay marriage, abortion

Pastor Hal W. Hubbard caresses an Eastern Diamondback rattlesnake.

Pastor Hal W. Hubbard caresses an Eastern Diamondback rattlesnake.

Saddleback Mountain, VA — Pastor Hal W. Hubbard of the Pentecostal Church of Holiness outraged the nation Wednesday with statements denouncing traditional marriage and the sacrosanct status of fetal life. In a recent sermon, Hubbard said, “God’s children are killing this planet, and soon his creation will be trampled into a wasteland of dust and refuse by the unholy feet of devil-worshiping breeders. Those married to the opposite sex will burn in hell along with those women who refuse the sacrament of holy abortion.”

Pastor Hubbard is known for fiery snake-handling sermons and speaking in tongues, and reportedly changed his position on gay marriage during a mystical experience in which he was bitten by a copperhead. “God sunk his venom into my veins as punishment for preaching against his will. Gay marriage and abortion are the only way we can save this planet; what was once evil may now be our only chance at salvation.”

Some have drawn a parallel between Hubbard and Westboro Baptist’s Fred Phelps, as both preachers use radical polemics in order to popularize their seemingly satirical message. Hubbard was offended by such comparisons, “I ain’t ruinin’ anyone’s funerals or sending my family marching around like moron hippies with retard signs. I just listen to the snakes and the people speakin’ in tongues. I believe what I believe, and only gay marriage and abortion can save God’s creation now.”

Anti-Trolling Blogging Group Caught Trolling

INTERNET, TWITTER–Today fans of Anti-trolling blogging group the GNAA(Gay Nigger Association of America) were appalled to see their micro-blogging heroes troll unsuspecting victims with satirical rhetoric and what some would call the “weird twitter” phenomenon.

The tweets came from GNAA members @DUTCHMINATI and @methadonna, both well known anti-trolling bloggers were caught multiple times today trolling twitter users with satirical tweets that can only be construed as trolling.

Blogger DUTCHMINATI trolls twitter with banal tweets about life.

Throughout their long, rich history of being the foremost leaders in blogging, blogging technology and anti-trolling tactics, none of the GNAA have ever publicly trolled until now. This marks a milestone in the history of the internet and is a disgrace to all anti-trolls everywhere.

@methadonna trolls with his over enthusiastic excitement for a shit album,

Kill yr idols.

Did Vic Livingston Sacrifice Frank Mason to Illuminati to Become Journalist?

Vic LivingstonMORRISVILLE, PA. — New analysis from The Internet Chronicle suggests that the 2012 murder of its editor-in-chief may have been a work of Pennsylvania journalist Vic Livingston. Livingston’s explosive reporting, fueled by an unreal Rolodex of establishment who’s-whos, has yielded exposé after exposé so groundbreaking that many believe there is no other possible conclusion than he has had to cannibalize one of his own to take a place amongst the inner fold. In October Livingston issued an astonishing report uncovering the “brain-fogging” of President Obama during the first presidential debate.

Rumors once again swirled around Mason’s Virginia death after local Illuminati human sacrifice activity was revealed this month by the Richmond Times-Dispatch. The secret society’s ruthless initiation rituals were let out of the bag when would-be victim Thomas Johnson accidentally survived rapper Wafeeq Sabir El-Amin’s sacrifice attempt.

“You are my sacrifice,” Johnson quoted El-Amin as saying before he allegedly fired a shot toward his friend’s head inside a Henrico home that was to become a music studio.


The victim awoke from a drowsy sleep to see El-Amin pointing a gun at his head and saying he needed to be sacrificed, according to the search warrant.


The bullet ricocheted off the victim’s hand sending bone and skin fragments into his eye, according to the warrant, but the victim was able to get hold of the gun and shoot El-Amin in the stomach before he ran off.


[A] sacrifice had to occur in order to join the Illuminati that allegedly incited El-Amin, Johnson said. Investigators recovered from the Athens Avenue home, according to the search warrant . . . literature dealing with the Illuminati and its . . . connection to the music industry.

And as any working journalist can tell you, the reporting game is no less competitive than the rap game.

Angstrom Troubadour, parasociologist at University of California-Berkley, tells the Chronicle that human sacrifice is a routine demand for those hoping to cross the blood-drenched line into the world of “journalism.”  Unlike the widely celebrated role of the journalist, that of the blogger is thankless. Substantiating credential means approval of the powers-that-be — at the cost of one’s soul.

“Grassroots researchers, speculating on rapidly deleted Democratic Underground forum threads,” said Troubadour by phone, “have long sought to pinpoint the specific human sacrifices that empowered the media elite. Just how did Matt Yglesias execute Gary Webb to convince Atlantic editors he was for real? MSNBC viewers have long suspected Luke Russert executed his own father to assure a place in the sun.”

But when Professor Troubadour first laid out the latter question in a lecture to the Columbia School of Journalism last fall, many graduate students and faculty expressed skepticism. The late “Meet the Press” host, Tim Russert, they insisted, might have permitted an assisted suicide to ensure his son any prospects whatsoever.

The winter 2012 “panic attacks” that claimed Mason came soon after the editor attracted the ire of Bilderberg attendees and the Club of Rome. In mid-2011, for example, he reported on the signing of the cloak-and-dagger National Defense Authorization Act, which permits the indefinite detention of American citizens.

UPDATE 1:33 a.m. EDT — Hat tip to a Twitter follower who direct-messaged me this amazing Breitbart report from Thursday. Breitbart blogger Ben Shapiro has uncovered that the aforementioned Slate economics reporter, Matt Yglesias, has just purchased a $1.2 million condominium — an impossible task on a writer’s meager salary.


Foreground: Slate Economics Reporter Matt Yglesias atop New, Inexplicably Acquired Personal Ivory Tower; Background: Pyramid Skylights Unmistakably Illuminati Trappings (Photo: Breitbart)

What else to make of reports . . . Matthew Yglesias . . . owns a three-bedroom, three-bath home on Q Street in Logan Circle that clocks in at that hefty sum?


How much is Yglesias being paid to write for Slate?

One point is, Mr. Shapiro, we can really never know. But the better question is: What else is he being paid to do? Or whom?

Adria Richards Not Actually at PyCon; Assumed Psy-Op

Adria Richards Enjoys weev’s Sex Swing field correspondents spotted PyCon drama queen and feminist partying down with hackers and felons alike at a loft in Newark, New Jersey Sunday night, when supposedly at PyCon.

Richards, supposedly took out her feminist ire out on a poor python programming man at PyCon last weekend, getting him fired in the process. He had 3 kids, one is now dead.

She has been the subject of extreme scrutiny since the child’s death and some speculate she may have possibly been committed via 5150 to a mental institution. However, after field reports spotted her at Newark, New Jersey doing pot and swinging from swings, little to no truth is known to be truer than the truth itself, which can only be the truth.

A wave of paranoia swept through the Anonymous consortium late Monday night when #TeamSabu was introduced by Aaron Bale who claims is a group of Sabu sympathizers and synthesizers, led by the OWS and Wikileaks activist shm00p of UGNazi and Rustle League fame, who is actually Sabu himself.

#TeamSabu is lead not only by shm00p, but has close ties to Adria Richards, who sold exploit code to Matthew Keys in an effort to gain the good graces of LulzSec so she could eventually land a job at the DailyDot. Little did she know that among a group of thugs, hackers and drunks, people would be snapping photos.

So who was at PyCon and why the drama surrounding Adria Richards? Simply to distract us from #OpBlackout and Aaron Bales efforts to thwart Jen Emick with Ron Brynaert in tow.

No one knows for certain, but after reading some threads on, we believe this is Illuminati related, considering Luke Rudkowski was at weev’s sentencing.

“Joker Killer” James Holmes converts to Islam

Holmes now says his victims were infidels.

James Holmes, a newly converted Muslim, now says his victims were infidels.

AURORA, Colorado — Thursday, news broke Mass murderer James Holmes re-imagined the motivation for his spree-killing and took up strict Islamic practices. Holmes’ spree-killing took place in a Colorado movie theater as a gunfight broke out on screen in the newest Batman movie. Holmes was dressed as the Joker as he gunned down 12 people and injured 58 others.

Holmes now follows a strict diet, prays toward Mecca five times a day, and diligently studies the Koran. He now sports a full beard in Islamic tradition.

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, psychologist, said, “Holmes is a perfectly sane person who styles himself an extreme performance artist. This killing was meant to satirize the bloodthirsty public, and his constant tongue-in-cheek posturing as the ‘other’, whether it be the Joker or an Islamic terrorist,  is meant to poke fun at the simple-minded black-and-white thinking in American culture. His message couldn’t be more clear: There is a disgusting double standard for violence where innocent deaths at the hands of the American Military or in motion pictures do not cause public alarm until ‘innocent’ Americans die. He was willing and desperate enough to stake his life on this joke.”

Inside sources at the prison say Holmes is already planning to shave his beard and hair to pose as a neo-Nazi for his next hearing.

The Two Minutes Hate: Wal-Mart Edition

after staring into the sad eyes of enough google image results for wal mart manager, I am mortified

Jim Ficks

Hi, I’m Jim Ficks and this is Wal-Mart. At Wal-Mart, we cheer every morning, working ourselves up into a ravenous furor in the name of the great one and only, the provider, the destroyer – Wal-Mart of America. I’m Jim Ficks, and I have a job now. You Don’t. I’m Jim Ficks. My job is to rally employees working for $8 an hour, to rally together and “cheer” on our company name as audaciously as though they were speaking the unspeakable name of Yahweh himself.

Oh, HA HA. Don’t kid yourself! The Wal-Mart cheer not your typical high school cheer. At Wal-Mart, our morning cheers are actually the wailing song of abandoned hope, tinged with self-hatred the likes of which you never knew existed. That is, until our corporate overseer stated, in a company newsletter, that every morning from now until the end of human civilization will begin with a light-hearted climaxing chant, grow to a dull pulsing roar, and finally explode into a fireball of frenzied rage. Sweet, profit-maximizing rage. Don’t just watch – but focus – as the bald one they call “Joey” bristles with tension before snapping free from his hate-filled fervor, ready to seize the day like the throat of his enemy. Ready for blood, ready to stock shelves.