UNIVERSE THREATENED BY NONEXISTENCE

computer simulation of the universe

Donate bitcoins to chronicle.su and reserve your place TODAY among a newly rearranged, inverted cosmos of mathematical novelty . . .

Elderly woman dies ‘on hold’ with Verizon

Verizon plays a deadly hand in the demise of a beloved family member who simply could not handle all the sexting. . . .

Local man repairs relationship, loses penis

Roanoke, Va.–A Roanoke man savagely mutilated himself Friday while trying to prove to his ex-wife he was “still man enough to sexual role-play and use a skill saw naked.” Sources say he was attempting to sacrifice the family housecat to the love gods when things suddenly appeared very wrong.

Tina . . .

Virtual War Crosses Into Reality

Today, Call of Duty 4 took a tragic and deadly turn for the worse after SmokeyMcBong420 and PwnasaurusDeth traded insults over their PlayStation 3 headsets. Several eyewitnesses have independently confirmed that Pwnasaurus claimed to have lost a match due only to lag, irritating SmokeyMcBong and forcing him to challenge . . .