Beware of Dawgs

Keep the Change. . . .

Online Gamers Constitute 90 Percent of World’s Racists

Playstation Network is the new face of hate in this week’s edition of The Elf Wax Times. How will Sony handle the cries for help? . . .

Man’s dreams fall into lap

Jay Kenny, A Roanoke man, sat in his favorite comfortable chair Thursday, thinking the world would just pass him by as it has done for the last five years. That is, until a book deal and a Sports Illustrated contract fell into his lap from the ventilation system overhead. American . . .

Roanoke Valley under fire

Virginia, U.S.–The local human plantation of Roanoke, Virginia is at the brink of destruction.

There is a major reason to believe, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that waves of mountain lions did descend on the people of the Roanoke Valley in the great retaking of the cherished homeland. Sources . . .

Black hole unlocks quantum secret to cosmos, accretes Earth

This evening, a black hole instantly spawned inside our solar system. The event occurred so suddenly that scientists have not been able to determine its preconditions, but more presently, they are concerned with how humanity will go about tackling this catastrophic phenomenon of rapidly-impending doom. Two brave Elf Waxtronauts

Commented . . .